is this still depression?

[red100]

I could really do with some advice,

I was off work for about 4 months with depression and have been back at work for the last 5 months but with a lot of time off. The thing is now i'm not sure if i'm depressed or just thinking myself depressed ( if that makes sense!) I've definitely improved i was only sleeping 3-4 hours a night now its 5-6, the shaking is a lot less etc, i'm not actively suicidal and i don't feel hopeless all the time - but i have no energy, i'm putting everything off, i want to cry most days and sometimes do for 3-4 hours( i never cried either before or when i was off work with depression) I feel overwhelmed by everything and will try to avoid it, i feel like i need a long long holiday away from everything - but all i do when i'm not at work is lie on the couch and watch tv. The only thing that gets my interest is this site and a couple of others about depression. So my question is, am i really depressed (clinically?) or am i just feeding a fed up mood and should really just be pulling myself together? Do i really want to get well or am i just hanging on to the illness for some reason?

thanks for any words of advice
red

[sarah1984]

Red-exhaustion, tearfulness and a lack of interest in life are indeed signs of depression. It sounds as if you have improved but I'd certainly say that what you are going through now sounds far from pleasant and you shouldn't have to live like this. Are you taking any medication or receiving any form of therapy? It's very easy to sink into a spiral of lethargy when depressed but I think you really have to make an effort to break that cycle and do something constructive. Depression and anxiety do come with a lot of guilt and I sometimes worried that I was wallowing in my anxiety, but only you can answer the last two questions. I think you should really make an appointment to see your doc-even if you are currently taking something. Try and give some structure to your life ie. ban yourself from surfing the net/watching TV or limit the time you spend doing these things. Even a gentle walk around the block to get yourself outside would be a good idea.Take Care x

[Insomniac]

Hi Red.

It certainly sounds like depression to me. (been there done that).

You've managed to get back to work from your time off, but its a long recovery from something like that. My doctor told me years ago if you try to rush things it can make them worse. But at the same time try to do what you can. I know very well the feeling off just wanting to stay at home, or more often just wanting to stay in bed and then not have to feel the hopelessness. But I know you can't hide from it really and it will always be there when you wake up.

I do try to make myself get out in the garden if its dry. And I don't place any high targets like digging the garden either which would make me feel under pressure. Sometimes I just wander around, my garden is small, and I look at the little plants growing, or just sit in the sunshine for a while. I usually find this makes me feel better than sitting inside.

Are you on medication? It sounds like you should visit your doctor and either ask about help, or increase a dose. I was on one anti-depressant years ago which didnt really help, and when I went to see my doctor he said he was glad I came back instead of just suffering it as there are others and I then changed to one which did suit me.

Sorry this is such a long reply. But I do hope it helps you. Pm me if you like.

[red100]

Sarah and Lisa
Thanks for your kind replies, they really helped me to clear my thoughts abit about whats going on - i guess this really is the latest phase in my depression saga!!! and i'm just goping to have to take things easy until it goes - i'm just getting fed up waiting though!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks again both your replies were a big help
red

[clickaway]

Hi red

I can only echo the other replies, adding that I don't think you have clinical depression and you will get through this.

I would certainly aim to get outside the confines of your house and garden every day. That's what I do and I feel I have achieved something for that day - try to get out for a purpose. If you are in walking distance of a corner shop, go there especially for a weekly magazine, a bar of chocolate or a pint of milk, and deliberately leave a couple of things off your big shopping list.

It's sometimes a lift if you meet a friend or neighbour by chance, and even the dutiful conversation to the shop assistant will make you feel more human.

This is hard, but together we can crack it!