I’m in a weird situation. I’m female and before HOCD I pretty much felt gay. I wasn’t always the happiest about it and did have the usual internalized homophobia. I avoided locker rooms because I didn’t want to look too interested in anyone. When I was twelve years old and noticed girls being interested in guys I tried to force myself to be interested in guys as well. That’s kind of when OCD about sexual orientation started. I did have crushes on girls and found some girls hot before that, but I blamed it on being too and young and undeveloped.

At fourteen I developed a crush on a girl. At that point it was kind of cool to be gay, so I accepted the possibility. When I tried to come out no one believed me and that’s when my HOCD symptoms came out to play. At first I worried I was going through a phase and I’d start to like guys. When I got older I worried about being bisexual because of groinal responses and being asexual because HOCD really kills attraction.

Since I’ve had HOCD for so long I really don’t feel in touch with my sexuality. Like I want to be with a girl, I just hardly feel attraction to them. I’ve felt attraction to girls before of course, but it’s just so rare for me. I also feel like I get attracted to guys sometimes, but I really don’t want to be with them. People keep pressuring me to give guys a chance. I also keep attracting creepy guys who won’t leave me alone. One even cyberstalked me and found out about my HOCD. He constantly harasses me and makes terrible comments about my sexuality. He basically triggers my HOCD on purpose and threatens to visit me in real life and try to **** me.