Just the best day yesterday

[valeriej]

I am so happy after yesterday - things seem to be improving for me.

After a stressful few months last year my panic attacks (which I had 8 years ago) resurfaced with a vengeanace in November and I've had them ever since. I suffer from claustrophobia so lifts are out but at work I was also suffering on the stairs and can't go for a walk by myself apart from to the local shop just at the end of my road.

I've been seeing a work counsellor and last week she said was there anything that happened to me when I was young which might have affected me. Couldn't remember but spoke to my eldest sister and apparently when I was between 2-3 we went to visit an Aunt in Kent who had this very small low ceiling cottage. To get to the bedrooms you had to open this cupboard like door and go up dark narrow stairs to small poky dark bedrooms with only a small high up window in each room. I'm really looking forward to discussing this with my counsellor on the 5th to see whether this might have caused a deep seated problem. I was always scared of the cupboard door in my parents bedroom in the old family home and could never understand why.

Back to yesterday though I managed to get to a craft show and stay there the whole day. I was anxious about the stairs beforehand (stairs up to the conference centre) and stairs down to the toilets. A neighbour took me there and my husband collected me (can't use public transport and couldn't walk the 25 minutes there) and I went round with a friend (hadn't met her before) and her Mum. We stayed there from 11 am to 6.15 pm. The only anxious moment I had was walking up the stairs from the ladies once, and when it got a bit hot in the hall - but my friend and her Mum said they were hot too. I am so very very pleased. I took all my comfort things like rescue remedy, diazepam, water, sweets, cool spray just in case but didn't need any of them. I just enjoyed spending money on new craft stash.

I'm listening to a couple of CDs every day which I bought last week by Louise Hay (Overcoming Fears and Stress Free - positive thinking CDs) and I've been taking Relora for the past 3 weeks, I don't know if these are helping or not but I'll do anything to try and get myself back to what was my normal self and even better than normal.

My counsellor said last week what would you really love to be able to do? I said be able to do something without thinking it through and getting anxious about it first, and then do it without having anxiety/panic attacks. I would just love to be able to go on holiday in August without getting anxious about it beforehand and for once to enjoy a holiday - we haven't been on holiday since Dad died in 2005 because we spent our leave with my Mum who lives a 2.5 hour journey from us. It took me the whole morning to pluck up the courage to even phone the ferry company (we're going to the Shetland Isles by ferry overnight then on to Orkney and back to the mainland - in fact on ferries 3 times) but everything is booked now so I can't back out.

I still cannot walk up the work stairs (3 flights) once I'm in (ie go out mid morning or lunchtimes) for fear of having an attack and/or meeting anyone but we are going to work on that (for now I'm staying within my comfort zone and just going a little outside it if I feel up to it - but mustn't push myself) - I can manage it early morning but never meet anyone so seem to be okay. I'm just soooo glad yesterday went well. I have another craft show to go to in April and am soooo looking forward to it now - yesterday was such a confidence boost.

Sorry for such a long post. I just wanted to share with you how well yesterday went. I really do feel good about it.

Hope your weekend isn't too bad.

Valerie

[jo61]

Well done Valerie. That's great to hear. Now that you've spent a whole day in a busy place, you'll have athe confidence to do it again.

Love Jo x

[Wenjoy]

Hey Well done Valerie - I know what you mean - When I spent a morning in a local town the other day alone walking round the shops I felt scared but by lunchtime I was so proud that Id been in shops and bought stuff = I still get funny likeyou do about hot public places and being up a few floors but its all in the mind and as we know - we can learn how to distract and cope - Im still trying and have good and bad days but when you have a good day you feel FAB!! Well done. Love wenjoy x

[Karen]

Well done Valerie.

It is good to have a long term goal and also helpful to set some smaller mini goals along the way to enable you to keep building on success.

Remember the good feelings from yesterday and aim to repeat a similar experience as soon as you can. Small steps along the way and it is possible to get to that holiday.

Karen

[manmoor]

Well done Valerie xx

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Valerie,

Glad you are having some success and making some goals to look forward to. I think in the long end that will help. Keep us posted on how the counseling goes. Great job by the way.

Belxx

[wobily_lin]

Great news Val

WELL DONE YOU X

[nomorepanic]

Valerie

Lots of positives in there so well done you and hope things continue to improve for you.

[Piglet]

I'm listening to a couple of CDs every day which I bought last week by Louise Hay (Overcoming Fears and Stress Free - positive thinking CDs) .

Valerie

I have her 'Feeling Fine' affirmations cd and I tell you it really does give me a boost whenever I need one. Although some of her stuff can be cheesy it works for me!!

Well done on all the achievements recently!!

Piglet x