Just Venting

[Stickyriver]

Hey everyone. I am so happy to have found this site. When I first realized what I had was health anxiety, I felt really alone. My husband, friends, and family cannot understand what it feels like, so it's nice to know other people like me exist.

Anyway, I have really been struggling lately with the idea that I have cancer (specifically late-stage cervical cancer). It all stems back from when I delivered my twins in October. The delivery went well, but I had a severe hemorrhage the day after. I knew immediately something wasn't right, even though three different nurses told me a lot of bleeding was expected for someone trying to nurse. My own doctor almost didn't check me, because he assumed that everything was fine. It was nearly too late by the time someone finally took me seriously. I ended up having an emergency procedure and a blood transfusion. Because of this, I have a serious fear of not being listened to when it comes to my health.

Everything was fine with me mentally until mid-December. I started having an odd discomfort in my lower abdomen accompanied by lower back pain. That's when I became obsessed with the idea that it was cancer. The feeling went away after about a week or so, and it was replaced with a dull ache to the right of my belly button. That ache slowly spread to right under my right rib and then my left. Cue panic, again.

I lived with it for as long as I could before frantically making a doctor's appointment. By "live", I mean lay on the couch or in bed all day feeling entirely hopeless. My fear was debilitating. I wasn't eating. I was hardly sleeping. Luckily I have an amazing husband that picked up the slack while I was down. It was two days before Christmas when I made my appointment. The doctor I saw barely took note of my abdominal pain and just wrote me a prescription for Zoloft to help with the anxiety. He also took blood, which came back clear. I went away feeling pretty distraught. I still had no answers. I got a call from his office after Christmas to tell me my blood work was fine and that we can investigate the stomach pains in a month if they are still there.

Well, they are. I've still had a hard time eating, so I've lost weight mainly in my stomach. What I thought was some deep internal pain, I now know are little nodules under my skin. They ache and burn. I have no idea what they could be, but my mind has several horrible ideas. I can feel them all over the place in my abdomen. I saw a doctor closer to where I live today, and after telling me she has no idea what they are, she said she wants to take the wait and see approach. I don't know if I can live with that. I don't know if I should go somewhere else, or if I should go back and demand that she investigate.

I still feel pretty horrible. I have a hard time not catastrophizing. I just want to watch my little boys grow up with my husband, and the thought of not being able to do that sends me into a panic attack.

If you made it through all that, thank you for reading!

[AnnieMags]

You are letting your imagination run away with you! If you have so recently given birth to twins, there is no chance that you would have an undiagnosed gynaecological cancer, You would have been examined and monitored so closely in your pregnancy and throughout the birth, something like that would not have been missed. You have seen two doctors who are not concerned - try to believe that they would have acted had they had the slightest doubt. Your body is still recovering from pregnancy, labour and delivery of twins - I would imagine this would cause all sorts of small traumas to various tissues - and now there is probably a good dose of anxiety thrown in, too, not to mention tiredness; looking after newborn twins must be an around-the-clock job. It has all snowballed and you find yourself with this all-consuming fear, unable to enjoy your new babies.

I remember being more anxious in every way when my son was newborn, simply because suddenly there was something so incredibly precious and important to live for. Try to calm down and let your body recover. By all means see the doctor again if you need to, but give it a bit of time and let nature do the healing. I hope you soon feel much better. Best wishes from Annie

[poppy77]

Hi! Could it be your pelvic floor. You have just had two babies and an emergency procedure. Your pelvic floor has in all likelihood taken a bit of a battering.

I had my third baby in July. I have had two babies weighing nearly 10 pounds and one weighing nearly eight. Tore three times (once third degree), one forceps delivery, one prolonged second stage and twice extremely fast second stage (less than ten minutes pushing) and a manual placenta removal. So my pelvic floor has been through the mill. In September, I started with low abdominal aching and low back ache on the right. It was there in varying degrees of intensity every day. I was really worried, I even paid for a private ultrasound and smear test to check out the ovaries and cervix (both were clear). I eventually found out that I have a prolapse (two actually, cystocele and rectocele). Annoying yes, but not life threatening - and can be greatly improved with physio.

Now, my prolapse has greatly improved, I hardly ever get the pains - usually only slightly if I really need to do a poo (sorry, tmi!). The dragging feeling is only occasional and this is just six months down the line. They say, it can take two years after childbirth to see maximum improvement in pelvic floor stuff.

You might not have a prolapse as bad as mine but you may have pelvic floor weakness following childbirth which is causing your pains (the muscles are all connected there). See your doctor about checking out your pelvic floor and get a referral to a good gynae physio.

Good luck
Xxx

[Stickyriver]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. The comments definitely gave me more to think about. It's horrible feeling this way, so any new train of thought is a welcome relief.