Jealousy

[beauty]

Ok this is going to make me sound like probably quite a bad person but it’s something that seems to be getting worse. I’ve started getting really jealous all the time… Firstly of my boyfriend he’s recently started seeing old friends who live near him, because they live close it means they can meet up at the pub whenever and arrange stuff on the last minute. On the contrary me and my friends all live far apart and don’t all drive which means we don’t meet up as often and when we do it has to be arranged in advance. Anyway on a few occasions recently he’s seen them and I’ve ended up in the house on my own, well with my mum. Its really getting me down and instead of just getting on with it and feeling glad for him, I’m sitting in feeling down and starting to envy him, which I hate!
Also I’m developing this sad obsession with his ex. It took her ages to get over him and she made loads of trouble for us when we were first together but it didn’t work. And it was quite clear he hated her, and not being horrible, but I don’t think she is anything special, she’s not mega-pretty or anything like that. So I used to think nothing of her, until a few months ago she came onto facebook and I was able to view hers and now I’m like obsessed, I look at it every day looking at what she’s doing and who she’s talking to etc etc and I’m getting really jealous of her and paranoid that my boyfriend is going to start liking her again, even though its quite obvious he hates her cos she wasn’t nice to him in the end. It seems to have got worse since the panic phase I’m in now started as well. Also she’s started going out in our home town and quite often my boyfriend goes out and will see her out, and it makes me so jealous! I just don’t understand cos she’s the last person he would talk to / bother with.

Arghh anyway its getting out of hand now and making me upset, I’m quite happy with my life but can’t stop comparing it to other peoples.

If anyone has any advice about getting out of this situation. I am a positive person, and surprisingly am quite happy with myself and my lifestyle (although it may not show in this post)

Thank you xxxx

[mirry]

Hi , firstly I think you are so brave to say all that, and I really believe you are suffering from low self esteem which often goes hand in hand with panic disorder. Although your partners ex may be nothing to look at , in your eyes she can probally do things that you cant due to the anxiety ?

Another thing is to remember that some jealousy is normal , but when you start to feel obssesed it really does need addressing.
Have you told your partner how you feel ?

You are not alone with this problem, I remember once thinking about my husbands ex when we were first together and was delighted when she put on a load of weight and became obesse and looked nothing like she used to (wicked isnt it ).

It sounds to me she has moved on with her life and you need to do so too.
Maybe ask your gp to send you to self esteem classes ?

good luck with it all and remember your partner is with YOU so that says alot .

[beauty]

Thank you Mirry,
Yeah you're right I think without realising it i do have very low self-esteem or i just wouldnt be thinking like this, cos even i can see there isnt actually anything there to worry about!

I did tell him vaguely how i feel, without mentioning the bit about his ex cos that just makes me look weird and i think it would annoy him a bit cos he's made it clear that he doesnt like her even as a friend.

Well I've deicded the best step to take now is to just stop looking at her facebook page etc cos that way I'll prob just forget about her.

I do need to build my self esteem cos I've not reason to be down about myself like this as im very fortunate, its just hard to sometimes xx

[mirry]

Beauty, sometimes our upbringing can make us this way too, my mother never trusted my father and told me all men are the same, But they are not all the same!
When I see other women driving their cars ,taking the kids out everywhere I actually feel really jealous and think my husband would be better off with them !!!
But of course thats not true, its just how we feel.

Its good you recognise you have a issue with it and you can get good book and cds all about over coming these feelings.