Am i what i fear the most?

[wombat]

Hello everyone,
I have just joined today and wonder if anybody can help me please.
I have been diagnosed with ocd years ago and seen various doctor's etc and had cbt...etc...etc.
My worries have changed over the years from:
1.When i was a child......would i ever have to wear glasses.
2.Watching a digital clock in the lounge and if i changed would think bad luck would happen.
3.Getting leukaemia
4.Being kidnapped when i was a child.
5.Dying.
You name it i've had it!!!!
Let me give you and eg:You walk through customs and the custom guy stares at you and you blush....you don't blush because of anything you've done wrong but you blush because of what he might think!
This is what's happened to me and i worry that if someone mentions the word paedophile-what if i go red and they think that i'm one.
I can honestly say it is absolutely ruining my life and i don't know who to turn to anymore.
I'm not a paedophile and i can rationalise it but then the thought comes back again...and again....and again....and i don't know what to do anymore.
I think what's triggered it off is somebody who used to work at the factory where i worked was one and somebody mentioned it and i went bright red and they said why have you gone red?...and the nightmare started from then on.
I'm only attracted to older people anyway and always have been and am the last person that would abuse any child so why do i keep worrying about it.
When i told them at the hospital they told me to write my thoughts down for two weeks which i did and they said i wasn't a paedophile as well.
I think it's a bit like being a hypochondriac similar to the other things i have worried about over the years.What if i've got cancer,what if...what if...what ...if but this one's just stuck and will not budge at all.
Sorry for the long post but i feel desperate at the moment and need help.

[ken]

I can honestley say you are not a peodaphile how i no this well first you think its terrible & woula peodaphile worry no they woudnt coz they enjoy it as horrible as it sounds, I had your worry its horrible still get the od thoughts but thats all they are. heres a tip breath in 4 about 6secs or longer exhale 4 about 8secs or more do this to take your mind of thoughts, when your in the worrieing state it feels like you are this bad person, i'm having violent thoughts & images @ mo against my daughter workmates or any1, i find this horrible coz it feels like your going 2 act them out which feels horrible, hope you feel reassured

[Filthy1]

hey;
that peadophile thing i swear is so common for ocd sufferers. ive suffered with it for AGES, its got to the point where im scared just to be in the same area as a kid! i cant explain why, ive never had a sexual thought about a kid or been attracted to one and it sickens me the thought of what they do to kids, its like THE most horrible thing my mind could come up with.
ive had others such as being a cannibal!!! a newcrophile!! even incestuous¬!!! how stupid is that.
so dotn worry it IS just your ocd, you arent wht it tells you you are.
you'll be surprised how many other suffer with it too.
hope this helps.

[wombat]

Thanks very much to you both for your help.
It's a b.......y nightmare isn't it.
When i told them at the hospital i honestly thought they were going to lock me up in prison but they didn't because they knew that i wasn't.
They said at the hospital that obsessions change over the years for eg a lot of people had religous obsessions years ago.
Now there's so much in the news about child abuse etc in the papers it acts as a trigger for somebody with ocd.
If there was nothing in the news about it i would be worrying about something else.
I think it's difficult for men anyway because it's as if you are guilty these days till proven innocent....if that makes any sense.
I was reading just the other day that hardly any male teachers want to teach anymore in case they get accused of anything(and they've not got ocd).

[sarah1984]

I heard that too-and that they're trying to get more men into positions working with children as a result. Wombat, the fact that you are so repulsed by paedophilia is more than enough proof to me that you couldn't possibly be one.

[wombat]

Thank-you for all for taking the time to offer your advice.Thinking about it though it's like asking for reassurance isn't it.I know i'm a good person and shouldn't bother what people think because if they do think that then it's not true anyway.
Thanks again,
Wombat.

[Chellec]

Hi guys
I have been away for so long but now Im back. I have been having these thoughts and they have nearly driven me insane!!! The thoughts repulse me and scare me senseless and its enough to make you want to harm yourself but the sensbible side of me has prevented that. To hear that others have has this makes me feel that Im not a total weirdo or pervert- even writing that word makes me feel sick. I would never do anything ever to a child or another human being and it makes me so sick that it brings on panic- why do I get these thoughts? I told my boyfriend in a mild way and he just said that I was crazy and he knows that would never ever be true of me which calmed me for a bit now the thoughts are back please help!! xxx