Introducing myself

[JonBrave]

First reply to sookt/T,

Wow, your business sounds impressive, but stressful. Having to interact and speak in court is real hard if you're not feeling well.

I am so sorry you are obviously feeling so down. I can empathise with all that you say: the loneliness, coupled with the lack of anything to do all day long, really get through to you. I too have always suffered from depression, I don't know which of that & the anxiety cause the other. I know the scared feeling, and then the dark thoughts that come.

Do you no have any good days? Do you have any friends you can see? Do you live in a city, where maybe there are some activities you could attend? Do you want to share what meds you are on?

I managed to go into work today. I just bury my head about the business's future and do some work. I feel much better than sitting at home.

Your comment about us retiring at 55 in the UK made me smile It's 67 now, and probably 70 by the time I get there, so no! Besides, probably like you, it's not just the money, it's having something to do all week that I need.

I can only hope your mood picks up. Remember, it's not just the circumstances, it's how you react to them that's the issue for mental health.

Wishing you the very best,
Jon

---------- Post added at 21:06 ---------- Previous post was at 20:59 ----------

Second reply to Idontwannago,

I too have a cat, she's adorable. Though at the end of the day she only really cares that she gets fed! People have suggested a dog, because it makes you have go for a walk etc., but I really don't like pooches.

What in the world is "candy crush"? (Yes, I could look it up, but that's not the point.)

I'll check out Pinterest sometime. Most of my interests are intellectual/games rather than crafts or similar.

Thanks for your suggestions!

Jon

[sookt]

Jon,

Glad to see your back, been checking the post have not seen a response form you so I assumed that you moved on lol

Yeah my business can be very stressful at times. You never told what business you have ?
Thanks for the concerns regarding my moods. Bye the way I have a Cat, I love dogs but they can a pain in the arse also - real needy.

I actually don't remember having any great days for ever. The medications I currently take are 300mg Limictal, 45mg Remeron, 1mg Ativan 3 X a day, 1mg Rexulti and 3mg Lunesta for sleep.

What Medications are you taking ?

Sincerely,
Tim

We can retire at 62, 65 or 67. If I lose my business I am going to file for disability and retire at 62, less $$$ than 67 but I have no other choice.

[Idontwannago]

Jon,

Candy crush is a game wher you have to match 3 pieces of candy in a line. You can get it as an app for your phone, ipad/tablet or play it online (i think) it is a puzzle game that is quite addicting.
Dogs are a lot more friendly/needy than a cat. They want to keep you company and like to play. If my place allowed dogs, I would get one in a heartbeat. Keeping fish is also a calming hobby to get into. I used to have a tropical fish tank. They kinda have their own personalities.

Working or volunteering helps me a lot with my depression because I am actually doing something than trying to sleep the day away. I work in Admin at an employment agency. Not my favourite job, but it does pay the bills and gives me something to do

[JonBrave]

@Idontwannago
Many years ago I did tropical fish tank. It looked great when it was all fresh, but try as I might it didn't stay that way. I can honestly say I never saw a fish which had a personality!

If I could sleep in the day I probably would to pass the day away atm. But I can't. I wonder how you got employed, because my anxiety/depression wouldn't let me, I don't think, unfortunately.

---------- Post added at 17:31 ---------- Previous post was at 17:16 ----------

@Sookt,
If you mean you were waiting to see whether I made a post here in response, thank you!

I thought I did say what I do, but maybe not. I write software, we have a couple of products we sell to businesses. It has been going for a very long time, but now it's running out, and, no, I can't invent anything new now.

Sorry you don't find you have any good days. I was feeling a bit better, went into work some days this week, but now I'm right back where I was. Horrible day today, which is Saturday when I'm usually at my best :(

If you don't mind me saying, you do seem to be on quite a lot of meds. I don't know most of them, and we use different names here anyway. I have spent most of my life on SSRIs of one kind or another, Prozac, Citalopram, Sertraline. I had stopped them, now for this bout in the last 4 weeks I have gone back onto Mirtazapine. That's supposed to be good for anxiety, apparently, but tbh does not seem to be making much difference.

I feel very low and anxious today. Life is tough.

J.

[sookt]

Hi Jon,

WOW writing software sounds daunting, you must be one smart son of a gun ( cowboy jargon ). Sorry you are not feeling well today neither am I. Yeah I am on a lot of meds., we both are on Mirtazapine ( also called Remeron in the US ). I have also ran the gamut of SSRI's and SNRI's.

I not feeling that the Remeron is doing much either, what dose are you on ?

I heard some bad news today. I good friend of mine who suffer like we do with Mental Illness has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He is going in for further test next week to see if It has spread. I could always count on him as someone that understood and never looked down his nose at me with my own struggles. He is a smart Attorney who lost his law practice 30 years ago because of this EFFIN disease called Mental Illness.

Positive thoughs for him !

[JonBrave]

Hi sookt,

Yes, like you, I seem to have been on everything. Interesting that Remeron is Mirtazapine and you are on it, it seems to have become "the flavour of the month" over here, I had not heard of it till six months ago, now all the docs prescribe it. I'm on the maximum dose of 45mg over these 4 weeks. I read it's supposed to be good for anxiety, but I haven't found it's made a blind bit of difference.

Sorry for the news from your pal. If you even have a friend who suffers & understands that's more than I have. My friends mean well, but haven't a clue what it's all about. Just be a good friend to him, given his news.

Software writing has been my life. But as you say, now that I am not well "daunting" is a fitting description. If I cannot concentrate 100% it's worse than impossible, I can actually do harm by introducing mistakes. So it's very hard to do atm.

I do notice --- and have always noticed --- that I am *really* bad in the mornings/early daytime. Mood can lift in the evening. Makes working hard. Do you have that pattern --- I gather it is pretty common for anxiety/depression to be worst early on in the day?

J.

[sookt]

Yo Jon,

Remeron is not a new drug, it has been around for a while. I wonder why so many Docs. are prescribing it, it does have fewer startup side effect than all the other drugs you & I have both been on. I, like yourself have not really felt any difference but I plan on giving it 6 weeks before I pull the plug, I am on 45mg also bit just for 1 week. I stated off on 30mg for 3 weeks before the dosage was increased.

Yes like most suffers we have the high anxiety in the morning, makes it hard to get out of bed to face the world. I can understand why you would not want to go to work with it being so damm hard to concentrate. I wish you had more support from your friends, most of mine just don't understand.

Thank you for your kind thoughts towards my suffering friend, needless to say he is very worried right now.

Chat soon - take care of yourself, I know how hard that can be with our disease.

Tim

[sookt]

Jon,

Long time no chat, how has the forum been treating you ?

How are you feeling these days ?

Tim

[JonBrave]

HI Tim,

Came back --- so nice to see you chose to post. I see that actually you posted last time, so it was really my turn --- sorry!

Right this minute I have taken another bit of vallie so am calming down --- for a couple of hours. I'm afraid I'm still in a real state. I went into work yesterday & today, so you'd think I'd be doing "better", but far from it. Sorry to sound negative. It's a constant fight against the anxiety all day every day. A while back I got better in the evenings, now they seem to be just as bad.

People ask me just what I am so anxious/ill over. In truth, I think now that I am anxious/ill over just how anxious/ill I feel all the time. Which I know is circular. Does this ever end? Even my therapist said "If I thought you could do something to get yourself out of this at the moment I would tell you so, but I don't think you can". She described me as too scared to live and too scared to die. I try, I expected going to work to pull me out of this as it has done in the past, but it isn't doing that.

Do you get it as bad as this --- anxiety every waking hour? I get the impression others here have periods, but mine is just all the time --- the only relief is valium or sleep.

Sorry to sound unrelentingly negative. It's therapeutic to just write some words. How is it going for you? It's a shame you don't come into chat.....

All the Best,
Jon

---------- Post added at 19:13 ---------- Previous post was at 19:12 ----------

Oh, P.S., if you feel like it, do post every day, I'll try to answer, gives me something to do!

[sookt]

Jon,

Sorry to hear that you are suffering so much with anxiety. I also suffer with it 24/7 since I have GAD. I just ordered a book off Amazon titled "At Last a life" by Paul David http://www.amazon.com/At-Last-Life-P.../dp/0956948103

It's highly rated in this forum and on Amazon. Paul himself battled and beat anxiety then decided to write a self-help book on how he did it, he suffered for 10 years.

The 45mg Mirtazapine knocks we out to sleep for 10 hours a night,. does it help you sleep ?

I don't chat because I type too slow, I hunt a peck 

Let’s stay in touch.

Tim