Not a good week

[Meg]

Sorry Kate,

It's on the website I posted at the time.

Here it is again: www.ocdcentre.com

Will sort out that stack of papers now ....



Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[kate]

Thanks, Mico, will check it out.

Ooh, sorry Meg, I thought you meant the info was in the flyers and leaflets that you were sending [:I]

Will look at the site again!

Kate x

[kate]

Well, I haven't posted here for a long time things haven't been good but I haven't been in the mood to share.

Hannah is still seeing the psych but he is only able to help with school related issues.

Have received a letter from the child councelling unit just saying that they will be in touch to discuss Hannah's problems in full. So don't know when that will be.

Have now done my first week at work without my mate and it was even worse than I thought it would be. She ended up leaving a week earlier than planned due to our bosses totally dominant behaviour.

The boss only started last February and as soon as she arrived was telling us that she was here to stay and if we didn't like her way of managing then we knew where the door was [V]

That has been her general attitude all along and it really puts you off going to work, isn't a nice place to be at all.

She has also stopped the smokers having a fag until 1.15, after dinner service. I know smoking is bad, I know I shouldn't do it BUT I DO!

I now have to go 5 hours without a fag and if you have ever had an addicition, you will know how crap it makes you feel to abstain!

She just makes the working atmosphere so bad. I could laugh about it when my mate was there, but now it's just horrible.

Anyway, back to the point. I was offered a job with a friend of my mates who runs her own cleaning company. Twenty hours a week, £5 per hour, 9am - 1pm , cleaning private houses.

Not exactly the type of job that I'm aiming for, but it would have got me away from the Hitler type regime in the school kitchen

But, I can't have the holidays off with my daughter, only 20 days a year.

I know she is nearly 13 but she has taken to following me around constantly, asking for reassurance and needing me to be there. There is no way she could cope on her own during the holidays at the moment.

So, I had to turn the job down and it's back to the kitchen next Tuesday, without my mate, and without a fag for 5 hours :(

In addition, Hannahs behaviour has worstened towards myself.

She runs me down constantly, wont do as she is told and generally makes me feel very, very low.

We popped to Asda today and she was critisising my driving, my choice of clothes that I was looking at, moaning on that she wanted to go to the chippy on the way home and I just broke down.

How embarassing, crying while wandering round Asda [:I]

Hannah kept saying stop crying, she looked dead shocked that I was so upset. But I couldn't stop. I think I have kept this brave face on for too long.

I need help, I can't deal with it on my own. I can't pretend to be bloody happy mom so as not to upset Hannah any further. I can't carry on in a job that causes me so much stress. It's a school canteen for heavens sake, not anything that should be so stress provoking.

I'm definately not depressed. We had a lovely christmas though Hannah was no better. What I am is anxious and stressed and not looking forward to going back to a job that I like, but people who I dislike LOADS.

Anyway, rant over [:I]

Kate

[nomorepanic]

Kate

It probably did you good to have a cry today and perhaps Hannah will realise that you are hurting at the moment as well. She may not have realised that she is upsetting you so much and saying things that hurt you.

It is a shame about the job as well. I can sympathise cos I am now alone at work after they shipped Nick and Kev out and it is not the same without them. Looks like I may not have a job there in 5 months time either.

It doesn't matter what the job is, we all still need to feel valued there and want it to be a pleasant place to work.

With regard to the smoking issue, do you get a break in the 5 hours cos I am sure they have to legally give you one and therefore you can go for a fag if you want to.[:O] That is just being unreasonable I think.

I hope things pick up for you soon and you feel a bit better. Let's hope that things get worked out with Hannah and she starts to think of you in all of this as well.

Big hug mate and catch you online later maybe.[:P]

xxx

Nicola

[kate]

Hi Nic,

Thanks very much for the reply.

I actually work 5 1/2 hours per day, and legally a break doesn't have to be given unless you work 6 hours per day [:O]

But, working in a kitchen, you are literally on your feet for the entire day and I can honestly say that you work for the whole of the time you are there. If you happen to stop for a chat for 5 minutes, someone is on your back asking if you are looking for something to do [V]

Anyway, when I first started at the kitchen, the then boss allowed the smokers to go for a fag during the working day as long as this was not abused. I used to go outside for half a fag about 10.30 and another half about 12.30. All in all about 6 or 7 mins away from work.

When the new boss started, she stopped this and said that you could have a fag at 12 oclock, which she has now changed to 1.15.

This arrangement is, of course, fine if you dont come into work until 11 oclock, we all have different hours at work depending on what job we do.

But, I have to go 5 hours and I just find it so hard! I know it's a bad habit and that I shouldn't smoke but I do. You have to know the boss to realise what its like working for her. This smoking rule just makes a crap working environment even more unbearable.

To a non smoker, this would not seem to be a problem, but to a smoker it IS :(

As you said it is really hard when people you have liked to work with, move on. My mate has seen me through so much over the last 2 1/2 years. There is no one else there that I can talk to in the same way. I just don't want to go back there on Tuesday and I know that, unless this boss leaves, I will have to leave myself and get a job elsewhere.

As I previously explained, I will have to get another school job in view of how Hannah is at the moment. This I suppose will mean another kitchen job as I haven't yet got my qualification for office work, the course doesn't finish until next July.

You try not to let it all pull you down, but it does. My own anxiety, now Hannah's problems, the Hitler type boss, it all contributes to making you feel low.

But, luckily, it hasn't all resulted in the depression coming back, so although I am feeling fed up, I'm still able to think positively and hope that improvements will be forthcoming in all area in the near future.

Thanks Nic for you continued support. You never fail to ask me about how Hannah and myself are doing and I really appreciate your help. Thanks very much.

Lots of love

Kate xxx

[nomorepanic]

Kate

That is a shame about the 6 hours working rule. I thought it would be less than that cos I only work 7.5 hours a day anyway.

Why don't you hang on till you get the qualifications in July and then see how you feel. I bet you would miss all those long holidays if you were not working at a school lol.

Thanks for you support too - you have been a good friend over the last year and I hope we can continue to support each other next year too.

Happy New Year mate!

xx

Nicola

[kate]

Cheers mate!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and Alex!

Great party in chat last night LOL

Speak to you later

Lots of love Kate xxx

[nomorepanic]

Happy New Year mate.

Yes it was fun last night - I had a great time and the quiz was fun.

I think everyone enjoyed it.

I have the hangover from hell today though[:O]

Nicola