Hi guys,
I haven't been on here in a while but thought I'd come back and share something which I have been struggling with for a while. I'm concerned about my weight and my relationship with food, ultimately.
I find most things in life very demanding and difficult, as many of you I'm sure will understand.
I had to give up working full time as it was having such an effect on my anxiety, sending me into extreme paranoia, emotional distress and disturbed thoughts. I feel better since leaving the awful work place where I sadly had such a bad time. However, I'm spending most days at home and even when I do go out, this same issue presents itself. I just eat and eat. I have always found that food brings me a happiness, even from a young age, but I was always very slim with a high metabolism.
Since hitting my mid twenties, I've found it very difficult to shift excess weight and lately have been gaining quite a considerable amount, I've had a lot of extreme stress and anxiety in the last year which I've been pacifying with food and "treats" I suppose. I look forward to having chocolate and cake and become sad if I can't have them. It sounds pathetic but I guess it's a kind of addiction.
I have no motivation for exercise, I have always hated it, ever since I was at school. I tried going to the gym, that lasted a few months and I was only really going once or twice a week. I've tried exercise classes but I become too anxious in front of other people. I get ideas in my head of getting fit and doing certain activities, like taking up running for example, but they never actually become a reality. It's so frustrating. I just have no motivation for it, but I don't think the anxiety and stress help that either. I would much rather stay in, listen to music, read a book and eat cake!
I'm a veggie, so I don't eat any meat but we do eat a lot of steamed veg - so I know that's healthy, my downfall is cheese...I know it's ridiculously calorific but I would eat a whole block if I could! Also sweet things as mentioned above. If I have cup of tea, I always have a biscuit with it...I'm also like a child in that I only really like sugary cereals and if I have porridge or something similar I have to put lots of sugar or syrup on it.
I'm scared when I see myself naked, I try to avoid that as much as possible. I avoid mirrors too. I'm so worried I will end up with diabetes or heart disease, I'm only 26. I know it's not too late, but I need to get a grip now or I will just get fatter and fatter. I'm currently a UK size 16, 5'6/5'7 in height but I don't know what I weigh...I think it's around the 13 stone mark. Putting that into a BMI calculator comes up as overweight and heading to obese! If you saw me in the street, I don't think you'd see me as obese. I think because I'm that little bit taller than average that I can carry it off a little better than a shorter person.
I do enjoy walking and I'm fortunate enough to be living in a beautiful part of the country with lots of places to walk nearby with lovely scenery, my partner and I did go on a walk the other weekend, all mainly uphill and although I was somewhat short of breath, it wasn't debilitating and I managed to keep up with him most of the way (he's very fit and healthy!).
Now that the better weather is here, I am hoping to do more walks and I'm considering joining a dance class. I'm anxious about showing myself up in front of other people though.
I just need to get a grip on this overeating and treating myself once, sometimes twice a day. Eating too much chocolate to make myself feel better too.
If anyone has any advice or has been through a similar situation please reply.
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