Well as some of you know I was supposed to go on holiday today.
My brother who has bipolar and is an alcoholic attemted suicide last night by taking an overdose of meds and drink.I went and saw him at hospital and it was very distressing.He had to be held down by security and then sedated.He was in a room with a mattress on the floor for his own safety.He was then moved to resuss,where he was all connected up to monitors and drips.
This isnt the first time he has done this,but this time was worse.He has had to kept sedated all day today,because when he came round he was violent due to the high levels of carbomazepine he had taken,He was seeing things.He fell out of bed and cut his head open,had to be sedated further.
He can not see the mental health team until the drugs have come out of his system and he can talk.
My parents want me to go away to Devon tomorrow.They said I need to get away.They are here for him and Im only a phone call away.They will keep me informed.
We have had this on going problem for over 20 years.Would I be selfish to go away.
I cant do much here but support my parents,but they want me to go.They know I need the break.
I coped really well in the hospital last night,a few times I felt the panic coming,but I controlled it.I had to visit the loo alot and I was reaching,but I think I did pretty well.
The hospital said they are not worried about him now,just waiting for the meds to come out of his system.
I feel exhausted,and I know I will worry when Im away but I have to think about my partner to.I just feel so awful going.
Something like this happens everytime I or my parents go away.He is doing as a cry for help I think.He takes the meds then tells someone hes done it.
I will probably go tomorrow,but I will miss you all here.I wish I had a lap top to take with me.
Thanks for all your support.