Obsession causing me panic and depression

[Abeechx]

I have this obsession which so far no one else in the world seems to have! I've read countless forums and searched on different websites to see if I can relate to anyone but so far only me!! I FEEL SO ALONE :-(
My obsession is with breathing and it's not that I think I'm going to run out of air or I can't breathe ..... it's the fact that I have to do it to stay alive all day everyday 24/7 and I can constantly feel my chest rising and falling and there is no escape. I dont like it and I'm scared of my own breathing I want it to stop.
I have moments when I think I just dont like this sensation! I am trapped and no one can stop it and I can't stop it.
Constantly feeling air going in and out of my body is making me have severe panic attacks!! So severe that I think of sucide as the only escape. I've had many suicidal thoughts but I don't want to do it as I have my daughter who needs me. The only reason I keep going is for her. This is causing me massive depression and I cry all day. I am seeing a cbt therapist and I don't want to take medication as I'm scared I will have to relie on that constantly as I'm always panicking. It seams like I'm scared and panicky every second of the day and I have about 10-15 attacks a day with my heart pounding and trembling. Please someone help me I'm loosing my mind over this. I just want to be happy with my baby girl. I thought it was ocd but how can it be when I'm forced to breath and have no choice. I can't do exposure response therapy when I'm constantly exposed.
Sorry for the long post. Thanks

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi and welcome to NMP

If you mean you feel you have to control your breathing a fair bit then this is common and referred to as Manual Breathing and just one of thosesymptoms of any anxiety disorder really. But if you feel it to such extreme levels that you are obsessed with controlling it then it is OCD but it's one of the lesser known forms that is called Sensorimotor OCD. This covers the need to control an automated function of the body and commonly breathing, swallowing and blinking are mentioned but it can apply to any function.

Your subconscious will always retain control over any autonomic function, since you can't control it consciously in your sleep and must sleep sometime as your body will force you too. I bet sleep is difficult though.

There is a long running thread on it on the OCD board. It's one of the most debilitating forms of OCD, in my opinion, as there is just no end to it as it's so quick & repetitive all day long. It can be beaten though, like any form of OCD.

I might have posted a link to an article about it in that thread which talks about a few different methods to treat it, not just CBT.

Edit: If you search for "Sensorimotor" on the OCD board you will get two pages of different threads right now.

This was the one I was thinking of but it's about swallowing. Same OCD theme though:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthr...t=Sensorimotor

Also, this is the article I mentioned to save you trawling through that thread about it:

http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspect...gage-from-sens

[Abeechx]

Thank you for the reply.... It's not so much that I need to control it or that I am scared it will stop it's actually the "feeling" of the air going in and out that freaks me out. I can't stop it...I notice the feeling of inhaling and exhaling all day long and I can't take my mind off it. I just want to stop breathing but I can't because I will die and I don't want to die. So the fact that I will forever feel this sensation is causing me massive anxiety and panic.
That's why I said I can't find anyone else with this certain condition I've looked through forums but all I can find is people who have health anxiety related to breathing but for me that's not the problem. I don't know how to fix this I've tried everything to take my mind off it and it's been a major problem for 4 months. I can't call an ambulance and say help me I'm breathing, they will take me to the nearest phyiatric unit. I need this to stop