Anxiety and stress

[apm]

It's along time since I've been here, which means I've been mostly well!

Having a bad time at the moment, though. I'm feeling overwhelmed in my job, and now it looks likely that my team will be disbanded and at the very least I will be redeployed, possibly made redundant. I am unbelievably stressed at the moment, and feel like I am useless and unwanted. This is the 3rd time in 4 years this has happened, and I can't help feeling that it's me somehow that's led to this. My confidence is shot to pieces! I feel anxious all the time, and find it hard to see the positive anywhere. We are very lucky that we have layers of contingency, and that it is very likely that I will not end up with no job for any significant time, but it's hard to see that at the moment!!

The GP has referred me for CBT although that will take a while to come through, and in the meantime I have some Citalopram to take.

The one positive is that my panic symptoms from years ago haven't recurred. That was definitely worse.

Arrrrgh!!!

[Annie0904]

These are circumstances that you are not responsible for at all and just 'one of those things' don't blame yourself

[apm]

Thanks Annie. I know that's the case, but it's hard to see sometimes!!

So this may turn into a bit if a blog, but I need get some stuff out!

So the job situation is still as it was. We find out tomorrow what the future structure looks like, and where we may (or may not) fit in. I'm almost looking forward to that, at least it clarifies. I think I'm a bit more relaxed about this: it is very unlikely that I will end up out of work, but there is still a worry. I'm feeling a bit more confident in the work I am doing too.

I'm having real trouble sleeping now, thanks to the anxiety- for 2 nights it feels like I've not slept at all. I find that I begin to drift off, but then my mind snaps back to the present. Common with anxiety I know, but I am so tired today. Luckily, I am working at home, so can take it a bit easier than if I had to go in to the office. Last night I had a hot bath to help, but to no avail. I hardly slept last thursday, but was out for drinks & dinner on friday and slept really well. Had a bit of a skinful on saturday, and had the predictable not great sleep. Since sunday, it's been a real problem.

I have a cunning plan though. I am going to go for a short run this evening, and then have a small nightcap before bed. I know that alcohol is not a solution and won't lead to quality sleep, but I need sleep of some sort! Tomorrow evening I will start on the Citalopram, which apparently makes you sleepy anyway.

I guess I am fixating on the sleep rather, but it feels very big at the moment.

On the Citalopram, I am actually quite scared of taking this: I know that in the long term it will sort me out, but the potential side-effects are a concern. I might put up a separate thread, but anyone have any experience of this? I will be starting on 10mg, then ramping up to 20 in a week or two.

All thoughts and comments welcome!

[chickpea]

I've been on Citalopram and I have to say, the side effects were pretty tough.
My first dose was 20mg, but I reacted so badly that I changed down to 10mg straight away.
If you have a pill cutter, I'd suggest taking 5mg for a few days/a week, before moving up to 10mg, then 15mg before getting to 20mg - give your brain a chance to adjust.

[LilyPad1991]

I too am having a bit of an anxiety 'relapse' at the moment, only a minor one touch wood, but still I could do without it too! Everything in my life is a bit 'up in the air' and really very stressful and has been for some time now, it's almost like everything has come to a head. Yet I feel a bit daft for having succumbed to my anxiety again, but I have to remind myself that I'm doing my best, I'm not weak and I will be fine!

On the subject of your current situation and your anxiety, if you can I would definitely encourage you to continue going for a run if you feel well enough, although it can be hard when you feel anxious but it really does help It will help you sleep if you are physically exhausted. Looking up and practising some relaxing breathing techniques can also be really helpful when attempting to get to sleep whilst you're experiencing this anxiety. I often find my mind needs distracting when it's a bit 'buzzy' with anxiety; I read a good book or listen to an audiobook to just help me off to sleep after I've done my breathing exercises

Anyway. If you want to chat feel free to private message me. I hope your work situation is resolved soon and that you're feeling better as soon as possible.

[apm]

LilyPad, thank you for your kind offer, much appreciated. I might take you up on it! I hope your minor relapse passes soon. We are all on a recovery journey, and these are just blips!

I am trying hard to disaggregate the real thing I have to worry about (ie job situation), and the anxiety that feeds itself. I KNOW that the real thing could be serious, but that the outcome is very likely to be favourable. The anxiety is pretty much a phantom, and not real, yet powerful and self-perpetuating.

I will try a run later on. I'm not very fit, so don't know how far I'll get, but will give it a go. Now where are my runners? I do read or audiobook. Fingers crossed!

---------- Post added at 17:58 ---------- Previous post was at 14:06 ----------

So an update- I was worrying over whether to start taking the Citalopram, or if I could take Nytol instead. I spoke to my pharmacist who reassured me that Citalopram is generally free from side effects, and can be taken with Nytol without concern.

So I am much reassured, and hoping for some good sleep and my road to recovery!

[wabbit1]

I find Nytol quite good but not a very long term solution. I find it doesn't necessarily get me to sleep but it keeps me asleep.

It's a horrible coincidence about the jobs but it is not down to you. I know - much easier to say.

[apm]

So the Citalopram seemed to help last night- within 3 hours, my anxiety had really subsided! Took some Nytol too, and while I did feel very drowsy, I still didn't sleep very well. I seem to find it very hard to start drifting if you know what I mean. Hopefuly as the Cit kicks in, it will get better.

Today I do feel somewhat spaced out. Not sure if that's the Cit or the Nytol. Prob won't take the latter tonight.

Today we find out what will be happening to us jobwise, so fingers crossed...

[JustJules]

Hi apm, please don't worry about Citalopram - it's one of the best ADs for not causing as many side affects. I too was very scared about taking them and honestly haven't had any problems with them at all. It's the one that is more easily tolerated by older people too that's why they give it them. 10mg is the best dose to start off with and I'm sure you won't have any problems. I have taken them for years now on and off and never had any problems and I'm a tablet phobe at the best of times! I am sure they will make you feel much better but you won't see any difference from one tablet - that's a psychological reaction to thinking something has worked, but you need to take them for at least a fortnight before you feel any difference.

Also, I haven't ever had any problems when weaning off them either as I do it very, very slowly and just literally chipped bits off the tablet for 6 weeks and then chipped a bit more off for the next 6 weeks etc, until I was down to half a tablet and then your body doesn't notice the change so much.

Good luck and don't worry.

[apm]

Thanks Jules and others. I am very happy with the lack of side effects, wish I'd started them sooner!! Still, getting there now.

Well the job news was as expected: team being disbanded. No big surprise. Plus side is that if I've not found a new post by Jan, I will most likely be redeployed. Hopefully into a post that will be better for me!

Feel quite anxious today, another night with very little sleep, although I think more than previously. And on the train this morning, I felt my mind start to drift, which hasn't been happening.

Just need to keep focussed and hold it together. Just SO TIRED!!