2nd day of new job- help! I need to support my family!

[Savms4339]

Hi
I am new to this forum and looking for some help!
I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years. I have just gone into a new job. I have had to leave 5 previous jobs as the anxiety and fear was too much for be. I left all these jobs after 1 day. (Not good and utterly embarrassing) anyhow I managed to find a job and get through what felt like hell to remain in the job. I lasted 5 years before I realised it was time to leave and find this new job. Problem is I thought I wouldn’t experience what I felt before and today in my first job BANG there it was. That sudden fear and gut wrenching feeling. It just hits me all of a sudden and it’s like I just can’t stay at my desk, I need to run or hide. I couldn’t Explain it. It’s like I am alone and sheltered from the world and it’s like my loved ones are really far away. (Sounds stupid I know.) I managed to get though the day somehow and now all that’s in my head is the impeding fear of tomorrow and doing it all again! Has anyone had anything similar and have some thoughts on how to beat it or maintain the fear feeling? Any help would be appreciated!

[Speranza]

Hi, it doesn't sound stupid. It's anxiety. Are you on any meds or in any counselling?

First thing, cope a minute at a time. Try to discipline yourself not to worry about tomorrow. Just focus on NOW. Learn about mindfulness. I get these panicky moments but actually it's never as bad as I anticipate. So I work on not anticipating.

Second, you GOT THROUGH today. OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but you did it. Be proud of yourself and tell yourself you can do it again tomorrow.

Third, make an appointment to see the GP and talk this through with them.

You are doing fine. Lots of people get this trapped feeling, even without anxiety,

Don't panic, it will be ok, (Read my sig!)

I'll be praying for you to feel some peace and calm so that you know it's possible to get through. x

[Savms4339]

Hi

Thanks for your reply it is very much appreciated.

I was on citalopram before but it took me so long to come off the meds I really don’t want to go down that road again. I think your right it’s the anticipation. I’m already building myself up for the feeling once I get to work. Have you got any suggestions on how to bypass the feeling or calm it once it arrives. It comes in stages and will pass for a moment and then come back.

Thanks x

[ana]

This morning on my way to work, I was feeling quite calm and confident walking to my workplace (I'm agoraphobic so I struggle going places), but as soon as I got there, BANG, a massive panic attack hit! I recognised it as my resistance to work as I was supposed to be covering for my colleagues, thus doing more hours per day this week, and I felt the need to book an Uber to go home. I had that 'I MUST escape now' feeling.

But I didn't. I got in, sat at my desk, took a benzo, and even though I had a few more panic attacks after the massive one, I managed to get through the day.

I also feel trapped, all the time. I feel separated from the world, just like you do, and when panic strikes, I feel so far removed from safety, my home, my family... It's paralysing and terrifying.

How about we keep each other posted on our progress, on how our day goes tomorrow? I have an even longer day tomorrow, followed by a meeting, which I'm absolutely terrified of, especially after today's unexpected struggle.

[Speranza]

WELL DONE! Really WELL DONE!

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Yes, keep us posted. I had a 1;1 with my manager today. I always dread them even though she is lovely and very understanding. Today I broke it to her that I am applying for other jobs and she was lovely. I work for a charity and the pay is pretty bad - and if interest rates go up I will struggle to pay my mortgage. She understood totally and was really supportive. So I faced a mini-demon today too. Nothing on your scale.

[Savms4339]

so a second day is done. My only problem is that I can’t swirch that feeling off even when I get home. I’m constantly worrying and thinking about tomorrow and doing it all again.today I woke up and immediately had the fear, that stomach churning feeling that I have to do this again. As soon I walked in even the smell triggered me. I started to sweat really bad and got so worked up. It took me a while to try and compose myself. All day I spent worrying if this feeling will come and if when it happens how can I manage it. Somehow I got through the day. Even thinking about the job tomorrow it makes me physically sick and scared. I’m 29 surely this isn’t normal. I appreciate you both taking the time to listen to me and I want you to know I’m here to listen to you too. I just wish someone could tell me the exact problem I have. I know I suffer from anxiety but there must be a type of anxiety I suffer from. ??

[ana]

I feel the same, I really do. My mind is constantly preoccupied with what happens tomorrow, the day after, etc. Even though I've been at this job for 5 years and have had lots of positive experiences working here, I still STILL fear and worry and am resistant to going to work... It's so annoying. The exact problem you have is anxiety.

What triggers your anxiety, what fuels is, why you need it, however, is something specific to you. I, for example, resist change, I'm afraid of being away from home as I have separation anxiety and being an independent adult is difficult, so the thing I'm working through in therapy is becoming aware of the fact that the outside world and its many challenges aren't a danger to me.
Also, I'm a bit older than you, and it frustrates me that I still feel this way in my 30s.

I'd definitely advise writing down a few statements, affirmations on why the thing you fear (your job) is beneficial and positive to your life. Write down how you want the money, how you want the job because of the benefits it earns you. Focus on what you gain and use that as your motivation.

I'm currently at work, not doing too badly, though I've got hours to go yet. Once this day is out of the way, I believe the rest of the week should be a touch easier as I'll at least have a finishing time rather than having a meeting which can last indefinitely! Fingers crossed I come home at a reasonable time today... Stay strong!

[Savms4339]

Do you have to be diagnosed with separation anxiety? I used to never like to stay at my friends house or even holidays, I would enjoy them but constantly miss the comfort of my own home. I’m not sure if this is the same but it’s the same stomach churning feeling that I get similar to now just not as much fear. I’m glad your day isn’t going too badly. My worst part of the day is definitely the morning. Apparently I had a attack this morning when I woke up but was told it was more of a hallucination. I can never remember me having an attack just then coming on. I really am hoping it’s due to the fact it’s a new job and because I’m doing the boring work at moment it gives my mind to think. Was really good to hear of you. Sometime I feel a failure and that I’m not good enough for my family! This is what scares me the most! X

[ana]

You know, what you describe sounds a lot like what I have. Separation anxiety, as I understand it, is a type of anxiety, but is not a separate diagnosis. I also always have that longing to be back home, safe.
Anxiety can tell you you're not good enough, but you know you are, and you're doing what you can to provide for your family, like a good, responsible person.

Try and think about what you look forward to in a day, when you wake up. It might ease some of the anxiety you feel then.

My day went perfectly fine in the end!

[Savms4339]

I’m so happy that your day went well. As I said the mornings seem to be the worst. I wake up before my alarm is set to go off already sweating and have that stomach churning feeling that I have to do it all again. I just wish I could attack the day in a better way. When I’m at work I’m constantly clock watching which doesn’t help. I obviously made it through 3 days but I’m asking myself how? In this present state how can I do it again. Away from my loved ones for this amount of time or how am I gonna do the job in 2 weeks time. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with this and be a normal person!