HA ruining my life
So 2 months ago I started have back and right arm pain and issues with muscle spasms. I didn't think too much of it at first but it persisted far longer than anything similar I'd ever had. So, I did the big no-no and I googled my symptoms. Boom, what should pop up? ALS, an extremely deadly and frightening disease. Since that day I have been a complete wreck. I have had frequent panic attacks and the lingering fear/dread has basically made these past 2 months a complete and unlivable hell. I've been through therapy, in and out of doctors offices of all sorts, been put on anxiety meds and so far I have seen absolutely no relief and no real answers and I am at wits end.
The anxiety has waxed and waned over this time, but I don't think I've had even a single day where it hasn't had a severe impact on my quality of life. The doctors have been absolutely zero help either. They did a cervical MRI and said I did have a minor impingement on my C7 nerve, but they weren't 100% sure it was the cause of all my issues. Since then it seems it's just one symptom after another, and when I start to feel better about things something new pops up and the panic starts all over. At first it was the arm pain and twitching, then back pain, then wrist pain, then my arm always felt tired.
Now of course this has all led to hyper-vigilance and today I notice the muscle tone around my right forearm by the elbow seems less than by my left elbow when the arm is extended. Maybe it's always been that way, maybe that's normal, I don't know. What I do know is I am once again in full on panic mode and I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Now it's possible ones forearm tone is different than the other, but that doesn't stop my brain from constantly going to the "look, it's a sign of atrophy, you're doomed" and everything I do to control the fear has zero effect.
I feel so lost and I feel so helpless at this point. My life has become a living hell and I'm starting to fear I will see no relief until a year or so from now when if I was really truly sick with what my fears say I am I'd be seeing clear progression of the disease. Honestly though, I don't know if I can make it a year. Doctors don't do a thing to help either as they won't run any more tests, they only do basic strength tests and send me on my way. They tell me things like "it could be MS", or "Thoracic outlet syndrome" or various other conditions or even neurologic diseases but yet they are unwilling to do anything. I feel so helpless, so lost, and the suffering has basically hindered my ability to live my life completely. I don't know what to do, can't afford to keep seeing doctors for reassurances or in hopes they will help, and I just don't know what to do anymore.
Maybe this is all health anxiety. Maybe my muscle tone differences is completely normal and just means one forearm is a little more toned than the other. I don't know, but I certainly acknowledge that could be the case, but the reactive part of my brain just maintains complete control and prevents any logical thought from breaking through its wall of complete and total life destroying dread.
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Anxietyman2016
