Freaking out now

[Blonde123]

Morning All.

So Ive posted a few threads and they go in line with ways of HA. Firstly I want to say that I find this website very calming and helpful. I feel like abit of a "user" as I only use it when my HA is in full swing. However, I would like to ask if anyone feels like their HA stops them making life decisions? This might be abit of a long post but Im hoping people will respond. For me this can be buying a new item of clothing and thinking whats the point in wasting money on this if Im seriously ill etc? At the minute Im feeling anxious about buying a property abroad. This is making me feel dizzy but then the HA in me thinks am I dizzy becuase theres something seriously wrong with me and then when Im calm I think or is it the big decision to buy abroad thats making me anxious and the dizziness is part of feeling anxious?? I hope you understand what I mean? Its abit like chicken and egg which came first!! Its almost like I dont know which one came first? The life decision causing anxiety or the anxiety causing the symptoms making me feel I shouldnt make decisions. Now I feel totally bonkers because Im thinking I dont want to spend a lot of money to find out Im ill in 6 months time and leave my family with debt which we didnt have in the first place! I have had CBt in the past which I found helpful but as my HA isnt constant I dont want medication, I havent seen my GP in ages because deep down I think this is my HA giving in so ill just give my symtpoms time to calm down and reassess the sitation instead of running off to see a Gp and also for anyone who hasnt read my posts, Im a nurse and I feel really stupid having HA given the number of people I see on any given day with the same thing! My symptoms at the minute are dizziness which comes and goes almost like a swaying in my head but no falling or off balance or visiual disturbances. Its a split second thing worse in the morning but today its really affected my work adn I cant seem to concentrate. please help x

[amrija]

I have experienced what you're describing about fear of making decisions because what's the point if I'm seriously ill? Sometimes I try to counter this with a thought - if I'm seriously ill, then I should do as many things as possible before I became unable to.

And buying property abroad is a really big decision that would be stressful for anyone. And dizziness is like the most common symptom of anxiety, but I'm sure you know this

[Worrywart1234]

Absolutely! When my HA is really out of control I feel embarassed for myself if I make any plans at all, because what's the point. Those sort of thoughts are so distressing and off putting aren't they?! At the moment, I've had a very good bit of luck and am also buying a house and I can't shake the feeling that something really bad is about to happen to make up for it...I'm not sure I have any suggestions for you - I'm rather hoping to get some ideas from other responses to your post. I will say, though, that I try and tell myself it's unfair to my family to put my bad thoughts onto them. I try and distract myself as soon as I start thinking it.
I also know what you mean about your only using the forum when you're not doing well. I sometimes find this forum triggers anxiety in me when I'm feeling ok, so I usually only come on when I'm needing a bit of back up.
It's really nice to know I'm not alone with these sort of thoughts - it just proves the bad thoughts are anxiety and not a symptom of something terrible...

[Blonde123]

Thanks very much for both posting. Its nice to know Im not alone. I was interested in what you Amrija said about doing as many things as possible - its kind of put a positive spin on it and I hadn't thought of this. i will try and do this more often.

Worrywart, thanks for the response, I will also try and not push my bad fears onto my family. I know I should feel lucky and excited to be buying property abroad but after no mortgage for many years and then taking money out of my home is a massive deal just as you both said. However I will also try and think more about how my children will enjoy using it and their friends, and like you said not put my worries onto them and concentrate on how happy they will be.
Good luck with your house BTW!

Honestly its so frustrating all these thoughts, it makes me feel dreadful. I cant believe that you can go about your normal life for weeks and months with not a care in the world and then out of the blue something so tiny makes a massive impact on your life and makes you second guess every life decision. I should be feeling so happy and excited and instead I keep thinking its a waste of time because Im getting the family into debt and I might be dead in 12 month!! Going bonkers

[swajj]

I used to feel like I couldn't make long term plans until I knew I didn't have whatever sinister condition I feared at the time. The problem was I would find out I didn't have whatever it was I feared and within a day or 2 I would be convinced I had some other sinister condition. So I never made any long term plans for 3 years. HA sucks.

[Blonde123]

Oh no Swajj, thats exactly how I feel except at the minute its not consuming my whole life just now and agai. i can go months not feeling anything then all of a sudden bam its back! How did you get over it?

[AnxietySuckss]

You said they’re like split second spells of dizziness/off balance. Would it be accurate to call them “zap” type feelings?

[Blonde123]

Hi Anxiety, no they're not zaps - I used to get those which I associated with headaches but havent had them for months. this feels like a swaying sensation. nothing is blurry and I dont feel like I will fall. Its almost like someone has a thread attached to my head and they're pulling me over and I want to move in that direction. then I blink and its gone.

[AnxietySuckss]

Hi Anxiety, no they're not zaps - I used to get those which I associated with headaches but havent had them for months. this feels like a swaying sensation. nothing is blurry and I dont feel like I will fall. Its almost like someone has a thread attached to my head and they're pulling me over and I want to move in that direction. then I blink and its gone.

That sounds very common with anxiety.

[Dubmom]

I completely understand what you're saying. I deal with something similar, but not exactly the same. My brain refuses to allow me to have a good time. It doesn't let me acknowledge that I'm having fun or enjoying a good family day. I struggle the most before trips/vacations/day trips/family plans. My brain keeps saying "what if this is the last fun time you guys have before you're 'diagnosed'." "This will be a memory that your kid has of you after you're gone from x-y-z disease I'm scared of at the time".

It's SO annoying.