scared to liv,scared to die

[pamella]

having a really bad time at mo. i no drs will say that iv only been on new tabs20days and they take few weeks to kick in but i feel so low.i just feel like i want to die, i cant cope any more wit the feelings of anixety and depression,il be thinking of ways to kill myself and then take massive panic were im ringing my mum to com and help me.my head feels so screwed up, if im wanting to die then why am i having and reacting to panic attacks.life just seems to hard to live at mo and then i read wot some of u r going through and i feel quilty.i cant seem to sort any thoughts out in my head,there all running everywhere.really thought i was going to die yesday,and sure i didnt so now i feel failure that the panics won again.im so tired of it all.

pjrobb

[jo61]

I'm really sorry you feel like that. Is your mum coming to see you? It's horrible when you're that low. I know that. Take care of yourself and you will get through it.

Love Jo x
[:X]

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Pamela,

First of all you are not a failure. I know you are tired of it all but please hang in there. You do need to wait just a bit more for the meds to kick in and if they don't contact your doctor. I'm glad you contacted your mother, you do not need to be alone right now. If I misunderstood and you didn't ring your mum then do call her. Anxiety and depression are overwhelming at times and you may think you want to end it all but that is not what you want it is the illness talking. If you are not getting counseling I strongly urge you to do so. Have you ever gone into the chat room? If not, that is a great place to go when you are feeling down. If it is empty please pm someone who is online and ask them to meet you in there for a talk. You will be okay. Please, please believe that.

Belxx

"Our thoughts are our reality"

[rosebud]

Hi Pamella

Sorry to hear your not feeling to good.
I know how your feeling coz you pretty much described how i'me feeling at the moment. But we musn't give up. Today i thought i was gonna drop dead but now i'me sat here writing this !!!
Tomorrows another day and it could be the day when things start to get better.
Take care
Traceyxxx

[Granny Primark]

Hi pam,
Sorry you are feeling so bad a the moment.
Feelings of guilt do none of us any good, so please dont feel guilty.You certainly have no reason to.
Ive seen you in chat. If youre feeling down pse feel free to pm me.
Big (((HUGS))) from me.

Take care
LYNN xx

[hogwarts]

Hello Pam i was like you yesturday i had a massive Panic Attack at the gym i really thought i was going to drop dead it scared me to death try and stay calm if you can.

Gareth.

[ksmith]

Hi Pam

I remember how you're feeling. My medication seemed to take an age to kick in and I kept going back to the doctor's saying they weren't working. Spose they take longer on some than others but they do work in the end. I would go along with what Nigel says, take each bit of the day a small piece at a time and the days will pass and you will feel better. Try to sleep as much as you can, drink lots of water and eat well. Watch a good DVD or something, anything to distract you for now. Things will get better for you Pam!

Kay x

[wobily_lin]

Pam,

I'm so sorry ye feel like this but as i said before in ur last post, I know this only too well..

I am a ball of guilt for everyting in my life...but I know that it does me no good...we must stop punishing ourselves and as Nigel says we cannot change the past or wish we were back there hun...wots the point? think about it for a mo....can ye change it now??? no u cant....all we can do is try to move forward....

I also told you to try n do sumat each day...doesnt matter wtf is it...or how small...just do it...it will b hard to do it...but ye just hav ta force urself with all ur mite

Meds........well im afraid again ye have to wait a wee longer..give them time...we all want a quick fix but we also know it doesnt work that way..

Depression is crap.....but ye really have ta give it ye best shot hun...n kick its all a wee bit..

Sending you lots of positive vibes hun n hopefully you will soon c a lil light at the end of this tunnel...

We r here for you hun...ur not alone...

hugs xxx

Take care,
Lin xxx
"Fear is dat lil darkroom, wer negatives r developed", so positive thoughts okies!!!!!

[Keitharcher]

Pamela

Kisten to lin, she is talking sense. If its any comfort a year ago i was in the same state as you contemplating suicide couldnt go on etc etc. Like you i also realised that something had to be done, well it was and you can do the same thing as I did, I now consider myself cured. What did I do, simple, I just looked for a small positive no matter how small and hung on to it, I started to malke it a big positive. I applied that to everything i did. At first I couldnt see the positives, then i looked closer, so I missed a bus, at least i only had to wait five mins instead of 15, a small positive. I also started to look at the world and make it a beutifil place to live, the air, flowers sky sun etc. All the positives startd to add up, suddenly there was more positives than negatives. As soon as i realised that i doidnt look back. You can do the same thing, its not easy but the rewards outweigh the difficulites. Now i have a lust for life, and you will as well I promise

Keith

[davidthegnome]

Pamella,

I know how you feel dear one, I have often felt the same way myself in the past. It can feel like such a struggle to go on living day by day with the panic attacks and depression and anxiety. It can feel like you're living in hell and there's no way out. Yet, there truly is a way out, please believe me, you will get better in time, depression and anxiety and panic attacks do not last forever. In time it will get easier and easier to deal with, I promise you.

Over a month ago now I was admitted to a place called the ACSU. A crisis center for adults. I went there because I had told my parents I felt like I wanted to die. I was having three or four panic attacks every day, couldn't sleep, could barely make myself eat, I was in a pretty much constant state of high anxiety, depression and suffering. Yet I made it through the first day, then the next one, then the next. Slowly things became manageable, they got better. My life became easier and I was able to eat and sleep again. It took some time, but I kept holding on and believing that I would be alright.

As another said, I don't think it is so much that you want to kill yourself, but that you want an escape from the pain. It will come, please keep holding on and believing, keep hope alive. This too shall pass, you have overcome many struggles and pains in the past and you will overcome this one as well. Believe in yourself, we all believe in you.

Please don't deprive the world of your light. You have a great deal to offer to the world and one day you will be better, that I promise. Then think of how much you will enjoy your life, think of the others you will be able to help.

I hope you're doing a little better than before, you'll be in my prayers and in my heart. You will make it through this. God Bless you.

Dave