Happy Friday-Eve ... can't wait for this week to end

[swgrl09]

It's been a tough week for me at work. I am just trying to get through the next two days and get to Friday.

First, it's been very busy which looks good for my "productivity" but is exhausting when I don't get a break to breathe or pee. We have so much paperwork for each client and session, so I end up doing paperwork all through my lunch and my 5 minutes between sessions. It's really exhausting, but that's how insurance companies work over here and our paperwork has to cater to them.

I found out yesterday right before our day started that a client of mine passed away unexpectedly. Everybody has clients pass away if you work long enough, but it still hit me pretty hard. I also felt like I didn't have time to process it because my boss told me, then I had to run into a meeting and then start my day. I got home last night and was in an awful mood, couldn't even talk to my husband even though it wasn't anything he did. Eventually calmed down and showered, apologized, and we were fine.

Also we have an audit this week. My job is strange because I have two roles, two bosses, etc I basically do two jobs to add up to 40 hours per week. Well one of my bosses is great, the other is a mess and she is the one being audited. I have only worked there 8 months but she has for 15 years and is not very good at paperwork. It's a mess, and she is stressing me out because she is unprepared for the audit, trying to have me find things that I don't have access to or she gave me the ok to get rid of. I just want it to be over. I am supposed to be off her program and full time in 1 job, the clinic with the better boss, in August so just reminding myself of the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am feeling a bit burnt out this week. I am trying to remind myself that some weeks are busy, some are not. Last week people weren't showing up for appointments and I was worried that I looked like I didn't do my job well enough and this week is the opposite. So just trying to reality check things.

[Oosh]

I'm in exactly the same boat. I'm self employed and am trying to run a business. My van has needed working on twice this week which has meant me completely emptying it and refilling it twice. Then there's the doing without it for a couple of days while it's worked on. This and my recent holiday creates a backlog of jobs which I'm always feeling under pressure to catch up on. Im someone who can't relax until I end the day on top and ahead in some way and I feel like I've been chasing that for a while now. The next day starts and I'm chasing it again only to find I'm sidetracked by more nonsense or traffic or deliveries or the gardening equipment that needs to be sorted for doing the garden up this spring etc etc

I have the house to myself this weekend and im anticipating a pocket of space and silence with nothing to do (yeh, that's optimistic) so I can catch up with myself. I've been numb and existing with general anxiety for many days now just constantly chasing something and worrying about various things going wrong.

At the weekend I'm gonna give myself a break and write stuff down. Remind myself where it is I'm at and what's good about that. Remind myself of a few things actually and try and enjoy the ride a bit more and enjoy what I'm achieving.

Your situation sounds difficult too (hehe I've just whinged all about me in your thread). Give yourself some time to catch up with yourself at the weekend. Maybe write everything out in a diary for a couple of hours and try and finish with your focus on brighter things. I know I'm always kinder to the people around me when I've spent a bit of time attending to the rubbish I have on my mind.

Not long left now. The weekends just around the next corner.

[swgrl09]

I feel exactly the same!! Especially how you said you are the type of person who needs to end the day ahead to relax. I'm like that too. I need to get as much done as possible, which then spills over into home as well. I'll get home and will notice everything that is messy or needs to be cleaned and can't chill until everything is behind me. Otherwise I'll ruminate all night.

I can't imagine what having your own business must be like, I imagine there are good things and bad, but it sounds like a lot on your plate right now.

I am hoping for some silence and "chill" time to catch up on me too this weekend. I have to get my car worked on, husbands car too ... but have a massage booked and am looking forward to it.

[MoonlightFire]

I can really relate to you both too. I like to do everything to the best of my ability and feel like I have got ahead at the end of the day. Unfortunately for me that is impossible as I work for a very small organisation with massive ambitions and incredibly high expectations and aims. I never feel I have enough time to put my best into anything and this makes me feel like I've failed...over and over and over again! I often work extra hours and still don't get to where I need to be. Also, I've just been through a nasty period of anxiety and depression which has made work even harder and my ability to concentrate and memory have taken a huge beating. I've been put on meds and am starting to recover but It's hard to get past the last 5 months of worry sometimes and frustration sometimes.

Since I've been feeling better I've been very strict on writing all my tasks down in to-do lists in a diary (a big A4 desk diary with lots of space for each day) every day to make things easier for myself. I think that's the most important thing...get everything written down and out of your head and then move things around in your diary to make way for urgent priorities when necessary. I colour code the lists too so I have real priorities in red, meetings in black, 'would like to do' tasks in blue etc. I also put reminders in my electronic calendar to help as my memory is bad.

My other top tip is you must find time to have a proper break in the day. Now, I am not a good example where it comes to this...I can totally relate with you on this swgrl. For years I have snatched 10-20 min lunch breaks at my desk or eaten my lunch while working. Even through my recent relapse of anxiety and depression I was only taking 20 mins or so (not even everyday) in our tiny kitchen at work. This week I had the strength to make a pact with myself to take my whole lunch break every day! I've done quite well - I did the whole hour in the park on Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday I took 40 minutes as I had something urgent to do, and today I took about 40 mins out at a cafe. It's not perfect yet but it's a massive improvement and I feel so much better for it. Alongside the medication, the breaks have helped with my productivity this week and have helped with my recovery. It might not be possible for you to take your full hour swgrl but do try and give yourself as much time as you can away from the office for lunch - maybe try 30 mins and work your way up if it's easier. I appreciate it's really hard but it is so worth it if you can

M xxx

[swgrl09]

Love the idea about taking breaks, it's something I know l need to do but never do. Maybe I can force myself to go eat in the cafe or walk outside for a bit. I also have a million calendars on my phone, wall, etc but sometimes need prioritized lists, like you said with your color coding, to keep my priorities straight!

I suffer from high expectations too, it's really hard for me to be realistic with myself. I'm pretty type A

[swgrl09]

We made it to Friday!!! My day is just getting started, but at least knowing it's the weekend is better than yesterday. I had a busy work day yesterday, then had to go to my allergist, then a reception for my father getting an award ... didn't get home until 10:30 at night and fell asleep after midnight. I'm dragging this morning.

One more day until the weekend.

[Oosh]

I feel exactly the same!! Especially how you said you are the type of person who needs to end the day ahead to relax. I'm like that too. I need to get as much done as possible, which then spills over into home as well. I'll get home and will notice everything that is messy or needs to be cleaned and can't chill until everything is behind me. Otherwise I'll ruminate all night.

I can't imagine what having your own business must be like, I imagine there are good things and bad, but it sounds like a lot on your plate right now.

I am hoping for some silence and "chill" time to catch up on me too this weekend. I have to get my car worked on, husbands car too ... but have a massage booked and am looking forward to it.

Yep that's what I do. It's like I can't say I've ended the day and finished ahead until I've also cleared the decks/jobs I find when I get home. Like I certainly can't call my day finished until I've cleaned everything in the kitchen and put it away. Do the bins need emptying ? I can't be finished until the bins are emptied.
It's like I am only finished when im ready and in the starting blocks for the next day. And I'm not in the starting blocks if I have the kitchen to clean in the morning because I can't use the kitchen efficiently in the morning if sink is full of dirty things and the bins are full when I go to put something in them.
I've just read that back and I AM actually the most boring person in the world. :|

I need everything to be in a state of readiness or I'll get annoyed when i have to do tomorrow's task and the unfinished jobs are in the way. Only when I'm on top and ready for tomorrow does that conscience quieten down. It's probably what it's driven by, the same conscience that won't allow me to stay in bed when I have the opportunity. I could sneak about craftily playing ps4 and watching telly but that voice won't leave me alone. Probably because what I do is all to relieve anxieties about my life and my future and the tasks I have to do are there to relieve those anxieties. So when I don't do what I should my anxieties start to poke a couple of fingers out of the anxiety box and I find it impossible to just ignore it. Then that ruins my sneeky skiving moments. So yeh, the whole thing is probably driven by my need to feel I'm keeping my anxieties in check.

I had my first massage on Monday ! I've heard a lot about deep sports massage to get rid of sore spots and tightness in the muscles. I've got tight shoulders and triceps from stuff I've done in the past. So last week I jumped in despite my apprehension and made an appointment with a sports massage therapist in the next town. It was a bit awkward but I'm glad I did it. It's expensive but I think I'll go every month and let her get rid of any sore spots. Apparently they're like a rope with a knot in. There's no stretching the rope because it doesn't get rid of the knot. Sometimes you need to massage the knot out. That's actually what I'm planning to do with a good bit of this weekend. I have a new book called "Become a Supple Leopard" all about doing self physio. This week I've ordered voodoo bands, big heavy duty physio bands, lacross balls (whatever they are) and sponge rollers and I'm going to give myself a good stretch and prod myself with lacross balls. So yeh, enjoy your massage.

Moonlightfire. I can relate a lot there. I can't relax until I've inputed everything into my calendar either. Probably for the same reasons, feeling organised and memory and just hating the feeling if I realise I've forgotten something i felt was important.

I don't colour code but I used to when I would record good periods in my diary. I'd then extract all the good periods and put them in a big text file all colour coded in order of significance so I could stand a better chance of remembering what good periods were made of. It was like bashing my head against a brick wall sometimes though.

If I'm too busy I just prioritise and decide what are THE essentials I need to do today to feel like everything's ok. Then I do those in as few a moves as possible so distractions can't strop me completing them. At least with those done I know everything is still on track.

Don't forget focusing on work can have a good side too in that you can then appreciate when it's finished for the week and you can then appreciate the feeling of having your mind on more enjoyable, external things instead. Leisure time is only good because you have work time. You do really well to work as hard as you do. Get the important things done and then make sure you give yourself reward time away from it to appreciate it.

I'm sitting in a chair. I'm doing nothing. And it feels great
And looking back at all that I've written I've obviously got a carb high

[swgrl09]

What you said about the kitchen and needing it to be clean so you are efficient tomorrow... I've had that argument with my husband sooooo many times! I can't make breakfast quickly if I have a sink full of dirty stuff and things to put away. My therapist says I'm rushing and stressing so I can relax, but I never get to, so it's a moot point. I totally get her reasoning, just can't train my body and mind to relax with things that need to get done. I'm already planning my cleaning schedule for the weekend so I can get it done ahead of time. That's the only good thing about my husband being away - I can do my tornado stuff and he won't tell me to stop :-\

[Oosh]

"Rushing and stressing so I can relax" yeh, that's what I feel like. I probably feel a certain amount of discomfort in what I have to get through in my day. I yearn to be back somewhere comfortable and feeling I'm on top of my anxieties.

"Do my tornado stuff". I actually know exactly what you mean by that. (Unless you actually do mean some Americany type real tornado stuff. We don't get real tornados here :] )

Don't spend all your weekend tidying though ! I think it's beneficial to do something new. For sure play some music to lift your mood and spend a couple of hours doing a bit of writing and mental organising. Go for a bike ride listening to your favourite songs. It'll help you reflect on what you've achieved so far. And you have achieved a lot. Make sure you realise it, appreciate and enjoy it.

Money or not go shopping, people watch, do things you don't normally do.
Stimulate your brain with new experiences and new interests.

Watch a good movie.

Any hobbies you've been thinking about taking up ?

Reach Monday and think "I did new stuff. I got out of myself for long spells"

Saying that you might really want some jobs done that have been bothering you. I've got to do gardening stuff. But I'm ok with that because seeing the gardens neither one thing or another annoys me all week.

[swgrl09]

Haha, no, you are spot on, we don't get tornados where I live either ... well we rarely get them. When we do, they are smaller and don't last as long as the ones out in the mid-west and south.

I did my cleaning already The tornado hit when I got home from work yesterday and I did it, as I had friends coming over later. The up side is I was really efficient and got enough done to be comfortable but didn't take long doing it as I didn't have that option. Now I don't have to do it the rest of the weekend, so that's a plus.

I am going to try to do some gardening as well, we have got to plant some grass in the dead patches and I want to fill up our planters and get them going. Also trying to figure out how to clean up some of the weeds and moss in the yard (anybody have tips, I am horrible at this stuff and am relying on google!!!). We have a lot of trees and shade, so I am thinking that is causing the moss. We also still need a lawn mower too. We are waiting for my in-laws to come down and bring their extra one they are giving us, but they can't come down for several weeks. Luckily with all the moss and weeds, not much grass to cut!!! haha

It's a work in progress. The house has an old patio from the previous owners, but they were in the house for 30-40 years into old age so the yard wasn't tended to for some time. We dug up 3 ft of extra brick patio that was buried under the dirt. We didnt even know it was there. Not sure what we'll do with that.

Anyway getting off topic ... I need to start exercising again. I did a great job with it last year but have not been able to stay with it this year. I would like to find something I enjoy because I truly do not enjoy it lol I am not a person who gets a "runners high" or anything like that.

And I am taking time to binge watch Mad Men before it ends tomorrow night ... I have kept up with it, but they keep playing reruns leading up to it and I love it. I also did something "for me" by sleeping in this morning and taking my time getting up. Usually the cat wakes me up at 6:30 by meowing for breakfast, as that's the time we get up on work days and feed her. She doesn't know it's the weekend, but for some reason she let me sleep today!!! I woke up, looked at the clock, and worried she was dead, but she wasn't I will try to take time to write or maybe paint. I used to love doing art and drawing/painting when I was younger but lost it at some point.