Discussing Some Topics

[Rick(amateur)]

-Instinct 4-

In the last entry, I basically described a situation I see if we rely solely on logic during our decision making. To make our dreams come true, we must stand out and be different. Being the social animals we are and believing that numbers represent strength, our logic clearly indicates that being different is unfavorable in various situations and therefore we never take the first step needed to start on the path of making our dreams a reality.

Therefore, we need instinct or, more specifically, the desire aspect of instinct. Our desires are things that we want and we are often willing to sacrifice a lot for it. It's true that desires make us do terrible things sometimes but logic isn't exactly innocent either. Both desires and logic, if pushed to the extremes, can make people do terrible things so people agree the extremes can be very dangerous.

For desires, I want to use an example of a young person who has recently gotten his or her driver's license. This person wants a second hand car and, after talking to parents, he or she got into an agreement with the father who is willing to pay half the cost. This person could then find a job and work enough hours to save up enough money. Let's say the job opportunities are few at the moment and a job was found relatively quickly.

After a month, the person found the job conditions pretty awful. The management cares little about its employees and, whenever something goes wrong, this person is blamed regardless of the truth. Our logical mind most likely tells us to ditch the job since this suffering isn't worth it for the car. It tells us that we can always find another job. The other jobs proved to be no better and logic eventually convinces the person that the car can wait until later.

With desire, the person won't say no to the car so he or she keeps tolerating the work environment until the money is made. Then, he or she can leave the job for good and gets the car. In addition, the person learns perseverance since lots of things in life won't go our way. Most of us won't find our ideal jobs early on and have to work in poor work conditions. Without perseverance, we won't ever stay at a job long enough to gain experience to ensure better job opportunities.

Logic sadly tells us to go the easy way out. It's convincing us that no pain is worth it and, with stories of people getting lucky breaks, logic persuades us that this can happen to us as well. At least, the odds of lucky break is higher than pursuing a seemingly impossible dream. This is why logic isn't ideal for all situations and desires can be such a powerful driving force if we are just too stubborn to say no to our dreams!

[Rick(amateur)]

-Instinct 5-

The desire factor of our instinct can get us to do things other people fear. By trying new things, we learn and, by learning, we improve until we become the person we always wanted. It's true that some people have better instincts than other people. They can differentiate the desires they need and desires they want so their decisions would result in better outcomes.

If our instincts aren't correct, we might even make terrible mistakes but, as I discussed in the past, mistakes aren't bad things. We cannot grow if we don't learn from mistakes and this is made impossible if we live so safely we avoid mistakes at all costs. Making mistakes also help sharpen our instincts so our judgement improves. In our current society, we can afford mistakes and nothing teaches us faster than experience itself.

For example, a person might invest all his money into stocks because he wanted to get rich quickly. He heard from others how this stock has a bright future ahead so, without thinking much, he invested everything. When the stock does very poorly, the person loses all his money and might become homeless. This lesson might actually teach him the meaning of never putting all the eggs into one basket, a lesson that couldn't really be taught until he experienced firsthand the losses.

Do note that going homeless doesn't mean his life ends. In the past, this could end poorly as the wilderness is very unforgiving. Yet, some of our most successful people had experienced some sort of homelessness in their lives. The mistakes we make now often change our lives dramatically but we still have opportunities to claw back up and reach newer heights as a result.

In life, no one can teach us how to find a balance between instinct and logic. Logic alone won't get us far and instincts take time to be fully developed. Only through making mistakes can we learn and develop our instincts. People believe that instinct is too outdated but the truth is instinct is equally valuable to us since it's a part of what makes us humans.

I like to see instinct and logic as tools available in our 'life' toolbox. For those working with tools long enough, they know which tool to use for what situation. What we try to achieve in life is knowing our 'life' toolbox so well that we can pick with ease the best tool for the situation. The most successful people have made so many mistakes that they know the best time to use instinct and the best time to use logic without hesitation just as experienced mechanics can select their tools without a second glance.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Role Models-

Role models can be very important in shaping us. When we are young, we need guidance during our development into adults and advice to help us with our decision making. What role models usually have in common is their success in the eyes of those looking up to them. They don't have to be celebrities but, if they achieve a success we are in awe of, we will look up to them. Of course, role models, like everything else in life, have pros and cons.

Let's say someone really loves a certain sport and sees a professional athlete in the same sport as a role model. The role model can be powerful inspiration since this person strives to be just like the athlete. This could be the drive to get the person working hard in pursuing their dreams. This is more powerful than simply watching motivational videos where we listen to people from so many different fields.

If you strive to be a singer and you listen to the talk of a successful entrepreneur, the talk might be less powerful than that came from a professional singer. In this case, it's very unlikely the person would see the entrepreneur as a role model. Therefore, it's rather important when it comes to picking our role models but role models also have a duty when it comes to what they share.

We all encountered situations where a professional athlete wins a championship for the first time and shares his/her thoughts. What this person talks about can change or destroy dreams. If the person shares the training he/she went through to get to the point, he/she is helping the younger generation by showing them all the hard work behind the scenes that went into this victory. Young people must understand that even these role models didn't get to their position without hard work and dedication.

The opposite effect can happen if the athlete thanks his/her loved ones and explained the teamwork leading up to that championship victory. There's nothing wrong here except it gives the wrong impression on the young people. If success wasn't found, the young people might make excuses like they lacked family members who supported them and their team wasn't good enough dragging the person down. This could see the person quitting altogether with all these excuses and possibly the idea he/she isn't good enough.

Role models can be powerful figures but they must be aware of what they should share to help inspire the newer generations. If they don't explain the hard work they had to do like working twice or thrice as hard as others, then they don't paint the complete picture resulting in those looking up to them to only see the fame and money that success brings them.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Role Model 2-

Last entry I discussed how role models can be very powerful and inspiring if they talked about the difficulties they encountered in their journey to success. Of course, they can also create a false image if they fail to mention this resulting in the opposite effect of making young people give up their dreams. This entry, I want to discuss role models who are using bad behaviors to their advantage.

For many young generations nowadays, they are struggling more with loneliness due to the introduction of the phones and other things technology offered us. They can text friends and use social media like Twitter and Facebook. The issue here is the lack of contact with an actual person. Sure, we can communicate with other people online and see the likes or replies but these can never replace the face to face talk.

Our world is changing very rapidly and problems will arise with the introduction of new technology. As our younger generations make full use of what's becoming a norm, they are also putting themselves more at risk with these empty relationships in life. To fight the loneliness that eating them from inside, they try to get attention, fit in and have people say nice things or like their comments online.

With the desire of getting more attention, they'd naturally turn their attention towards role models who are famous. There are good role models but there are also bad ones. Some of the bad ones might take drugs, commit crimes or do other bad behavior. Yet, their status allow them to get more attention, more famous and more rich. This is not the image we want the younger generation to see.

For our youngsters, copying the role models could put their lives into a downward spiral. They could go to jail or their lives might be ruined by becoming drug addicts. They don't understand that these things have consequences since their role models do it. That's why it's critical that we have more good role models so younger generations won't be mislead and have regrets for the rest of their lives.

The false image painted by role models who don't mention difficulties merely done so by oversight. Yet, some role models thrive on making the front page and would do anything regardless of the price they must pay. Our younger generations might not always know who is a good role model and it's up to us adults to help guide them and show them the way to a brighter future!

[Rick(amateur)]

-Role Model 3-

Last two entries, I was talking about role models who are famous. Those who are professional athletes or show up on the front page of newspaper and magazines. Yet, we mustn't overlook the role models who are very close to us and are generally very ordinary. Our parents are exactly those role models and their influence over our lives cannot be underestimated.

Our parents are the people we interact the most before we go to school. We are the most malleable then because we are just discovering the world and ask lots of questions. Our parents are those who shape our views and our personality through the actions they do and the words they say. We all know the saying monkey see, monkey do. We were monkeys then and like to copy our parents.

Because parents play such a critical role so early in our development, they serve as role models who can effectively make us who we become for years to come. Let's say parents who are alcoholics or drug addicts. Their kids would assume this is the norm in their world and do what their parents do. After all, who else can tell them what's right and what's wrong when they mostly spend their childhood with these parents?

What is equally cruel than the example above is single parents. Single parents have it tough raising their kids but most kids cannot develop properly if they lack a mother or a father. They need both role models to teach them how to interact with the same and opposite gender. Lacking one and they lean too far to one end which often gives them a more extreme view of the world. Like everything else in life, there needs to be a balance when it comes to families.

Good parents can do the exact opposite where they raise children with stronger self-esteem and greater confidence. They teach their kids how to think and not what to think. In addition, they let their children follow their dreams and, if that doesn't pan out, they make it known that the children can return home to where they will always belong. These are naturally tough because parenting is something we learn from experience and no amount of books can explain to us how to deal with each unique case.

To those parents out there, I know you have it tough with your responsibilities and burdens. Life might have never been kind to you but know that you are the critical factor to the early development of your children. You are their role models when they need guidance the most and your actions have far greater impact than you can imagine. How you raise your children will ultimately see how they fare in this relatively unforgiving world of ours!

[GaryP]

Hi All,

I really need some advice if possible. I didn't want to open another thread. I am going on holiday this Monday and there's a few things I can't get off my mind. I am going through a bad period, where relaxing is very difficult, I'm sleeping all day, if I can sleep. Normally I get nervous before my holidays but I'm usually excited as well. I'm just not sure how I'm going to be able to cope while travelling. I am having panic sometimes when I try and sleep, threrefore worried my holiday will be ruined by this. I am finding it hard to relax, and the thought of going on a plane is scary, because I'm worried about feeling anxious. The thing is, i love planes, love going on holiday for the food, and have been on 5 holidays abroad since I was aware of my anxiety. Each time I had sleeping tablets with me, this time I have sleeping tablets with me, however just less than usual.

My doctor doesn't usually give me diazpeam, but my mother gave me 3, so I plan to take one on the plane in the hope it will give me slight relief, therefore I can focus on just enjoying the plane. I've travelled to many places with zero sleep, getting up at 4 am to go, and survived, yet at the moment, things seem harder to control. Quite simply, normally I worry about going, but I am positive that once I'm there, I will relax. However this time, I am signed off work, struggling worse, and concerned I will not be in a good place the whole holiday. I am panicking over sleep, sometimes it affects me, but been trying not to care, as eventually I will sleep. The holiday destination has everything I love. Supermarkets for any food i want, food every night that is better than what I eat at home, sun, a nice pool I can jump in if I am too warm, nice balcony, and finally, at night time I love walking and seeing different places. I'm not feeling any positive thoughts towards these now, which is making it tough.

Any tips on how to rationalise everything, and how not to react to such worries? I've saved a lot to go, paid a lot to go, and it just sucks that I am not focused positively on the fact, I'll be away home, in a more relaxing setting. I hate where I live, and being off work, I've hated it more.

[Rick(amateur)]

Hi All,

I really need some advice if possible. I didn't want to open another thread. I am going on holiday this Monday and there's a few things I can't get off my mind. I am going through a bad period, where relaxing is very difficult, I'm sleeping all day, if I can sleep. Normally I get nervous before my holidays but I'm usually excited as well. I'm just not sure how I'm going to be able to cope while travelling. I am having panic sometimes when I try and sleep, threrefore worried my holiday will be ruined by this. I am finding it hard to relax, and the thought of going on a plane is scary, because I'm worried about feeling anxious. The thing is, i love planes, love going on holiday for the food, and have been on 5 holidays abroad since I was aware of my anxiety. Each time I had sleeping tablets with me, this time I have sleeping tablets with me, however just less than usual.

My doctor doesn't usually give me diazpeam, but my mother gave me 3, so I plan to take one on the plane in the hope it will give me slight relief, therefore I can focus on just enjoying the plane. I've travelled to many places with zero sleep, getting up at 4 am to go, and survived, yet at the moment, things seem harder to control. Quite simply, normally I worry about going, but I am positive that once I'm there, I will relax. However this time, I am signed off work, struggling worse, and concerned I will not be in a good place the whole holiday. I am panicking over sleep, sometimes it affects me, but been trying not to care, as eventually I will sleep. The holiday destination has everything I love. Supermarkets for any food i want, food every night that is better than what I eat at home, sun, a nice pool I can jump in if I am too warm, nice balcony, and finally, at night time I love walking and seeing different places. I'm not feeling any positive thoughts towards these now, which is making it tough.

Any tips on how to rationalise everything, and how not to react to such worries? I've saved a lot to go, paid a lot to go, and it just sucks that I am not focused positively on the fact, I'll be away home, in a more relaxing setting. I hate where I live, and being off work, I've hated it more.

Hi Gary! If you want to rationalise, I suggest you start a list or a journal. You say you are anxious but you are vague why you are feeling this way. When we are vague, it's hard for us to pinpoint why we are feeling this way. You mentioned that you feel you will love this place and negative thoughts is clouding your mind. I find negative thoughts usually come in the forms of what ifs like what if I get sick or what if the plane gets delayed and my vacation is cut shorter. These what ifs might have causes that you want to tackle so they won't spring up again.

Sometimes, a few distractions can also help because, when anxious, our mind tend to wander. Maybe making a detailed list of things you want to do and things you want to see. Do research on where you're going and, if you have done so, do it a second time. A busy mind can keep the worries away and maybe you'll find things that makes you excited. Imagine having a good time might work as well. If there's a certain place you really look forward to or a certain thing you want to do, imagine how it would work out. Visualize the ideal scenario and write it down. If you get worried, read it over and over until that's all that's in your mind.

As for hating where you live, I guess you might be considering a change of scenery but something is rooting you there. If you aren't happy where you live, moving might be the optimal choice as you need an environment to fend off worries while you figure out what to do next. It's quite difficult making important decisions when we are worried all the time.

These are the best suggestions I can think of and I hope the best with your trip!

---------- Post added at 19:52 ---------- Previous post was at 19:51 ----------

-Role Model 4-

Even if we have great role models, we must keep one thing in mind. We are all unique with our own sets of strengths and weaknesses. No two people are the same and we should accept that knowing that our uniqueness could mean greatness. Yet, we risk the same trap we'd face if we were too busy pleasing others or meeting other people's expectations. We mustn't become somebody we're not and regret it later in life as we notice too late that our life was actually empty.

When we strive to be like our role models, we run the risks of trying to be just like them. For a professional athlete, we might want to join the same team and have similar feats. It's true that we have role models to help guide us in the path ahead of us. There's a lot of uncertainty and, for the younger generation, they need some help getting their bearings in a world filled with so many opportunities. In a world where technology is changing so rapidly, it can be tough adapting to a society that is never the same every year.

It's true that we can only truly learn through experience but role models help give us a dream. They are what we want to become eventually, though we should remain unique ourselves. None of our paths can ever be the same. We start in a different environment, encounter different people along the way and can still end up at a similar destination. This is what makes our lives so incredible. We can take so many different paths to reach a similar dream and the path is unique to only us. Yet, this dream can never be possible without us having a role model who has already reached the success we want for ourselves one day.

When we reached our dreams, the path we took changes who we are. We might be a completely different person than that at the start of the journey since experiences and people we encounter will shape us. This is why it's so vital to pick good role models. They don't necessarily make the journey easier but they help us get start earlier. We have so much fear regarding the uncertainty that we doubt ourselves. The role models show what's possible and that's a confirmation we need to do what we originally saw as impossible in ourselves. Even better, some role models show that the impossible can be possible too.

Role models are a start and they might stay us for the rest of our journey. Yet, they aren't the destination we should strive for because they don't know who we are and what we must overcome to reach the dream. We can listen to their story and study what happened in their lives. Yet, none of those events will happen to us and even similar ones might not happen at roughly the same time or order. We still have to travel the rest of the journey on our own strength and no one, not even our role models, can be there to get us through the challenges.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Decisions-

Our lives are made up of the decisions we make. Therefore, decisions involve big things that shape and change our lives. We never say we made a big decision of having Chinese food for lunch today. It's usually relatively big things like going on a diet, overcoming a fear or going to a foreign country to study. These decisions will have large impact over our lives if we go through with them so we cannot take them lightly.

One of the problems we face today is decisions for the younger generation. We see young people like kids and teens who have no control over the direction of their lives. Many of their parents want to make every single decision like what school they should attend, what activities they should do after school and other decisions that will affect their future in a big way.

The main argument of the parents is usually the fact that their children are too young to know. It's true that kids and teens are inexperienced with life as they haven't seen enough. They aren't as well informed and are more prone to making bad decisions. Yet, this, along with other arguments, isn't good enough reason to take away the power to decide from these young people.

First, these young people, when life doesn't go their way, will blame their parents who controlled their lives. They didn't get to make any decisions and they suddenly had excuses as to why they are failing. Excuses help no one but, if decision making was indeed out of their hands, they cannot really take responsibilities in what happened. However, they cannot be excused if they do nothing afterwards to change the situations to something more favorable.

Secondly, decision making is a skill we learn and, through experience, master. We don't know how to do it immediately so, when the decisions are made for us when we were young, we lack this skill. It's essentially like parents who cook for their kids and a day comes when the kids must cook for themselves. As we can all imagine, it will be a huge disaster. Unable to cook won't necessarily have enormous impact. Unable to make key decisions in life is a whole different matter however.

For parents, they must learn that they cannot walk the entire path called life for their kids. Somewhere along the way, they must let their kids walk their own path. It's true some decisions like what school might be harder for them to understand. That's why starting small is always a better alternative. Let the kids decide what they want to do for hobbies. As they gain experience in decision making, they will eventually be ready to make the bigger ones since they learn the steps needed to make up their minds.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Decisions 2-

In our lives, we'll make the good and poor decisions. There's no way of avoiding the poor decisions because the only way for us to improve the skill is through experience. It's true we will stumble along the way but we will become stronger if we learned why we stumbled and don't make the same mistakes a second or third time. Poor decisions, however, can be a double edged sword.

Poor decisions can teach us what not to do the next time. It shows us what doesn't work so we can change our approach the next time and achieve a better result. Yet, it can also paralyze us by clouding our judgement because we felt too much pain or suffering. The negative emotions like sadness, anger and helplessness tend to linger longer than the positive emotions. As a result, we get reminded regularly whenever we make poor decisions, especially those with large impact on our lives.

I like to use the example of marriage. Let's say I met a woman who I thought was perfect. I saw this person as my other half and she believed the same. We got married a month later and, a year later, we had our first children. Then, things went downhill as we got into fight regularly since we possess flaws the other person couldn't tolerate. I might also be struggling financial with the birth of the child so my temper is getting worse. Things got so bad that we got divorced.

Divorce brings a lot of emotions in our lives. I'd likely feel emptiness in losing both a wife and a child who's most likely been given custody to the mother. I'm also financially worse with the divorce. At this point in life, I could easily develop a view where I oppose anymore serious relationships from that point. Whenever I had decisions regarding relationship, I'll also decide on the option opposing it regardless if it's good or not. This might see me truly miss out on the woman who I needed in my life.

The negative emotions and pain can cloud our judgement. It's true we must learn from our past but, when making serious decisions, we must give all the options a fair overview. Whenever we jump to a certain conclusion without thought, we are hurting ourselves by denying things and people that could change our live positively in a big way. Poor decisions should make us wiser, not more impulsive on certain matters.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Decisions 3-

In the last entry, I talked about how negative emotions and pain can cloud our judgement. To avoid these happening again, we choose to run away. If we ever have to make a decision similar to the one that brought us suffering, we choose to avoid it altogether. After all, no one likes getting hurt and it's seen from a simple example of us staying away from a hot stove after getting burned once.

Still, we must learn from our past experiences and the poor decisions usually teach us the best life lessons we need to get ahead. We should be learning these lessons so, next time we take a similar route, we know what to avoid. When we avoid these opportunities altogether, we might regret later on when we learned someone else found success taking a path we wanted but was too afraid to tread.

Let's use the example I used last entry where I met this perfect woman and got married after a month. For this scenario, a month is way too short. We didn't know each other well enough and marriage is a long-term commitment, something the two of us failed to realize until a kid was given birth and cracks showed in the marriage. I was quite likely to be worse off financially which might see me oppose relationships altogether.

I shouldn't let this experience stop me from starting a family that will remain intact for decades. I probably would have realized that one month of dating is too soon. A few years would be a better alternative as we learn more about each other. We have strengths and weaknesses and it's usually the weaknesses we must tolerate to keep the divorce at bay. By learning this important lesson, my odds of another failed marriage would drop drastically, though there's still risk as life is still unpredictable.

This is the case for everything in life. We must dig deeper than the surface to uncover what went wrong. A failed business might have us look at our cash flow and business plan. Failing a course might have us look at our routines, habits and our attitude towards learning. When we can dig deeper and find out the real reasons as to why the unfavorable outcome happened, we become better suited to tackle future challenges. That's how we learn in life and how we can strive to reach the stars!