Feel so very bad, any advice welcome

[Dan21]

Hi everyone.

I’m hoping that I might get a bit of advice as I’m feeling really, really rough at the moment. And I want to apologise for the gross bits of my post.

For about the last four or five days, I’ve been feeling achy. Achy legs, back, nape of the neck, across my midriff and around my groin. It almost feels like I have flu but without the cold symptoms. I had a days teaching observation yesterday and I’m just so thankful that I have a day spare today as I’m absolutely knackered. I feel like I’ve run a marathon.

I got home yesterday and on top of feeling so rough, it felt like I was constipated (kind of prickly feeling when I needed to go). Anyway, after a bit of discomfort, that situation resolved itself and I felt a little better.

The thing is, I really want to look at things in perspective. Finding out we are having our first child in the summer is something that is stressing me out a bit. Plus, my wife has been suffering with pretty bad morning sickness which means that I have been doing pretty much everything around the house for the last two weeks as well as studying, plus getting up first thing to make my wife’s lunch so she doesn’t have to smell any food as this aggravates her condition. I’m not complaining, just trying to show what I’ve been up to.

Plus, I think that being told that I am going to be a Dad has brought to the surface the pain of Dad dying last summer and all the insecurities that I have about being a father and my health. I stopped going to counselling just before Christmas as things seemed to be progressing quite well and it was then that I decided (with my counsellor) that it might be a good time to take a break. But, I feel like I’ve slipped right back to where I was before.

Still aching as write all of this. I’m terrified that there is something really wrong with me as I feel so off colour. My wife said she thinks that it is my ‘anxiety/stress/worry related reaction’ to the news of our baby. I had a similar bout of fatigue after we got married. I know it sounds stupid but I’m almost out of my mind with worry here. Too scared to forget about it but equally as terrified to go to the doctors, I truly don’t know which way to turn. Plus on top of it all, I know that the last thing my wife and unborn baby need is any element of stress or worry about me.

I keep thinking that all of these symptoms might just be psychosomatic, but that small part of my brain that controls my HA is easily convincing my rational brain that all of these twinges and aches could be the underlying signs of some awful disease. I also wonder if it is possible to feel bad because you are more aware of certain parts of your body? For instance I’m very aware at the moment of the ache around my groin and I cant seem to forget about it, so it seems to perpetuate the whole process.

I don’t know if I have explained myself very well here or not, I don’t even know if what I am feeling is a stress induced state or if I’m suffering from some kind of virus, flu or something worse.

[V][V][V][V][V][V][V][V][V][V][V][V][V]


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I want to go up to my anxiety, smile, put my arm around it and say to it caringly, 'Hey! How are you? How's your day been?'

Then, just as its about to answer me, I wanna throw a sack over it and give it a hiding within an inch of its life.

That would be nice.

[jacq]

hi dan i have exactly the same feeling and have been like this since the week before xmas. First thought i was coming down with flu as i was aching feeling sick, pains all round my neck and in my jaw and it feels like i have strained my tongue and it aches when i eat or drink, also have the same problems down below as i keep getting a sharp pain. I decided i had most probably got bowel cancer or maybe an ulcer and probably throat cancer as well, hubbie told me to see doctor as i was so scared but i was almost more scared to be told bad news and kept putting it off. Doc was very thorough and did lots of checks listened to my chest and checked glands but couldnt find anything at all, went home feeling great, this lasted for about 24 hours then the symptoms came back, i have now managed [sort of] to tell myself it is all stress related as serious illnesses dont come and go they are pretty much permanent and though i feel rough in the day i feel much better of an evening when i know everything is done and i can relax till next morning. one thing that does help is to log onto the live chat when you feel bad as it takes your mind off your problems and you realise there are lots of people on the site with exactly the same problems. you should give it a go

jacqui

courage doesn't always roar, sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "i will try again tomorrow"

[lass]

Hi Dan,

Sorry you are feeling so bad. I assume your early scan went well???

I do find that whenever I have stress of any kind, even "good" stuff like holidays, I get very anxious and this in turn always leads me to worry about health stuff. Like when I went to Lapland in December, I got really stressed about a pain up my backside and my IBS (constipation) was bad.

I would imagine that it's a combination of stresses for you. You have a whole range of emotions about your baby, and this is perfectly normal. I think everyone goes through this - well, I certainly did, and it was a bit like "s**t, what have I done?". It's a huge responsibility, being a parent, but it's wonderful and you will be great at it! I guess for you, you are thinking, what if anything happens to me ... especially after your own experience of losing your Dad. Again, I think these are all perfectly normal feelings.

Could you maybe arrange a couple more counselling sessions? You need to talk it all through until it makes sense.

Your aching is from the anxiety effects on your body. I think you know this deep down - and there are loads of posts on here from other people who can vouch for these symptoms!

Your wife will be feeling better again in a few weeks. You are being very supportive of her, and you are doing great.

Try to relax as much as you can, when you can. You need to make the most of your time together pre-baby and enjoy this pregnancy together. Try not to think into the future - none of us knows what it holds and we need to try and enjoy the moment. (I write this, but I can't actually achieve this yet myself!!!).

I really hope you are feeling better soon, and hopefully some other people will be able to give you some really good advice.

Caroline