Partner in hospital I'm in pieces again

[Buster70]

Hi , partner walked out of hospital yesterday she had the blood tests after 20 hours of medication on drip and doc said she could come home after seeing mental health but they messed her about from when she went in so she just walked out , theyv rang to see where she is , she's had back pain that's got worse and I don't know what the hell to do I guess it's kidney pain and she would have been tested along with her liver but I don't know if it's normal , they told we to rest which she isn't and no pain killer or alcohol for long time , I darent go far from the house leaving her but she says she wants to be on her own , canceled my cbt for today and booked in at docs to get some diazepam , I want to be there for her but I'm struggling to cope , I apreaciate the replies I've had just wish I had somone who could tell me what the he'll I'm supposed to be doing , cheers all .

[pulisa]

I think you need to be in the house with her but give her some space. The mental health team need a kick up the backside and should be giving her and you support at home especially when it is so soon since she left hospital. You need to know where you both stand re her blood tests and exactly what damage has or hasn't been caused by the overdose. Also you need guidance re alcohol consumption.

She knows you care deeply but she's bound to be going through hell...as you are too of course. Do you have a number to contact re mental health?

[Buster70]

Hi pulisa, she waited for 13 hours for blood test because no doctors were on after 6 pm she was over on the first test then they said ok to go after the second then she would have had to wait another 5 or so hours to see the mental people , while she was there people were dieing in beds next to her it's a ward next to a+e she just wanted out , they were going to see her next week anyway but not sure what to do or even say to her in the mean time , when my daughter went through it at seventeen they never even contacted her and haven't since , going to ask my doc this afternoon but I'm even worried about going there , daughters at work till six , hope you are doing ok and miss alone I know you all have your own problems , thanks

[pulisa]

It sounds awful-makes a mockery of the "caring" mental health services who have changed so much and are now there for everyone-what a joke..only it's certainly not for you and your family..

I don't blame her for wanting out of hospital and she's better off at home providing you think she isn't going to take another overdose.. I think you should just be there for her,don't put pressure on her or ask her too many questions. You've sadly been through all this before and it must be awful having all these memories re your daughter dregged up..

Can your daughters get home any earlier just to give you some moral support? Or anyone else that you trust?

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree with pulisa, just be around in the background for now so she knows you are there if she needs you but doesn't feel crowded. Taking her a cup of tea or a sandwich shows you care right now.

I bet you have questions for her but perhaps this comes later? Her emotions must be all over the place and she may be feeling embarrassed or ashamed too. You will know this better than a lot of us from your experience with your daughter.

Speaking to your GP is a good idea so they can tell you what to do and what you should be getting in terms of support from here. You need to know someone is there if you need help.

Also it may be wise to have a crisis team number to hand just in case you feel you need urgent support, if you have such a team in your area that you are allowed top ring direct.

I hope you are both doing better very soon and you can move on from this. Hang in there Buster, you are doing the right things.

[swgrl09]

I can't imagine how stressful this must be on you right now. It sounds like you both have been through hell and back. I agree with the others about being in the background and giving her space but being home. You may have done this already but depending on how she's feeling, it might be smart to move the medications in the house to some place safe just in case.

[Buster70]

Hi all , partner has a kidney infection hense the back pain her mood is very low and no one at all has spoken to her from the mental health team , I've been trying to keep it together by I'm realy mixed up im glad she got through it and want to help her but I also feel angry that she did this after we went through it with our daughter , I've felt like giving up many times myself so I know when depression sets in you don't think of anyone , stood outside a shop today and it hit me like a ton of bricks realy horrible black cloud came over me , I felt sick and completely hopeless like nothing will ever improve , it's passed a little now but I've got this feeling I need to screen or cry or anything to let it out , 6 days of keeping it in I'm full to bursting , I feel selfish for even feeling this way , take care all .

[pulisa]

Don't feel you're being selfish-it's perfectly natural that you feel you want to self-combust. Under the circumstances I don't know how you've managed to hold it together so don't be surprised that you feel angry with her. It's a form of "betrayal" because you went through so much together with your daughter but I doubt whether she was thinking rationally at the time. Forgive her and you may lessen your own anxiety and depression? She needs you now and you need to look after yourself. Maybe you will be able to talk to her a bit about it in the days to come...at her own pace.

[Mugs]

Hi Buster
Sending you all the best from Canada.
I've noticed you are quick to offer help to others on this forum, now it's our turn to be there for you and offer support and advise.
Please know that we are thinking of you and wish you the very best. I hope things are looking better for you and your family today.
Take care.
Mugs

[LittleMissAlone]

I second that, Mugs!

Buster, you are very quick to offer reassurance and kindness to others, you're very well liked so our thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Your partner will pull through this, but it's a difficult time.