Really, really depressed :( feel like just ending it

[Anxietysufferer92]

Which sounds crazy because I suffer from health anxiety and I am terrified of death, but right now I just cannot face doing anything.

For about 2-3 months, I have been feeling severely depressed. I used to get all of my university work done, study for my exams, look forward to going work and having a routine but now everything has felt like running a marathon untrained! Every morning I am suffering from very bad back pain which is making my HA worse. These are the symptoms and habits I have gotten into and finding it extremely difficult to get out of

- I used to get to work early and eat breakfast and have a cup of tea, but now the thought of waking up for work makes me feel sick
- I am always sleeping in late and no matter what time I go to bed, I am always tired and worn out
- I have very bad memory and low concentration
- I do everything in slow motion
- At work, I mostly sit in the bathroom and think bad thoughts "what am I dying of?", "why do I have to lose my babies"
- Suffered from my third miscarriage this week
- Blaming myself for my miscarriages because of a termination I had in 2012
- My boyfriend always drinks, and I never go near drinks. I explain how I feel and he tells me I've no reason to be depressed

I literally cannot cope. I just want to stay in bed all day and just forget about everything that's ever happened. :(
Who do I turn to? If my partner is not with me? He only makes it all about himself. I didn't even tell him about my last miscarriage because instead of comforting me, he always blames me for doing something wrong i.e. lifting heavy things, eating the wrong food, not gettng enough sleep. :(

[dedalus]

Hi there OP,

From what you say it sounds as if you clinically depressed. However, I am not a doctor so I can't diagnose you.

It seems that your partner is less than supportive. Perhaps you could separate for a while (or permanently). If he is drinking a lot that can't be good. Sometimes if we change some of the circumstances around us in a positive way it can have a profound effect on our mental well being.

Maybe some time off work might be an option for you also for a while?

This is all just my opinion though. Do you a close friends that you could talk to? Or a family member maybe? I might be an idea to get someone else's opinion.

I wish you the best anyhow.

[MissyMischief]

Hi there OP,

From what you say it sounds as if you clinically depressed. However, I am not a doctor so I can't diagnose you.

It seems that your partner is less than supportive. Perhaps you could separate for a while (or permanently). If he is drinking a lot that can't be good. Sometimes if we change some of the circumstances around us in a positive way it can have a profound effect on our mental well being.

Maybe some time off work might be an option for you also for a while?

This is all just my opinion though. Do you a close friends that you could talk to? Or a family member maybe? I might be an idea to get someone else's opinion.

I wish you the best anyhow.

Good advice, dedalus!

It does not sound like your boyfriend is being supportive at all. And if you were to have a baby together would he be supportive then? And he shouldn't be blaming you for the miscarriage...that is not your fault.

If there are other family/friends/teachers/counselors etc...who you could reach out to right now, I think that is your best bet. You deserve love and support through this trying time.

Good on you for not drinking! And try not to blame yourself for your depression/worries and your miscarriage. I'm sure any doctor would tell you your earlier termination has nothing to do with your current circumstances.

Hugs to you! I hope you get the caring, love, and support you deserve. Take care!