Why?

[looking4answers]

Why when you are improving so much and learning to live with things that you thought you never could you start feeling weirder again.For the last several weeks I have been doing so well and learned to pretty much ignore the continued symptoms that I have.. I keep hearing my nurse friend in my head say.."there is absolutely nothing wrong with you "

Ok..there is nothing wrong with me..Why then does my eyes go nuts and start hurting and being blurry and then waking so anxiously and hearing that terrible pounding AGAIN .. that you normally wake with so subtle but understand its not going away.

I have been checked and there are others Im around that are medical professionals that seem to think the things im experiencing are annoying but not life threatening...Why then does things get worse when you keep trying to do more and ignore the things that most people would run to a doctor for over and over..

This heart beat i have learned to accept its never going away but today I woke with such anxious dreams I couldnt go back to sleep ..I also heard a pounding and pounding in my head as someone was just punching and punching me..I had slept on my right side..Why is it all coming back?

Im doing things I haven't done in almost over a year ..yet my mind keeps wanting to slip back into thinking again there is something wrong..I ignore it and keep going and well do things that are physically mind boggling like unloading and loading 700 pounds of grain the other day..

I didnt even get winded but on another day Ill walk out and feed the horses which amounts to just scooping grain out and then pouring it in their traugh and ill come in breathing hard..I don't understand.We are at an altitude of over a mile and one half above sea level.I have heard that on days where the humidity is high your breathing is more dificult and on other days when its low its more normal.I just want to be me again.

My mental state feels as though its deteorating..I am not sure this is depression or just a temporary feeling of set back.I have been really feeling more normal than ever lately but today I feel like im right back where I started from wondering if im going to die..wondering if there is something wrong with me and just overall depressed about everything.

Its like someone let the wind out of my sails ..or deflated a balloon..i just don't know why this keeps happening when things have seem to be so much better lately..Why why why is it still happening.I have fought the fear and the worry and been winning lately ..Why oh why is it happening again.Could the pounding i hear in my head been a bad artery and is causeing my thoughts not to be correct?Or is it just a regression back to worry and just feeling odd?

Why

[Jaco45er]

Hi Chap

Sorry to hear things are a little rough at the moment.

I am not totally convinced ignoring thoughts and feelings is the best way to deal with anxiety.

I take a CBT type approach (even though I have never actually had CBT, only read about it). For instance, if I get a skipped beat, or pounding rush of anxiety, I would start to think "oh no, surely this is a heart condition? please please no I will spend the rest of my life dragging myself around this wee planet in fear of dropping dead". Now, if I let that thought take hold, my day is ruined.

So, I now take the approach, hey hang on a minute, how many times Stevie boy? how many Docs said I was physically fine? So the evindence would suggest that wee devil anxiety is trying to fool me again.

Its funny how our heart's seems to start beating fast when we don't put demands on them, but when we do (i.e. the gym or shifting 700lbs of grain) it does the job without issue.

I often think of anxiety as like a mental prison. We get so wrapped up in how we feel, we cannot believe we can do normal things in life. And we get all dis-heartened when those around us seem to breeze through everyday life happily, and without the ball and chain we carry around.

That said, I am positive it can be overcome, not that I have fully yet, but I have improved.

You may of heard of Claire Weekes? if not, she wrote good books on anxiety, and they all are based on the thoughts behind the feelings. As any mental professional will tell you, how we feel usually starts with how we think.

I hope the temporary cloud lifts soon mate.

TC

Jaco