Ok so what bright spark decided that it was a really good idea to build the Second Severn Bridge into Wales. I guarantee you it wasn’t someone that suffers from panic or anxiety!
On Tuesday I had to drive to Wales and I was aware that there was a bridge to drive across but wasn’t really sure how I was going to be as the last time I did it was over 11 years ago (before I started suffering). I could have planned my journey around it but after last weeks success with the M25 I was ready to face any challenge.
So, I drove on to the bridge and was only on if for about a minute and then suddenly got this horrible “Oh ****” feeling (I am sure you all know it well). This of course escalated out of control and I started getting very panicky/anxious.
I turned the air-con on full to cool me down but was suddenly overcome with an awful dizziness and feeling of terror.
My next reaction was to call my partner. “Help!” I screamed down the phone, “I am on the bridge and want to get off now”.
I was very conscious of the water underneath and the height (I don’t like heights) and then I started thinking that I couldn’t pull over cos it was a) dangerous and b) what was I going to do – get out the car and admire the view!!
Alex talked to me till I was nearly at the end and could see land again and felt a great relief! Phew I was off it.
This is the 1st real panicky feeling I have had this year so it took me completely by surprise and I felt dreadful.
I then saw a sign that said “restricted hard shoulder for 6 miles” and I already knew that there was a tunnel coming up which is something that I know I am not happy to drive through. I just pulled off the first motorway junction I could, pulled over into a side road and sat there in complete shock. I was shaking and feeling really dizzy and didn’t feel as though I could drive at that moment in time.
I called work to ask my boss about the tunnel cos I knew that he went through it last week and he said it was for a few minutes but there was no hard shoulder. Well that made my mind up I had to avoid it. Anyway for the next 20 minutes he was on the phone navigating me round the roads and back on the M4 past the tunnel junction.
I only had another 30 minutes of driving till I got to Bridgend but I was sobbing away in the car. What had just happened to me? Why didn’t I cope?
I got to the hotel and cried my eyes out in the bedroom for a while and then went for a swim and tried to take my mind off it.
I felt dreadful but called Meg and had a good chat about it and I had already decided that I HAD to go back over the bridge today whether I wanted to or not cos I couldn’t avoid and I didn’t want to start avoiding things again. Meg and I discussed the tunnel and decided that I didn’t need to do both on one day so I was going to avoid that again and get off the M4 and then back on again.
So at 3.40 pm today I left Bridgend and set off on the venture home. I was feeling really positive and ready to do both the tunnel and the bridge in one go! Then I decided not to push myself and just do the bridge.
I came off the M4 to avoid the tunnel and got completely lost!! 1 hour later and being on the phone to one of the guys at work who eventually navigated me back to the M4 and I was on my way again.
Now the anxiety was building up cos I knew I had the bridge again. As I got near I had to pull off at the services to calm myself down before I could face it. I called Alex, sent Meg a text who was on standby for helping me (lol) and then set off again.
I was not controlling it very well at all and as soon as I pulled on to the bridge I called Alex and asked him just to talk to me. He was gibbering away about sheep and mint sauce and what I wanted for dinner (bless him). I then realized that if I pulled into the fast lane it wasn’t quite so bad as I couldn’t see the water. I just put my foot down and went for it!
Off the other end in one piece and not so much panicky feelings – just the anxiety that had built up.
To cut a long story short cos I am sure you are all a
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