I have dealt with anxiety and fear of the past for a while. I will be absolutely fine for months and then I will remember something that I thought I was over. I have a constant fear that I've either touched or hurt children in my past. I 100 percent know this isn't true, I am a 23 year old girl, and studying to be a teacher. I love children and my anxiety and OCD is about fear if hurting them. The one thing that is bugging me is that I feel like when my brother was like very young.. 3 or 4? I may have abused him in some way. I would have been around 12..? I remember being in the hot tub and him sitting on my lap. I feel like I may have rubbed myself on him? and I have no clue why I would do this. I know I can't judge myself now for my childhood, and I never wanted to hurt him. Im worried that something else happened that I can't remember. what if I touched him or something and can't remember? I am racking my brain trying to figure this out and my brain tells me to let it go, because I was a child and I didn't want to hurt him, and my anxiety tells me I am a disgusting monster who deserves to die. He's 14 now and I am almost uncomfortable to be around him because I am afraid that I hurt him. I don't know what to do. I feel like I could vomit.