Hi Ellen,
I'm sorry to hear your feeling so down, I'm sending you
(((((BIG HUGS)))))
A year of stress, worry and anxiety can take a lot out of you, so give yourself some "me time" now.
Go on your little break for the weekend - once you get there, you will have loads to take your mind off all the problems, and it will be worth it. I totally understand you being scared to leave your safety zone - I'm the same. However, imagine how good you will feel after it! It will be a big achievement if you go!
However, don't put yourself under pressure. Expect to feel anxious - but just go with it. Take it one step at a time
We will all be waiting here for you - wish I could come with you LOL