Hi, I just joined. Sorry for the brash introduction. (idk if I'm suppose to put TWs, so I put one just in case)

I've been having this problem for at least a year now. On and off, I just can't stop thinking about how I wish I was never born (when I should feel grateful for the life I have, I know) and then I think about how I'm going to have to kill myself someday. Like... out of necessity. I just keep thinking about it. I don't know if it's intrusive thoughts or what. Whenever it happens I just get so upset and all I can do is wait for it to pass. It's feels like being buried or drowning. Does anyone know what else I can do?

Sometimes I wish I was old and closer to death so I wouldn't have to deal with this. I know that's stupid to think though.

It seems to be triggered by news/worldly problems but sometimes it happens for no reason. I can't seem to avoid it. I don't know what to do.

It's so frustrating not being able to control your own thoughts. Thank you for reading this.