Thoughts and emotions help

[summer1]

Hey,

When i get depression/anxiety the symptoms i get are intense irritability and irrational thoughts - i can have one thought - similar to another lady who posted that she had an irrational thought that she didn't love her husband anymore and thought it was silly as she did the day before and it will stick with me for ages then disappear. I get that horrible symptom of feeling emotionless and i wonder if because i am feeling emotionally numb i can't look at people in the same way as i do when i feel 'normal'. So i go from one day feeling on top of the world and so in love and warm and fuzzy to nothing. I KNOW i am happy and in love but i feel so stuck in this rut that after a while you get so confused that you don't know whats real or not. I hate feeling like this - i want my spark back Anyone else experience this? I've been back on 10mg of Citalopram on my 31st tablet after a year off of it and i'm hoping it will kick in soon.

[Lizzie1975]

Hi summer1,

Yes I know what you mean! I have days even now like this - I call it my 'wrong brain' as like you said, I don't think and feel like I do when I'm my 'normal' self. The only advice I can give is what I do, I try and let it be and try to remember that I know this will pass, easier said than done when you aren't thinking or feeling like yourself....but inevitably it always does eventually pass. Why this happens? I don't know, maybe a clogging of the emotional pipes?? - it's very frustrating.

It use to last with me for weeks at a time and I absolutely KNEW that I didn't love my partner, it was hell on earth. Amazingly though, he stuck by me and 5 years on we're expecting another baby and I love him to death.

Just try and not question it, let it be and know it will pass, I do feel for you though, I know how awful it feels.

Lizzie xxxx

[summer1]

Hey Lizzie, you are a star, you have just confirmed what i am telling myself. I truly love my man, he means the world to me - i like you said just feel like i have some kind of emotional blockage at the moment and can't look at people in the same way so you feel like you don't know who you are half the time. I feel so guilty as i must be a nightmare to live with and i hate that i am feeling irritable but it has been there before and i now it passed, the longer it goes on tho the more worried i get these things take time tho i guess. Congratulations on your baby and i am so happy for you getting through it xxx

[PUGLETMUM]

i think when we're struggling with anxiety/panic in all its forms we are'nt happy with ourselves so how can we feel at ease with the people around us?

i also just try to accept it and let it pass, but when its ongoing it does start to get a bit depressing!

with all the kindness and acceptance here we should be able to feel better about ourselves again and then in turn be nicer, easier people to live with, but also to be able to recognise that sometimes things are'nt our fault! nobody is perfect including our partners/husbands, if they are with us they should accept us or get lost!no maybe this is'nt correct! just ignore this last bit) sometimes tho we sound like we are saying they are perfect and we are rubbish and that isnt true is it?
emma

[summer1]

Yeah that is true Emma, it is hard to feel happy and patient with everyone around us when you feel so frustrated with yourself. No ones perfect and who is normal these days eh!

[woofybaby]

Summer....

You are going through EXACTLY the same as me. I think I was the person who posted the irrational thought post you were talking about and so I can really appreciate what you are going through - it's that emptiness and loneliness.

BUT I am continually reminding myself that none of this is 'real' - it is my illness talking. If I had measles I would have spots, if I had an ear infection I would have ear pain. I have depression and that makes me scared and have irrational thoughts.

I'm thinking of you hon - please PM me if you want support.

xxx

[summer1]

Thanks Woofybaby, yeah i think you did do the original post and i was over the moon to see i wasn't the only one. I will defo PM you! I feel like i'm in a bubble, i must be a nightmare to live with, i want to be 'myself' but i just can't. Everything that 'used' to interest me etc doesn't now - i want my spark back and want to look at people in the adoring way i usually do.. Thanks for replying hun - how are you doing with it now?? I have been feeling like this for about a month or so, on the citalopram and hoping it diminishes the thoughts - doesn't help when you also have the depression symptoms of feeling disconnected and unfeeling about people close to you either - do you find that? xxx

[woofybaby]

Summer - i sent you a PM...

[woofybaby]

Lizzie - how did you deal with it? Can you give me some helpful tips and advice about it....... It is horrendous - I desperately want to love him, but can't and then panic that this is because I absolutely don't etc etc...

[woofybaby]

I try really hard to take each day as it comes, but its in my nature to worry and panic. The thing that frightens me the most is the fact that it seems to have come out of nowhere, but it seems so real. I try to remember all the reasons why I know I love him and how I was as little as 3 weeks ago, but then I twist things into other things and get worked up about that too - e.g. maybe I was too desperate to feel loved that I jumped without thinking about it etc etc.

I'm so scared by it all. Before all this I thought we had a really strong relationship. Not the thunderbolt kind, but the deep, understanding, comforting kind. We have always just clicked. But then I keep questioning why am I feeling like this? BUT I still crave his company and want texts and e-mails and get cross when he doesn't text and wake up in the night wrapped round him. I just feel so empty.

This is one of the worst irrational thoughts I have ever had and I am so scared in case it is true - he is my life and my rock. My wedding day and the day he proposed were the happiest days of my life. i imagine that this must be what Post Natal Depression is like when you are faced with something you want to love and feel comfortable with but there is something blocking you from it?

I was seeing an awful counsellor though who kept saying that I wouldn't be thinking it unless there was a reason for it, and this has obviously made me worse.

Sorry for ranting...... I guess I'm relieved to have found others who kind of understand!

Is this making sense?