Partner has GAD..help

[wallybob]

hi all,

new here so excuse me if this has all been discussed before, I did have a look but couldn't find anything...

my partner has been suffering for anxiety for at least a year now and went to the doctors who confirmed it was GAD.

they didn't prescribe him anything, told him to go try therapy, change of diet and exercise.. he did none of this!

the main problem he suffers with is his stomach, he thinks he's going to be ill all the time with a tummy bug, he wont eat certain foods now as he thinks these triggered it or paranoid things aren't cooked sometimes. He is such a poor eater as it is I'm finding it difficult to cook him food without him fretting over it.

he is obsessed with looking at his stools, (sorry TMI) if its a different colour he panics. he rang 111 yesterday as he had a dry month and white covering on his tongue!

I've tried talking him into exercise but he wont, as he is on his feet all day and he thinks that is his exercise - I've tried to explain that he is busy with work and it not relaxing so not the same. he is certainly not overweight but is very unhealthy, poor diet, smokes, hates any form of exercise.

I just need a bit of a rant and some advice to help him, it sounds awful on my part but he is very difficult to live with. Every day its, something else, his tummy made a funny noise or dry tongue!

I also wanted to ask if anger issues were linked in any way, he is very short tempered and the stupidest, little thing wind him up (he didn't eat a few nights ago coz he couldn't open a tin of something so he flipped out and sulked)

we have children together and his constant fretting and talking about how ill he is rubbing of on our youngest, she complains she's ill a lot and we never know whether it true or not!

any help on how to help him would be appreciated

---------- Post added at 15:40 ---------- Previous post was at 15:34 ----------

also wanted to say, he used to suffer from panic attached and struggled with his breathing - he felt like he always had to take a deep breath to breathe. he managed to overcome this.

he's also very negative, when looking online at anxiety he always looks at the negative things, just a quick look at how to help, I've wrote him lists of things that may help but to no success :(

[Dazza123]

Hi

Is he on any medication for his GAD? If not he needs to be, anger is something I suffer with, I have a very short temper and my mouth runs away with me very often, but the other half quite rightly ignores me, or give me a clip around the head, which I deserve

He needs help, therapy will help, but with medication it will help more, and meds will have an almost immediate effect, depending on what he gets.

[wallybob]

Hi,

No, he isn't on medication. The doctor seemed reluctant to put him on any, I'm not sure why, I'll see if I can talk him to going back & maybe jodining here to see if talking to others with gad instead of a therapist.
Yeah anger is something I pretty much ignore if I can I just wondered if it was linked in some way.
Thankyou

[Emilym80]

Hi there,

All of what you've described is pretty common with anxiety, I think. I know when I'm especially anxious I have such a short temper, I never lose it but it can take my parents asking me something they've already asked to really piss me off- obviously that's a ridiculous reaction, but yes it's (unfortunately) normal with anxiety.

I sympathise with his not enjoying exercise, but tell him that if he doesn't make the changes that the doctors recommended then he simply won't improve. Medication may be helpful but I don't think it's necessary for a lot of people, especially if he's not tried therapy. I think exercise and therapy are most helpful, followed by a change in diet- for now you could just cut caffeine/alcohol if he takes any and that should help somewhat. Improving his diet should help with some of his stomach complaints too. That said, medication is worth looking into if his anxiety is really getting in the way of things but again I stress that therapy should be sought regardless of whether or not he's on medication.

Is there a way you could exercise with him? I walk to and from uni, which is about 40 mins either way and even 40 mins of brisk walking is very helpful in helping me calm down and sleep better at night. Could you maybe go on walks around the park together or something like that? Having a job that keeps him on his feet is probably not enough, unfortunately.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it might take a while to find a therapist that is good and that he gets along with. Persist! It's very frustrating having anxiety and not feeling that therapy is working out and that you don't have any professional support but it's worth it once you find it.

Best of luck with it all, hopefully this is helpful for you both

---------- Post added at 23:32 ---------- Previous post was at 23:27 ----------

Hi,

No, he isn't on medication. The doctor seemed reluctant to put him on any, I'm not sure why, I'll see if I can talk him to going back & maybe jodining here to see if talking to others with gad instead of a therapist.
Yeah anger is something I pretty much ignore if I can I just wondered if it was linked in some way.
Thankyou

I think doctors tend not to like prescribing medication as they're not trained in psychiatry. It might help him to join the forum and talk to others with GAD but therapy is very different to just talking things over if done properly; cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a structured exploration of the causes and mechanisms behind anxiety and it teaches you strategies to cope with your anxiety and stop it from overcoming you, etc- kind of like exercises for your brain, at times.

[MyNameIsTerry]

In the UK, medication isn't the first line treatment for GAD. So, it depends on how severe it is whether you would go straight onto medication. Either that or a poor GP might just reach for the sweeties!

Anger is very common. Think about how people become irritated from suffering from a physicla issue for an extended period of time. Its no different with this in that respect although these issues make you feel like you are going mad and can't do the simplest of things so they really eat away at your self confidence, self worth & self esteem.

I've had some horrible outbursts at people and then felt terrible and had to apologise. When your body is full of adrenaline & cortisol all the time and your thoughts are making you feel like you are losing your mind, its hard to keep calm & focus on things. What you need to remember is who he was before all this. If he was like this then, maybe its different, but if he wasn't you should consider it being the heightened uncontrollable emotions and that talking it through when more calm should easily resolve it as it won't be meant.

Always looking at the negatives is also another common one. The problem can be that you don't believe you can change and/or are afraid of the uncertainty of it. It can also be denial. He has to agree that he has an anxiety disorder and spend time edcuating himself on it which places like this are excellent for as they will see how real people are going through it so you can relate your issues to theirs.

I suggest to understand the mindset, look up Cognitive Distortions. This will explain, with examples, how his views may be skewed at the moment.

---------- Post added at 05:44 ---------- Previous post was at 05:42 ----------

I think doctors tend not to like prescribing medication as they're not trained in psychiatry.

Hi Emily,

In the UK, the GP is responsible for SSRI/SNRI's and a few others. Accessing a psychiatrist is very difficult and can take ages unless you have a more severe condition.

Its just that they have been advised to offer things like guided self help first and then drug therapy comes along at the next level on the stepped care model where CBT is offered.

[Emilym80]

I think that's wise. It tends to vary in Australia- some will prescribe SSRIs straight away (but nothing else) and others are very hesitant to use medication. I've not heard of them prescribing any of the other medication people in the US in particular seem to use for physical symptoms or panic (benzos or beta-blockers for instance).

Also I forgot to mention this before, but OP, I don't blame you at all for finding it difficult or frustrating at times to live with someone who was GAD. I'd hate to live with me sometimes! Don't forget to attend to your own needs, too; while your partner will need support, you need to make sure to take care of yourself as well.

[MyNameIsTerry]

They give out Benzos over here but its mostly for short periods of no more than a month to see if you sort it out yourself or to help with the onset side effects of going into SSRI/SNRI's. Some seem to get them longer term though which must mean their GP's are very out of date as that changed many years ago.

I've met people prescribed them daily and they are going to have to tough job of coming off them if they get a more up to date GP. My mum knows a lady who has been taking them to help her sleep daily for over 10 years! Then one day a different GP at the practice reviewed her repeat prescription, called her in and weaned her off. Its scary how things like that actually still go on!

I agree as well Emily, anxiety is a very frustrating issue for partners too. It can make you avoid all the things you would normally do with a partner as well as the mood swing issues. I think the best thing is to learn about it and try to find areas where you can act in a way les likely to escalate anything...they need some basic counselling training to avoid all the heartache it will bring them really.

[NR]

Well done for posting on here and seeking information.

My girlfriend was a great support and got me through my first illness.

If you can, try and hold on to the memory of the person without the illness. Hopefully it will pass.

[Emilym80]

They give out Benzos over here but its mostly for short periods of no more than a month to see if you sort it out yourself or to help with the onset side effects of going into SSRI/SNRI's. Some seem to get them longer term though which must mean their GP's are very out of date as that changed many years ago.

It's almost impossible to get them here. I wanted some a week ago as I was having panic attacks, sleep paralysis, severe anxiety and not sleeping. I thought a two-week course of benzos would take the edge off and help me retain some normalcy and make my first sessions of CBT more effective. Unfortunately my GP said their clinic doesn't prescribe them for anxiety, panic or insomnia (I thought that's what they were for? weird) and basically told me to suck it up. I went to a psychiatrist once and he tried to give me anti-psychotics for a week to help me sleep- which apparently doesn't even work- instead of benzos.

Anyway, that's a bit off-topic. OP; know that while you're supportive of your partner, you don't need to put up with angry outbursts etc. Anxiety shouldn't be an excuse to treat people badly- I know that's very black-and-white of me and that everyone is different, but I think if he's getting angry a lot he needs to learn how to manage that instead of you having to learn to deal with it constantly.

I hope some of this is helpful! Best wishes

[anthrokid]

Therapy is a really important part of managing anxiety, particularly CBT which gives the best results. I know it can be very difficult to engage men in therapy, many don't want to go and feel like it is "silly and won't help". However, therapy really is the best way to cope with and manage anxiety in the long term.

SSRIs (medication) are also another option, but they don't work for everyone, and they can take 6-8 weeks to start working. This can be really difficult for some people because, after a week or two, they assume the medication "just doesn't work" and stop taking it. Or, after 6-8 weeks, they feel better and decide they "don't need the meds anymore" and stop taking them then go back to their anxious state. So if he were to try a medication, he would need to commit to taking it for at least 6 months, unless he had severe side effects or the anxiety gets worse on the medication.

Anger and irritability can be quite common in people who suffer from anxiety, particularly men. Often it stems from not being in control of your emotions and anxiety, which cause people to become frustrated and easily irritated. Whilst this can be related to anxiety, it isn't okay to have angry outbursts at others. This is something that is also managed well with therapy for anxiety, particularly CBT.

It may be worthwhile heading to the doctor again and discussing the options further. If he isn't going to go to therapy and won't change his diet/lifestyle then medication might be the only viable option for now. This means that the GP may prescribe medication on the proviso that, when it starts to work and he feels a bit better, he does start going to therapy to make sure the changes stay.

On a side note, the reason benzos are not often prescribed is that they are very addictive and people can build up a tolerance very quickly. Long term benzo use also has some pretty bad side effects like memory loss. Obviously not everyone who is prescribed them will develop an addiction, but the risk is pretty high and doctors prefer to use methods that are beneficial in the long term rather than a "quick fix".