Noise and looking for it....

[Dharmasponge]

Hi,

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. We have neighbours that, to be frank are not that much of a problem. Just irritating Putting recycling out at 11pm, hoovering at 9am on a Sunday morning etc.. they also have two jack Russell dogs that back at anything and everything. You get the picture.

Another neighbour recently had a BBQ and it ended up being a huge drinking session for them. Loud, raunchy and the language was disgusting.

The BBQ thing we've let go. They're renting and have a new baby and we're hoping it was a one off. If not we'll complain to the letting agency who they're renting from.

However, I am finding myself looking out for noises, noises that may not even be there. When I do see or hear something​ I am then feeling really uneasy. I am starting to feel anxious in my own home now and cannot relax.

To top all this the irritating neighbours have bought their grandson a trampoline!! Joy of joys...the noise out of that thing is awful. Thankfully it never lastsong as the poor little kid (about 8yo) is so full of rubbish food he gets out of breath after about 10mins.

How on earth can I stop this inappropriate focusing and being over vigilant.

Thanks in advance!!

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[akb]

Hi there

Just to say I have exactly the same problem as you, and I believe its quite common. Noise is an intrusion into our privacy. Fear of noise for those of us with anxiety disorders then becomes a kind of phobia.

Liking the people causing the noise is one way of alleviating the fear, but not always that easy.

Like all anxiety problems, I believe that acceptance through mindfulness practice and living in the moment is the best way through it. Noisd like most things is only temporary and wont kill us.

I will be interested in hearing what solutions others may suggest.

[Dharmasponge]

Thanks, yes there must be some tools and methods to manage this - it's so silly but equally happens so quickly!

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[Catherine S]

You've worked out for yourself that you've become over-sensitized to these various noises. They're largely out of your control and this creates stress. You then become much more tuned in to noises you would ordinarily ignore. Noisy neighbours can be detrimental to people who are jumpy anyway, and if you just want a quiet life.

As you say, it may only occasionally during the summer months that these parties occur so it's not something that's happening every week...hopefully for you. As for the other noises, emptying bins, children playing, dogs barking etc, unfortunately it's just people living their lives and not much you can do. But if it does start to become really unbearable, give your local environmental health dept a call and have a chat to them. There are alot of people out there who just don't consider their neighbours at all, or don't care. However, there are equally people who cannot tolerate the slightest noise and complain alot. Most of us fall somewhere in between.

As for advising you on how to cope with it, it's a difficult one. We all react differently to things like this. I'm not unsympathetic though because our neighbour leaves his dog tethered to a metal ring on the wall of his apartment and it barks incessantly at anybody walking past his garden.

Last summer it was outside until midnight most nights so we complained to the landlady who said she'd sort it, and the dog disappeared, but it's now started happening again now the winter's over. I feel sorry for the poor dog. He gets one walk a day up the street and back and then he's tied to the ring again for the rest of the day. If it carries on the landlady, who is also our landlady, will be getting another call. She's supposed to have a 'no pets' rule, but apparently they just moved in with the dog without her knowing.

I hope you get some resolution for your peace of mind.

ISB ☺ x

[Dharmasponge]

Thanks. I guess the problem is that I/we can't intellectualise our way out of this. We know it's not unreasonable to expect a little noise. It's also true that I am aware of the futility of expecting change from outside. It's effecting change from within I know I need to do.

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[Bigboyuk]

I think a little leverage is required here, but saying that just go round nicely, not worked up when it's died down and have gentle word with them, then leave it at that, if it continues then look at the possible routes to take like contacting the letting agent and or the council noise abatement dept Keep us informed on any developments Cheers

[Dharmasponge]

The party chap is the least of the issue ATM. I can handle him if the necessity arises. He was after all out of line. It's the smaller less significant noises (like the harmless family) I am more concerned about addressing. That's what generates most anxiety. They're not doing (much) wrong and my response is disproportionate.

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[akb]

Hi Dharma

The way to desensitization may lie in exposure therapy, although I can't say its worked for me.

For example, offering to take a neighbours barking dog for s nightly walk, so that you become friends with both sources of the noise.

I've moved apartment twice because of noisy neighbors, in both cases children being allowed to run amok. I use earplugs at night which help with sleep.

I wish there was an easy answer to our problem. Running away only helps in the short term.

[zummerset]

This is really interesting as I too experience this - can anyone offer a way out of this as its spoiling my weekends and I have noticed that I have started to DREAD the summer months

[akb]

Hi Zummerset

there are a lot of us with this problem.

what doesnt work is trying to use our logical mind to convince ourselves its irrational, which of course it is

living in dread of the next barrage of noise is worse than the noise itself

would be great if someone had some helpful ideas

akb