Belonging.

[Barry boy]

In my 28 years on this earth, I've never really felt like I've belonged, I've always been the outcast, the rejected one. I've never been part of any scene, I've never been important. The 'weird' one if you will.

I feel like everyone else has been, or if they've had similar feelings, they've been fortunate to give the illusion that they don't, and by fortunate, I mean fortunate in my point of view.

At this point, I feel like that ship has sailed. Anxiety and depression have truly robbed me of this.

Really wish I could give some positive advice, unfortunately I can relate to a lot of what you say.

The last couple of years have been very hard, I've been dealt some quite harsh home truths about were I'm at right now in my life.

I wouldn't describe myself as an outcast as such, but my whole life I have struggled to form genuine relationships, most probably because of depression and my unhealthy ways of coping with depression.

I'm at the stage now were I can't be bothered to make an effort, It feels kinda good in a way because I feel the pressure is off now.

Hopefully I'll get in a more positive state of mind soon and start making an effort again. All the self help books I've accumulated over the years have gone in the bin though, I certainly won't be buying anymore.
Actually I'm developing a "not giving a shit attitude" which feels good

Sometimes we just need a bit of luck, sometimes we just need good things to happen. You're still young at 28, plenty of time for good things to happen for you

[mrjonesmcr]

This planet in a way, isn't where we truly come from. There's a mysterious invisible where everything comes from. The world at large is significantly tipped to the hostile and negative. Some people hold onto every last drip of freedom but then they find themselves left out from the crowd, like some people on sites like NMP. Faceless companies only want to sell so they make you feel like shit from utero to the coffin. A lot of people believe in a choice of money or love. They sacrifice their love and get money then they feel power. It's no surprise you've never felt at home in a sense...

Some people simply aren't sensitive to peer pressures. I'm not. Most of it's bullscrap. And people fill themselves up with bullcrap to fit in and feel normal. Believing in illusions, and people giving illusions that nothing's getting to them is in my opinion, one of the worst ways to live. Never fortunate. Like you said, it's only your point of view.

When you say the ship has sailed...You're still young in your 20's approaching 30... (which is not old!). You can let loose and have fun and be silly. I don't think anyone is expecting much maturity of a 28 yr old. No need to make big projects or dreams that must be accomplished now.

You are probably doing small things that you are maybe not appreciating. No need to already be perfect. The good news is nothing's ever been robbed by depression. There's been delays. Truth has been depressed. It lays dormant within you, you just may need to dig deep inside to uncover it. Appreciate the small everyday things. You and everybody are here for a bigger purpose and never to buy or sell.

People keep telling me I'm young, I'm not. Okay, clearly I am not old either, right now it's some kind of purgatory. And most people now seem to want to settle down and not have fun, which would be fine if I was able to live before. But now most have relationships, they're getting houses, quitting drinking, rarely socialising, focusing on careers etc. I'm not really how I can 'let loose'. Most of the decisions I've made and events that have happened will likely shape my future, at least it's how it seems.

---------- Post added at 16:37 ---------- Previous post was at 16:33 ----------

I started volunteering at ChildLine a while back and that helped me feel I was doing something to help others and I see you're a volunteer too, does that help you?

It's charity work shop. Quite honestly, it doesn't feel rewarding or excites me dramatically. I've done it on and off for about five years now. I'm jaded to the point where I don't feel like I'm useful or helping people. I feel like if I left tomorrow, my place would be taken and I'd be an afterthought.

---------- Post added at 16:38 ---------- Previous post was at 16:37 ----------

Sometimes we just need a bit of luck, sometimes we just need good things to happen. You're still young at 28, plenty of time for good things to happen for you

People keep telling me this. It's something I hope I'm proved wrong about, but I've heard it so many times and found myself s**t on, it almost sounds like white noise.

---------- Post added at 16:43 ---------- Previous post was at 16:38 ----------

I'm at the stage now were I can't be bothered to make an effort, It feels kinda good in a way because I feel the pressure is off now.

That's what I'd like to aim for. I managed it a couple of years back, I just went with the flow and hoped for the best. It worked for a bit, but something triggered me. No idea what though.

[Barry boy]

Hi mrjonesmcr, probably not a good idea for me to say not making effort is good. I would guess some people on the forum have to make an effort just to walk out the front door. You should always try to make an effort to improve your circumstances, just don't worry about it if things don't go to plan, as long as you tried.

There's definitely a huge element of luck in life it can't be denied.

Anyway, I don't want to come across negative, I feel very positive of late, I think my luck might be changing

[Bigboyuk]

Hi mrjonesmcr, probably not a good idea for me to say not making effort is good. I would guess some people on the forum have to make an effort just to walk out the front door. You should always try to make an effort to improve your circumstances, just don't worry about it if things don't go to plan, as long as you tried.

There's definitely a huge element of luck in life it can't be denied.

Anyway, I don't want to come across negative, I feel very positive of late, I think my luck might be changing

Yes you are right Barry boy not making a effort is negative it's often easier though as no effort is required to do nothing. But your post does end on a good note!! And exactly you have try if you fail, you keep trying there's a very true saying 'If at first you don't succeed try, try again' Lets just say Iam glad I didn't give up Cheers

[Barry boy]

I haven't given up BB, I've had a lot of opportunities come my way in the last couple of years, I suppose I just feel exhausted by it all.

Put it another way: I'm not making any effort in trying to please other people. That for me, is a big weight of my shoulders. If anything, I'm getting on a lot better with people with that attitude

[Bigboyuk]

I haven't given up BB, I've had a lot of opportunities come my way in the last couple of years, I suppose I just feel exhausted by it all.

Put it another way: I'm not making any effort in trying to please other people. That for me, is a big weight of my shoulders. If anything, I'm getting on a lot better with people with that attitude

Hi Bb Nah I never suggested you had given up Yeah it does get tiring for sure! Ahh thanks for the explanation in full that does make sense, I used to be a people pleaser too, not any more genuine people will want to know you for you Keep up the good work you will go far Cheers

[Barry boy]

Thanks BB

BB

Edit:By the sounds of it mrjonesmcr knows what I mean. Sometimes we expect to much from ourselves. Good to give ourselves a break sometimes.

[Bigboyuk]

Thanks BB

BB

Edit:By the sounds of it mrjonesmcr knows what I mean. Sometimes we expect to much from ourselves. Good to give ourselves a break sometimes.

You Are Welcome Pinching my username initials what ever next Yeah I am sure he does, deffo on that we need to be kinder to ourselves too Cheers

[mrjonesmcr]

Hi mrjonesmcr, probably not a good idea for me to say not making effort is good. I would guess some people on the forum have to make an effort just to walk out the front door. You should always try to make an effort to improve your circumstances, just don't worry about it if things don't go to plan, as long as you tried.

There's definitely a huge element of luck in life it can't be denied.

Anyway, I don't want to come across negative, I feel very positive of late, I think my luck might be changing

I accept that, and some members have looked at my posts and don't have any empathy and they struggle to even leave the house, and I've been there so I can relate. However, I can only post from my perspective. I don't demand or expect everyone to blindly agree.

And I've been there, done that. I've made so much effort and gone with the flow, yet I've felt further isolated and rejected, both seem to be a waste of time.

I'm glad you're in a better place though, I truly am. I wouldn't wish isolation on my worst enemy.

[Barry boy]

I accept that, and some members have looked at my posts and don't have any empathy and they struggle to even leave the house, and I've been there so I can relate. However, I can only post from my perspective. I don't demand or expect everyone to blindly agree.

And I've been there, done that. I've made so much effort and gone with the flow, yet I've felt further isolated and rejected, both seem to be a waste of time.

I'm glad you're in a better place though, I truly am. I wouldn't wish isolation on my worst enemy.

And again I very much relate to what you are saying. I've been shat on a lot, and i've been running into brick walls all my life. You name it I've tried it, all different therapies etc etc.

I went to see a psychotherapist last year when I was at my lowest. I got up half way through the first session and said "stuff this mate I'm done with this".

If I'm honest I'd rather not talk about my darkest moments, it doesn't help me nowadays, but like I say things are good now, i'll never go back to where I was last year never.

I've learned some good stuff along the way, and what's most important is taking responsibility for the way you feel. You have to avoid looking outside yourself for causes of your problems. If you want to get better you have to work bloody hard.

Don't get me wrong though, most of our problems are because of bad treatment from other people etc. But you have to try your best to get on top of it.

I'm a bit knackered at the moment, I'm just taking it easy not really giving a s**t.

I hope this doesn't come across as preachy, we are all different I suppose.

I'm looking forward to the future though, I've got plans and if they work out life will be sweet