Hello.
my names Daniel.
i always find these things hard to write so i'll just write it as if i'm talking/ thinking. i think my earliest form of panic attacks came when i was about 7 when me and my family went on my first holiday abroad.
the thought of flying on a plane had never crossed my mind before then and if it did i had no idea how terrified i was of it. i remember having to be talked through the whole flight, getting a window seat, vomitting (sorry) and the whole panic thing. the 2nd flight i passed out before getting on the plane.
since then i found that growing up i would avoid things that i viewed as potentially dangerous/ stressful. often resulting in a collapse of my psyichal state, being hospitalised and a feeling of loosing my mind. i wouldn't keep friends, any girlfriends i had were always casual and not too serious and i wouldnt even talk to my family. i'd just sit in my room sulking and worrying about life and do i fit in.
anyway into my late teens i started taking drugs which seemed like a normal thing to do as a college student. it started off with marijuana, then it went to excstasy then finally progressed to MDMA, which i'd like to add is the drug that made me quit all of them. i used to find that they would numb the pain and the emptiness that i felt inside.
after a seriously bad trip on mdma i began to have severe panic attacks. they would last for anything between 5minutes and 20 and the memory of them would stick with me for days to months. the suicidal thoughts began to creep in and i began to become more and more dettached from the outside world.
it was then that i started to really obsess over my worries until my mind could cope no more. id wake up feeling like the dream i just had was more real then the world i woke up into. i'd lie in bed awake for fear that it might come again.
i've arrived on this website, i hope, in the recovery stage of the worst parts, though i still consistently get panic attacks only they seem to last shorter and shorter. it's funny, reading the introduction on how to cure yourself of these 'things' i realised that over the past months i've been doing alot of them. i found solace in reading, i've taught myself to play the guitar, i write my thoughts down every day. all this helps and slowly i'm begining to socialise more and more with people and i find that also helps.
anyway enough rambling,
i hope alot more of what goes on in my mind gets talked about on this forum. this website really is a big help, i just wish i found it sooner!
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Good to see you here , you will get loads of advice and make new friends too.
DONT WORRY BE HAPPY
