Constant struggle to fight anxiety

[southernstar66]

Hi all, I havent been on the forum for a while. I was first diagnosed with anxiety when I 19 (over 20 years ago) and underwent initially treatment with anti-depressants, beta-blockers together with CBT and things seemed to settle down although there have always been ups and downs where it has come back with avengance but I have won through and battled on and it has passed. I have been under a lot of pressure recently with so much different stress to manage - work, home and family problems all at once. I thought I was coping really well and managed to get through in my mind fighting the anxiety and by pushing myself to keep going regardless of feeling panicky as I would get through each day and not give in to it. However I am finding the daily chore of trying to get through it to be wearing me down. I feel that after all these years of having anxiety and panic disorder that I should be able to deal with it without resorting to going back to my GP and back on meds again. I have not taken anti-depressants for over 2 years and only have beta-blockers and occasional use of Lorazepam when anxiety is really bad. I hardly ever use that and I have been coping with strategies I have adopted like trying to exercise more, finding time to relax etc. However I just feel now that I am beat... the thought of another week of pushing myself to get through each day only to find the next day to be the same old struggle. I thought that the panic would start to diminish and I supposed to some extent it has as I try and scale it and it does go down but the constant struggle seems to be making me feel down and I wonder if I should now just give in and go and seek help from my GP? I wish I could beat this.

[Ellen70]

Hi Star, to start off, you are doing fantastically well to have kept going against the anxiety for so long.

I have had anxiety for 20 years and one of the mistakes I used to make was to keep pushing myself and pushing myself against the agoraphobia and anxiety until I was utterly worn down and exhausted. This culminated in me having several nervous breakdowns and being hospitalised and losing any progress I had made.

I would suggest that you keep a strict eye on how hard you are pushing yourself agaiinst the anxiety and when you feel that you are going to increase your level of stress by continuing to push, I would say to sit back, take a rest, recharge your batteries and allow yourself some self compassion and understanding.

Yes you have to push against anxiety, panic and agoraphobia (and depression too) but you have to realise the point where the fighting it is making you worse, not better.

I have had a really, really unbearable time with anxiety over the last few months and I am taking a 'break' from the 'fight' and that includes using some benzos and being more gentle with myself. It is very easy to become your own worst enemy without realising it.

Anxiety has to be challenged but over long periods of time of 'challenging' it you can deplete your strength and end up weak and fatigued. So maybe fight it for five days a week and give yourself two days off or something like that.

Try and control your self criticism too (we all do it).

What you don't want is to bring yourself to the stage where hosptilisation or a nervous breakdown is going to be the outcome of all the pushing against the anxiety.

Say STOP before this happens and give yourself a break and some tlc.

Sorry for rambling on for so long but I don't want you to end up in a psy hospital (horrible places, been in them many times) or end up worse than you started out.

This is not a sign of weakness to give yourself a break, it is just plain good sense.

Do go to your doctor and tell him/her how hard you have been fighting. Meds are nothing to be ashamed off, it took me 15 years to realise thai i have to stay on anti depressants and wouldn't it be much worse if there were no meds to help us through the bad times?

Go your gp or to a psychiatrist and get some help.

Hope you feel a little better soon.

Regards

Eibhlin

[clickaway]

Not sure what you mean by "fight" and "struggle", but I think the key word worth adopting is "accept". I am saying this because this is what my therapist advises, but it's really hard to go along with acceptance when you are in the thick of it.

He says that if I resign myself to this, it will help. Constant focus on the pain, the anguish and suffering does us no good at all. Again, easier said than done, but I feel it is good advice.

I have avoided anti-depressants for 3 years, but am going on them in a few days.

How much are you able to escape from thinking about anxiety in your life? Are you able to get out on socials etc. to distract?

Take Care

[southernstar66]

Thank you so much for your helpful advice. There are lots of things you have said which are veryt true. I think that I do need to give myself time off as well as pushing myself. I tend to push myself to attend things at work as I feel that if I start avoiding meetings/visits which can be stressful for me I will find it harder to get back into this. I have some benzos which the doctor gave me for periods of acute anxiety and I have started just to use the minutest amount of them to assist. Believe it or not I get anxious that I will be addicted to them!! As soon as the edge is taken off the anxiety I feel everything is so much more manageable. I looked through the website self help last night and decided it is time to give myself some time off and tlc as well as getting through the harder days. I have cancelled some not urgent things that I can easily get out of to give myself some space. I think I am just really exhausted from constantly feeling anxious. I've got a list of vitamins to get as well as planning some time to go to the gym and yoga as well - if I could avoid going back on anti-depressants I would like to but I accept that if I need to I will. I think I need to accept that this will just come and go at different times in my life and I am not failing when it does - I am so self critical.
Thanks again.