Old returning member - MONOPHOBIA!

[belle]

After a horrible relapse last year, monophobia has robbed me of every shred of independence I once had.

Living with my mum since last year, I've tried many times to go back home but within minutes I am Panicking. I cannot do it. That horrendous wave of fear engulfs me and renders me a powerless mess.

I've been on meds for years (20mg escitalopram) and have had CBT for a year. Nothing is helping. I'm at that point where I cant see a way out and it's making me depressed and suicidal :-(

Any ideas!?

Sarah

[Kuatir]

Hi Belle,

Please find somebody to speak to about your feelings. If not a family member or doctor/therapist then call the Samaritans. There is help available.

I don't have the answer to your monophobia. When facing your fear do you panic and go straight back to your mum or do you ever work through the panic attack and try to spend time at home? I would guess that small steps is the key to extending the time you can spend alone at home.

[belle]

I do try but I am so terrified - I am scared of what I will do if I'm home alone and I have one..

[Kuatir]

Are you never home alone at your mum's house?

[SLA]

Hi Sarah,

I never knew what monophobia was until I read this, so I am obviously not an expert.

Have you ever had regression therapy, or hypnotherapy?

Just checked out your YT channel. You're a a veteran! I only started a few months ago. I will watch some of your videos later after work.

J

[belle]

Yeah... I've been going since 2007 I think... a few years now

[randomforeigner]

I had no idea either what "monophobia" was until I googled it just now. It says "It can be seen from this that agoraphobia tends to reduce self-confidence and the belief that activities can be carried out alone. It can be a short step from here to a belief that being alone at all is not safe. ... also believe that he or she will die or collapse or do something terrible when panic strikes and this too might make having a trustworthy person present seem as if it is essential ... A parent might be more available and might more easily fall back into the mode of looking after this adult as a needy child again. ... As with any anxiety disorder, monophobics cannot be talked or bullied out of their problem. ... /the anxiety/ is operating on the intellectual level of a young child ... a structured recovery programme where this person is alone for gradually increasing periods. ..." (Source: www.anxietycare.org.uk)

I would theorize that your anxiety, which forms a part of you now, is operating on very much the same intellectual level as this little cute puppy in this film on dog separation anxiety. Look how many times the dog trainer trains the same little sequence; puppy at home alone him leaving house. He says one important thing in the film: "follow-through is the most important step ... it must be completed, if you don't complete it the dog wins." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lbjxq0p_x8
Remember too they never treat these little puppies with medication, they always treat with repeating the exercise, over and over and over and over again. How many times did you practice to go back home? Did you try in one big anxious leap to move over or did you try in small steps, first visiting for five minutes only, then for six minutes, etc? Remember that your anxiety is like a small puppy, you cannot intellectually talk to a puppy and explain how it ought to be, or force it out of its behaviour. Maybe you can get some useful ideas out of watching the video and think about how you'd address the problem if you look at your anxiety as if it was as small and anxious as this little puppy in the film. When you say "I cannot do it", the "dog" wins. If you don't complete your exercise, the "dog" wins.

[Bigboyuk]

I had no idea either what "monophobia" was until I googled it just now. It says "It can be seen from this that agoraphobia tends to reduce self-confidence and the belief that activities can be carried out alone. It can be a short step from here to a belief that being alone at all is not safe. ... also believe that he or she will die or collapse or do something terrible when panic strikes and this too might make having a trustworthy person present seem as if it is essential ... A parent might be more available and might more easily fall back into the mode of looking after this adult as a needy child again. ... As with any anxiety disorder, monophobics cannot be talked or bullied out of their problem. ... /the anxiety/ is operating on the intellectual level of a young child ... a structured recovery programme where this person is alone for gradually increasing periods. ..." (Source: www.anxietycare.org.uk)

I would theorize that your anxiety, which forms a part of you now, is operating on very much the same intellectual level as this little cute puppy in this film on dog separation anxiety. Look how many times the dog trainer trains the same little sequence; puppy at home alone him leaving house. He says one important thing in the film: "follow-through is the most important step ... it must be completed, if you don't complete it the dog wins." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lbjxq0p_x8
Remember too they never treat these little puppies with medication, they always treat with repeating the exercise, over and over and over and over again. How many times did you practice to go back home? Did you try in one big anxious leap to move over or did you try in small steps, first visiting for five minutes only, then for six minutes, etc? Remember that your anxiety is like a small puppy, you cannot intellectually talk to a puppy and explain how it ought to be, or force it out of its behaviour. Maybe you can get some useful ideas out of watching the video and think about how you'd address the problem if you look at your anxiety as if it was as small and anxious as this little puppy in the film. When you say "I cannot do it", the "dog" wins. If you don't complete your exercise, the "dog" wins.

So true I like the way you put it as a young puppy you have to stay consistent to make the association on the puppies mind then you win don't stick at it and the puppy wins or actually loses out Thanks for your input Cheers

[belle]

Thank you for that :-)

I started off slowly....5 minutes gradually up to 2 hours, then I felt confident in being home alone the night... in fact I did 2 nights perfectly...3rd night panic attack at 3am... couldn't breathe (suffer from asthma), ambulance called - back to square one... I started again... got up to 2 hours, then the other day I was so happy, felt really capable of being alone, then BAM panic attack....

I am honestly a person that keeps fighting and fighting ... 18 years in, I've no fight left... I'm exhausted and each time I fail, depression and suicidal thoughts kick in....

[Kuatir]

Thank you for that :-)

I started off slowly....5 minutes gradually up to 2 hours, then I felt confident in being home alone the night... in fact I did 2 nights perfectly...3rd night panic attack at 3am... couldn't breathe (suffer from asthma), ambulance called - back to square one... I started again... got up to 2 hours, then the other day I was so happy, felt really capable of being alone, then BAM panic attack....

I am honestly a person that keeps fighting and fighting ... 18 years in, I've no fight left... I'm exhausted and each time I fail, depression and suicidal thoughts kick in....

You're doing so well. Perhaps those bigger steps (from 2 hours to 3 nights) are too much. You are so eager to beat this that the knock back is incredible when you experience a panic attack. Try not to see it as failure, because it really isn't. You've only failed when you've given up completely and you are not going to do that.