Hello people, I used to suffer such horrendous anxiety it was literally crippling, I'm 23 and in 2010 I suffered some kind of mental and physical crash, I started getting physical health issues and mental ones. I've been really far down (To the point that I hoped it was cancer, because at least I would know what I'm fighting) after sitting on a rock, in the middle of a field a good 10 miles from civilisation and watching the sun rise I came to a realisation that this is my life, and I want to make the most of my short time on this strange rocky planet. Since then through force of will I've been able to overcome a lot of things I didn't think were possible, but here's my snag... Endoscopy.

Christmas 2014 I got GERD symptoms and they never left me, after a year of flip flopping between medications we've bitten the bullet and said we're going to go for the Endoscopy. It's on Thursday and the fear of it is making the old anxieties come back.

I've always had a fear of feeling sick, it's such a horrible experience, biologically I know it's important, but honestly why couldn't nature just have made your little finger turn bright blue when you need to empty your stomach due to poisoning instead of a prolonged feeling of nausea. Anyway anything around the stomach has always been a no-go, but I need to have this done, the pain I've been getting is intolerable. I don't want to have any conscious awareness of the procedure, I want to be one of those who say "First they gave me the sedative, then next minute I was in recovery"

I am 100% sure I will be going for sedation, my issue is that the drug they use, Midazolam, I have had before. I had 3mg for a colonoscopy in 2014 and this to me felt like I'd drunk a lot of alcohol in a short space of time, I was fully aware of what was going on around me and, as anyone who's had a colonoscopy will tell you, there's a little bend they have to do, almost a right angle and they warn you "You'll feel it go round", the Midazolam did take away my inhibitions and allow me to proclaim to the room at large that "that hurt like a mother ******". I recall 70-80% of that procedure. The maximum dose they are allowed to give is 5mg, I'm worried that the extra 2mg wont be enough to get me to fall asleep as some people have reported.

I'm in the UK so a general anesthetic is off the menu. My current plan basically involves sleep deprivation, just not going to sleep that night so when they dose me I'll just (hopefully) slip into sleep. It's an early morning appointment and I've nothing else on that day so I wont mind sleeping through that day.

When they asked me before they booked it "What are you most afraid of?" I replied with "That they find nothing" because as a rule I think long term not short term, now I'm wishing I had made some comment about being awake so they'd put on the notes "Knock this one out - He's trouble".

Any experiences, or positive help would be reassuring and much appreciated.

I'm hoping the NHS does right by me this time, I don't want to be shorted on drugs for cost cutting purposes or I swear, I will find Jeremy Hunt and... Well I'm not sure, but he wont be getting a sedative!