Morning hell

[up a ladder]

I am in a bad place at the moment and the mornings are really bad. I have about 5 seconds of feeling okay and then it hits me. This morning I got up took the dogs out and came home and broke down in the kitchen. The wife is very supportive but she has so much work to do. I cant focus on anything so I try to help but I just seem to not be able to finish anything. My 16 year old daughter is creating havoc and does not do anything we ask and does what she wants. Today is mothers day and all I have heard from my daughter is how much she hates us.
I am struggling to see how I get through this. I am still working and in some ways that helps as it distracts me, but I am wondering how long I can keep that going.
Sorry for the negatives, but I cant see a way out of this.
I am on meds, I see a therapist but still not doing well
I keep seeing this mirroir image of a 6ft 17 stone joke of a man crying like a baby

[Mermaid16]

Hi! I'm not sure I can be much help, but feel I am going through a similar thing at the moment. I am also still working, it is a good distraction, but I find I'm drained by the time I get home. There is no shame in crying, male or female. In fact I think a good cry can release some of the pent up tension. This isn't going to last forever, so please be patient. I have done some Acceptance and Commitment Therapy courses, which I find helpful. Especially a book called the happiness trap by Russ Harris. It basically teaches that thoughts are just thoughts, the way react to them impacts on the way we feel and any thoughts that aren't helpful let go of. I know it sounds easy, and I still have my moments, but it does help some. I try to make myself do things. I could easily lay in bed all day and think about myself, but I make myself vacuum the house, cook dinner etc, because I feel I have achieved something, which decreases the feeling of depression. Try to remember that it will get better, be kind to yourself, do some meditation and take breaks when you need them. Hope things start to improve soon. Maybe an appointment with you doc just to let him know how you are feeling would help also. Tracy

[beatroon]

Hey there upaladder (and Mermaid),
Really sorry to hear how low you're feeling. As Mermaid says, there is no shame at all in having a good cry - it's adaptive, because it releases excess magnesium from the body, and makes you feel better. Acceptance and commitment therapy is a good one to check out, I love The Happiness Trap, so would second that recommendation!
I wanted to particularly respond to your post about looking in the mirror and seeing a joke of a person: that is simply not true, and not what anyone else would see. They would see a survivor, a person who is going through tough times and continuing to have the grit to get up in the mornings. I'm not sure where this critical voice is coming from but it is very common with anxiety and depression. Dr Russ Harris (author of The Happiness Trap) says it's like being a celebrity and reading bad headlines about yourself all the time. We have to learn to disregard them as just so much 'fake news'!

[WoodChucker]

Hey there upaladder (and Mermaid),
Really sorry to hear how low you're feeling. As Mermaid says, there is no shame at all in having a good cry - it's adaptive, because it releases excess magnesium from the body, and makes you feel better. Acceptance and commitment therapy is a good one to check out, I love The Happiness Trap, so would second that recommendation!
I wanted to particularly respond to your post about looking in the mirror and seeing a joke of a person: that is simply not true, and not what anyone else would see. They would see a survivor, a person who is going through tough times and continuing to have the grit to get up in the mornings. I'm not sure where this critical voice is coming from but it is very common with anxiety and depression. Dr Russ Harris (author of The Happiness Trap) says it's like being a celebrity and reading bad headlines about yourself all the time. We have to learn to disregard them as just so much 'fake news'!

True. Stephen Fry goes through horrible depressions and he described them as a voice in his head constantly telling him how worthless and much of a loser he is, even though he is massively successful.

[WildBerry]

Wow, upaladder, I was really moved by your post - and I relate to so much of it. I suffer from depression, and anxiety about everything. Meds used to help, now they seem not to. I'm also in therapy, and probably without the meds & therapy I'd be much worse, but I don't feel I'm doing well at the moment. Not myself at all. And yes, mornings are definitely the worst. I wake up with a knot in my stomach and a feeling of dread. The worst thing is staying there ruminating about it, so it's good you have dogs to get you up & out, and good that you're working. (I think that may be part of my problem- I'm 70 & retired, and in my current state not really fit to do much.) I have found that mindfulness helps - look at the Headspace app, which has been helpful for me. And don't worry about crying. A good cry is very therapeutic, nothing to be ashamed of, ever. I don't see a "baby" in your post - I see a sensitive, brave, strong man doing the best he can to deal with an illness that is not his fault. Go easy on yourself. I wish you all the best.