Really annoyed with myself, seem to be slipping back

[breeze25]

Ok several months ago I had this whole I have a brain tumour episode, got referred to a neurologist, and by the time my appointment came round I seemed to have been out of my trail of self destruction and saw things a little more clearly, so by the time I had my appointment I was going with the theory that it was probably muscular as i seem to always have a pain in the neck and or shoulder. The neurologist did some basic tests and from what I said agreed with me and told me to go back to the doctor who will refer me to physio.

But the last few days my head has been feeling worse, I have worst neck pain than before and I am starting to think about it a lot (well pretty much all the time) and today I have been having a few weird sensations in my face (left side) it feels like pressure for a fraction of a second and then its gone.

I am typing this knowing that my neck has been hurting more and this is why I am getting these sensations as I am sure I have been told that your neck branches up in the head and can cause lots of weird and wonderful sensations, so knowing this, why am I starting to panic and have these negative thoughts, I have had a lovely few weeks not worrying and enjoying the summer holidays with my son, so why are they coming back, because I am feeling like this I am starting to feel myself slipping down, and feel that I am on the cliff and one slight thing will send me stumbing back into that pit of dispair and utter self destruction, my son and my hubby were so happy that they had "me" back and I don't want to let them down again.

[Stefane]

So dont let them down!, you know its your thoughts dragging you down, dont doubt your mind, let your active mind you moniter contreol your thinking not your habituel subconciuss mind.

have faith in yourself I bet your family do!

[breeze25]

I do try and most of the time I manage to sort myself out, its just now and again the negative thoughts come back, I think its worse as I had 3 years not having this, and then all of a sudden it comes back, I wonder if I am worrying because something is wrong, or that what I have is caused by my worrying.

[Kez]

Mev, I'm feeling just like you at the moment. I've done such lovely things lately, and have been so much more relaxed and happy. I'm just really annoyed that my bad thoughts, like yours, are haunting me again, you just get sucked in don't you? What frustrates me the most is that I don't know why my anxiety is trying to nudge it's way back into my life - I didn't realise I was stressed or down. I'm just really trying to use techniques to change the way I think about things, and I'm trying not to lead myself down the same pathways. I always try and smile, and relax my shoulders - just to give myself a happy boost. Perhaps you could try the same?But I sympathise totally, it's all very well trying to not let the thoughts take over, but if someone would just let us know why they arrived in the first place please!!

[Itzomi]

I hear ya!! I had a few months where my anxiety as pretty much under control, but lately, it's been rearing its ugly head. It's SO disappointing once you've had a taste of "being normal" again to slide back down that slippery slope.

We need something to occupy our thoughts besides tragedy. I think I'll have to take up sewing again...