Sense of self and emotions :S

[existential crisis]

Hi guys,

This is going to sound like a weird one - so please bear with me. Basically what is bothering me at the moment is the fact that I feel like I have no sense of self. That might sound really abstract and weird but it is bothering me big time. It worries me mainly because of that sort of feeling being associated with personality disorders. I feel like I don't know who I am, like there is no 'me' - if that makes sense. Now, I have been doing the whole Claire Weekes thing and she explains a lot about personality disintegration, and I'm wondering whether how I feel is just a result of constantly being anxious and unsure in the past, or whether there is something seriously wrong with my personality. I know that I am probably not doing the Claire Weekes thing properly because if I was was I would be passing through this particular feeling without trying to look for a reason for it. Trouble is, this is something that is recurring and I am starting to wonder whether it is something to be concerned about. I do feel very detached a lot of the time, like I don't really have any real or normal emotions. I also feel 'different' from other people, I never feel part of anything and even when in company it is rare that I feel 'part of stuff'. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense - it's a weird thing to try and describe. It's like I just don't know myself - like I'm just simply not normal. I also find it very hard to be natural around people because I am always so concerned with myself and what is going on in my head. I also find that there a lot of contradictions within my personality which cannot be reconciled with each other and that this inconsistency in myself causes me anxiety.
I have mentioned this to my Mental Health Nurse who just tried to explain it away and then went on to discharge me. Does anyone else have any experiences of feeling like this? Thanks for your replies. Clare. xxx

[trish1955]

i think i do no how yr feelin and how hard it is to put into words i to feel so out of soughts all the time i was only sayin other day to my sister i feel like i have been in some kinda trance like state since saturday wish i new how to explain like u have bye for now trish

[dave01]

Hi i think i know what you mean, i feel i have lost all perspective on everything, it's almost like anxiety takes over and shuts down all your senses and i'm just left basically in a total anxious state which dictates all my conscious and sub-conscious thoughts, it then is very difficult to navigate away from this situation and i just tend to go round and round in circles.
Hope this is of a little help to you
Best wishes
Dave.

[Jimbo]

These sort of symptoms can be caused by all sorts of things; Depression, Anxiety, Stress, Personality Disorders, etc. It could just be de-personalisation / realisation from anxiety. Self image is one of the things that is so easily affected if you get some sort of mental illness as you often don't see yourself in the same way and it knocks your self esteem and confidence.

Is this something that you have only felt recently / intermittently or have you felt like this for a long time?

I have just been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It's a scary sounding diagnosis, but not as bad as it sounds. A personality disorder is not really an illness it's just a 'label' that describes the way your particular personality has developed through your life.

It's only recently that because I've had panic disorder and depression, seen a psychiatrist and therapist, that it's been diagnosed for me. Here's my thread about it (here), it starts to ramble on after a while but there's my story and some useful links about BPD in the first few pages. It might help put your mind at rest that it's not that.

I wouldn't get so worried about it, I would trust in your doctors, cpn, etc. Have you had any counselling or getting any therapy or anything like that might help you explore these feelings and why you might be getting them?

Jim

[Sunkid]

Hi Clare

I have exactly what you talk about. It is the root of my anxiety and my depression. Yes, anxiety does not bring it on for me; it is the thing that brings on anxiety. I am a therapist myself and I had to work through this issue. It is called "self-denial" and is a sort of coping mechanism. It is not the beginning of something more sinister or worse that lies ahead - it is totally normal and it is something that can be changed over time and with a lot of patience. I'll send you a PM with more of my story and how I am overcoming this feeling.