Hi everyone
Just wanted to let you all know that firstly im going back to work on monday, after my time off work with my return of cancer, for a few hours a day for the time being. I want to walk there and back and i am going to give it a try. I won't know unless i try it so watch this space. lol
I still have a long way to go before im back to normal and not thinking about it coming back again but i have been doing a lot of things to overcome my agoraphobia.
Ive been driving further than normal and going places that i would not like to try. Been to the dentist and have to go back later, taken my son to the hospital for a test, been in town on my own shopping and been through traffic lights that i dont like, (talking to piglet - rather her talking to me lol)
MY big success though was yesterday, my other half and I went for a walk with the dog and we usually go to a certain place and turn round and come back.
Not today though we got half way round and i said "erm im thinking of going the whole way round" and while i was feeling good and thinking that way that i wanted to try it i decided to go. Once i'd said i'd go i could feel the anxiety starting but i did not try to distract myself i just kept saying to myself the affirmation i had read that morning and it must have worked as I did it with no panic attack.
I was so bloody chuffed with myself and my other half was too that he took me out to lunch.
Im still sat here worrying about doing it again as im scared next time i will have one - errrr.
It seems now the only thing that happens to me when im anxious is the breathing - funny enough though it seems worse after ive done something i perceive as anxious. Does anybody else feel worse after?
My other half is gonna ring me later to let me know if he needs a lift home from work and im ready to give it a try but still nervous but i want to do it and i dont want to do it if that makes sense. will let you know how i get on a dentist and whether i have to pick him up.
Im also at the hospital on monday for a check up after my treatment and to be honest with you all im Bricking it as im scared still they will find something else and well you know the rest.
Anyway im trying to stay positive and fight these bloody horrible things together with you lot.
I would like to say thank you all very much from the bottom of my heart for helping me so much these past few months - you know who you all are.
Sorry for a long one
Love bobsy x x x x x x
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