I woke up this morning feeling rock bottom again, I didn't want my dh to leave me today and usually im kicking him out the door at 7am so I can get the day started
I felt low again and alone so dh said he would go to work and get his things and work from home today. He told his boss about things and he said he can take time off to be with me. I rung the dr and he wanted to see me at 9.20am, dh was still in work so I rung him and told him he wouldn't make it, he wanted to come in with me.
My best friend met me there, she sat with the children when I went in to see him. I didn't know this until afterwards but my dh had rung up the drs to speak to my dr before I went in, the receptionist had an arguement with my dh saying she couldn't do that but my dh demanded to be put through. He was put through and he told the dr id felt so low yesterday I talked about suicide, abit strong but yes I did feel as though life isn't worth living if im always going to feel this anxious. He told my gp everything.
I went in the room and my dr was still abit unfriendly I found but he did take me very seriously. I still felt as though he thought I was being a pain for being there, I seem to be fine for 4-6 mths then im back in that room saying I feel I can't live with the anxiety anymore, im low etc... I bet he feels like giving up on me and I feel a right pain in the arse
He asked if I had thought about how id harm myself and I said no it wasn't like that I just felt like life isn't worth it if im always going to feel anxious. I told him it sort of cripples me to which he agreed he understood how I felt, I told him I can't do basic tasks, it stops me eating and functioning. I can't laugh or enjoy life. He said my anxiety is very hard to treat, a person that if they get a cold or virus and always thinks there is a serious under lying problem is so fixed with their way of thinking its hard to reverse it but he said CBT is the answer. He thought id had it before but I told him not really, I had a few sessions with a counsellor who could do cbt but it never got to that and then he discharged me, at the time though I was ok anxiety wise.
He gave me a prescription for a book on health anxiety and refered me to a mental health team who will then forward me for CBT. I went down this route last time so im going to request another therapist. It might be a while but shouldn't be more than a couple of weeks. In the mean time he is going to see me weekly for a chat and I am to read the book. I have a problem though because the book is out of print now and the library in town have a waiting list of 6 people and with 3 books which are all out on loan at the moment it could be months before I get it so thats no good. I have had a look on WH SMITH and its 2-4 week wait, I can't find it anywhere and I don't know what I am supposed to do until thenIts
"Stop worrying about your health" by George D. Zgorrides.
If anyone knows where I can get this book sooner then id be very grateful. I have tried everywhere today.
Anyway sorry thats abit long winded but there is my update. My dh is home today and im getting some rest this afternoon, I feel so tired, anxiety is exhausting.
Thanks for your support
Reply With Quote
and getting no where, you will get better, it will take time, and you are certainly not alone. we,re all here for you.
