Re: Just started..
Thank you, Is. I feel really sorry for the poor bullied, distressed child. I don't see that child as the same person I am now. I don't know if that disconnect is a problem. I've spent so long trying to forget things that can't be forgotten. There are things all the time reminding me of the child I was, and I can't avoid them. A new temporary worker started in my team while I was signed off. She was a friend of my sister's and went to the same school where I was bullied so badly. There's a guy working in my office whose sister was in my class at that school. And another girl from that same class works for one of the customers I deal with at work, and I have to work with her too. I moved back in with my parents two years ago and I'm back in the bedroom that was mine since I was 10 years old. So I either move away completely and try to forget, or I try to come to terms with the traumas in my past in a more healthy way, with the help of a therapist. I'm choosing to try the latter, because I believe my past would follow me, even if I moved to the other side of the world.
Doze, I am finding I feel sleepy a lot during the day too now I'm on 22.5mg of Mirtazapine. I feel less anxious, but I think only because I'm too sedated to feel the full range of anxiety symptoms. I still feel depressed.
Today it rained most of the day and was grey and gloomy. Normally weather like this really gets me down, so I decided to go out and just ignore the fact it was raining. I saw a pair of Egyptian geese with nine goslings! Very early for baby birds, but a definite sign that spring is on its way.
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"Every day, every hour, I wish that I was bullet proof"