help i feel terrible

[sammie]

hi everyone,

i hope someone out there can relate to what i am feeling at the moment.

i have had anxiety / panic for a long time this i can deal and cope with its the depression i am having probs with. i am currently at uni doing a degree and have two exams to sit in august ( should have done them in may but was ill) i can't concentrate on any revision the thought of sitting these exams is making me ill. every morning i feel terrible and find it hard to motivate myself to get out of bed. this depression hit me last year when my nephew ( 21yrs) died suddenly and horribly. i feel i have still got issues with grief and it,s taking over my life i can't move on from it. i dont want to pack in my degree i have worked so hard to get this far i just go from one day to the next feeling horrible plus i am so sick of people telling me that my nephew would not want me to feel this way. i cant help it i am still devastated.

please if anyone out there can relate especially to grief please reply

sammie

[Debs8a]

Hey Sammie, sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the moment. It can't be easy. Especially with exams and stuff. Its ok to feel devastated and no one can blame you for coming to a stand still. Why not take a week out and pay tribute to your nephew by doing something completely different to studying. Take that time to grieve a little and remember him and what he was to you. Then at the end of the week, start preparing to put your head down and get your work done. You will only feel worse in yourself if you drop out now. Man, you have worked so hard through all this crappy panic and anxiety. Thats commendable. I wish i had it in me.

My little cousin died in a road accident when i was in my first year of uni. I thought i was fine until exam time where i felt totally bogged under and quit. It is my biggest regret.......I wish i had finished for her. That would have been her legacy...Big Cuz the dentist, not big cuz the restaurant floozy!!

Good luck, chin up. xx

[happyone]

Hey!
i am not going to tell you your nephew would not want you to feel like this because if there is some sort of omni presence or understanding after people die, then he will understand that you cannot help the way you feel. If only it was as easy as switching on and off eh?
Have you had any counselling? It might be helpful to discuss with someone who will allow you to say the stuff that upsets you without passing comment on it.
Grief I have experience of, my brother died 24 years ago in an accident and I am still affected today. My dad died a few years ago. and the best piece of advice I can give you is that everything you are feeling is normal. Bloody horrible, but normal. It will pass in time, and you may not get over the traumatic manner of it, but it will become easier to bear.
You have lost someone who you loved, who was young. I think young deaths are always so traumatic as it doesn't seem fair or right. You have every right to feel depressed and it would be surprising if you weren't.
Here is a link to an article that describes the bereavement process, which we all go through when suffering a loss, to a greater or lesser degree.
http://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/bereav.html
If you put 'bereavement process' or 'stages of grieving' into your browser, you will find a multitude of articles which explains this process. And more importantly, it CAN'T BE HURRIED you can however, have help to get you through the process. I would thoroughly recommend counselling, which your university may be able to provide, if not, most gp practices can refer you. Cruse bereavement care is a very good charitable organisation too which provides bereavement counselling.
If your depression is getting too much of a grip, you may want to consider medication that your doctor can provide. I am thinking in particular in terms of assisting you to study. With my depression, an infuriating inability to concentrate engulfed me, which meds have helped to restore.
Feel free to pm me if there is anything you want to ask and I will do my best.
And keep on posting here if it heklps to get it all out.
Take care and remember, you have a right to your grief.

Happyone
x