As a lot of you know I have been working really hard to beat my agoraphobia lately and am making sure I try to leave the house at least once a day even if it is just to drive the 10 minute journey to collect my eldest Ami from work.

Today was my youngests 11th birthday and this afternoon I decided i would suprise her and collect her from school, something I haven't felt able to do for months now.

A friend and I drove to the school and I thought bloody hell not sure I can do this now, but I so needed to, so I got out the car and walked to the school gate and into the playground. I looked at my phone and it said 7 minutes until the bell was due to ring for home time, 7 minutes is like 7 hours to someone who doesn't do waiting and doesn't do crowds or the outside lol.

2 friends saw me there and came over and both said 'bloody hell Trac who let you out' .............. ok so I have been a hermit for a while now lol.

Checks time on phone again just as bell rings and the kids all pile into the playground, woo nearly there ......................... well apart from Erin who does like to walk as slow as possible into the playground chatting away to her 2 friends she walks home with, I spotted her walking down and she hadn't noticed me then all of a sudden she looked up and stopped then looked again and just flew down the playground and threw her arms around me and with a huge smile on her face said 'wow well done mum, did you do this cause its my birthday and you wanted to suprise me' then she grabbed my hand and we walked back to the car, bloody hell did I feel good seeing the huge smile on her face when she saw me standing there.

Later on we went to burger king to collect dinner (Erins choice as it was her birthday) and I went in ordered, paid and waited for the food, well if I can do the school playground I can do burger king lol.

Over the next few weeks I have a lot coming up, I start a self esteem course on the 4th July, on the 5th July I have Erins end of year school show, hoping to go to the NMP meet up on the 8th July and then out for a birthday meal on the 13th July, so its kill or cure time for Trac and her agoraphobia from now on lol. I will let you know how all of these go.

But as for tonight I can't stop smiling and seeing the look on Erin's face and hearing how proud she was of me for doing something most mum's do everyday without thinking about it, but has taken me so long to finally achieve again.

Trac feels like she is definatley on her road to freedom and it feels bloody good.

Today I JFDI

Love

Trac xxxx