Hello, I'm in the middle of moving out of my parents's house to live with my fiance. I was both nervous and excited, making plans and thinking about all the things we could do together but the closer it got to moving day the more anxious I got. I had several panic attacks for four days and couldn't stop crying,come moving day I completely broke down and I was overwhelmed with terror, misery and isolation and when my attacks get really bad I "regress" and I felt like I'd been abandoned and I was frantic and begged my parents not to leave me. All I could do was wander around my new house in the dark, begging for someone, anyone to help me and to save me before falling asleep out of exhaustion.

I'm so exhausted, constantly terrified and crying. I've barely slept or eaten and I had to force myself to drink something so I can take my medication and its triggered me to self harm because I can't cope with how I feel. I know I can't stay at my parents's forever and I don't want to but I'm too terrified to go back (even the thought of moving my things there makes me panic!) I don't feel like I belong anywhere and I don't know what to do or how to make it stop. I feel like dying, anything to make it stop. I feel like it's going to destroy me and my relationship with my fiance because I know how much it hurts to watch this happen to me.

I'm sorry this is so long, my family are worried about me and are afraid I'll do something I might regret. I feel lost and scared and like a failure and I don't know what to do. I've been to therapy twice before (with limited success)and it's been suggested that I go and try it again with a therapist who has experience with people on the autistic spectrum (I have ASD which makes things worse)

I'm desperate of any help or advice to get me through this and recover, Everything feels like a hellish nightmare and I just want it to end!