How to deal with fear of surgery

[ErinKC]

About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with a very small umbilical hernia. It's asymptomatic at the moment so the surgeon I saw said we could watch and wait and he's see me again at 6 months. I have my follow up appointment this coming week and I'm so torn on what to do.

The rational side of me REALLY wants to have it repaired because I feel like it's putting my life on hold - I'm not really exercising, I'm extra cautious on what I lift, and I've even been putting off sex worried it will make it worse. I check it often to be sure it's not sore or larger.

The problem is that I'm TERRIFIED of surgery. In 2011 I needed emergency surgery for a very large fibroid that necrotized. It was an extremely traumatic experience for me and since then the idea of having surgery scares the living daylights out of me. The fear is twofold: (1) the terror of relenting control/being unconscious during the procedure and (2) the fear of post-op complications (or that the fear of post-op complications during recover will send me into an anxiety spiral)

Has anyone else with a severe fear of surgery managed to get through this and have an elective procedure like this done? I absolutely hate having it hanging over my head. I want to repair it and move on with my life but I just cannot get past this fear. Having to be the one who makes the decision is just awful.

[Snowgirl82]

I was very nervous to have an Austin/Tailor bunionectomy a few years ago on both sides of my right foot. I had nurses (friends of ours) telling me it is one of the most painful recoveries and that I shouldn’t do it. I was so tired of being in pain all of the time and not being able to walk without wincing or ache all night. Even though I was nervous about the procedure and the anesthesia and the recovery, I opted to go through with it. I went to YouTube and watched the procedure (not for the squeamish) and also watched vlogs of others who had it done. I am so glad I did. It was a breeze, the pain was kid stuff compared to childbirth, and the relief I felt was unexplainable. My recovery pain was no worse than the pain I had been enduring all of this time before surgery! I stopped taking the prescription pain killers the first day home because they made me puke and only used ice and ibuprofen. Moral of the story- you are uncomfortable right now and not living your life to the fullest. How long do you want to keep that up? I would consider the surgery if I was in your shoes. Will you be anxious? Yes. Will you survive and feel amazing after? Yes

[RadioGaGa]

ErinKC

Personally, the fact you're putting off exercise and sex (two very important things for a happy life essentially) would say to me that, if I were you, I'd get the surgery done.

Complications can happen with surgery - just like there could be a 'complication' when you cross the road.

People who are very, very ill undergo lifesaving surgery all the time and most come out of it without any complications at all.

My (nearly) 80 year old uncle, who has been battling heart disease for 30+ years underwent an unrelated procedure a few months ago and came out fine. This is on a background of CABG and abdominal aorta aneurysm surgery! He's been doing great ever since.

As you don't mention anything else health-related in your post, I assume you're a healthy (probably young) person. Therefore, in these cases your chances are VERY VERY VERY small for any complications.

Go ahead with your surgery if the surgeon suggests it - there's no point sacrificing sex and exercise just because your anxiety is dictating to you.

Good luck

[ErinKC]

You are both right! I hate that anxiety has such a strong pull over me. And, if I'm honest, the biggest fear I'm having is fear of anxiety, which I know is common. I'm so worried that having the procedure will throw me into a spiral that I'm avoiding it. I also know that the bulk of this is all anticipatory anxiety, which can only be cured by actually doing it and moving on.

I'm mostly just feeling sorry for myself that I have to be in this situation at all. I feel like having a baby (4.5 years ago) broke my body and mind in so many ways and it pisses me off.

[cofo]

erin
i just came across this thread of yours and was shocked, because, i have an umbilical hernia too and i do NOT want to have surgery. It's been over a year since i saw a dr about it. It isn't bothering me and my OB told me it was fine to wait, but I don't think i'll ever get the courage to do it! we have so many similarities in our anxiety.
I too am scared of the post op complications, but also, i'm terrified about the anxiety i'll feel.
i also cannot have laporascopy type surgery for it, because of a previous surgery in that area, so they will have to open me up. I spend most days not thinking about it, but having the hernia scares me too. Can't win.
have you decided what to do?

[ErinKC]

erin
i just came across this thread of yours and was shocked, because, i have an umbilical hernia too and i do NOT want to have surgery. It's been over a year since i saw a dr about it. It isn't bothering me and my OB told me it was fine to wait, but I don't think i'll ever get the courage to do it! we have so many similarities in our anxiety.
I too am scared of the post op complications, but also, i'm terrified about the anxiety i'll feel.
i also cannot have laporascopy type surgery for it, because of a previous surgery in that area, so they will have to open me up. I spend most days not thinking about it, but having the hernia scares me too. Can't win.
have you decided what to do?

Wow! We really are so similar it's amazing! I had been starting to think that I'd just go through with the surgery, but then I had my 6 month follow up with the surgeon a few weeks ago who said it was still so small and the chances of complications with it were almost zero (he reiterated that there's never NO risk, but that it was very, very minimal). He said it could get bigger if I gained a ton of weight or something, but should be fine in the foreseeable future. When I left that appointment I felt really good about letting it be. I had seen the surgeon twice for it, he felt that the risk benefit was in favor of leaving it be, and said I should put no restrictions on myself physically.

But, the problem is, that something else is also going on with me. I haven't figured it out yet and think it's hormonal, but every month after my period ends from that point until I ovulate I get horrible bloating and pelvic pain and get really depressed/anxious. I'm not sure if the depression/anxiety is because of the pain or if it's all connected to hormones. It also is the only time the hernia acts up. Most of the time I can't even feel it - it's only 1cm and doesn't even protrude unless I overeat or am bloated. For 3 weeks out of the month I can totally forget about it, but then inevitably it pops back out during this time and I'm in pain the whole 4 or 5 days making it so hard to not think about it. This weekend I went to brunch with a friend and ate a big meal and had two cocktails and ended up so bloated that it started bothering me. Now - bothering me only means it's more pronounced and I obsess about it. It doesn't hurt or anything and still goes back down when I lay down, etc... But I become to consumed by it.

How long have you had yours total? I found out about mine last August but the doctors assume I've had it much longer, likely since my daughter was born 4.5 years ago... but I am not 100% sure they're right. I found it because it happened to brush my hand against my stomach and had a ton of pain. I think it had gotten inflamed during a physical therapy appointment and was really, really sore. But, since then it's never hurt me.

So, this got long, haha. But at this point I've still not made a firm decision. I want to just be able to live with it like so many other people and not worry, but I am afraid it will always be this thing hanging over my head. I haven't exercised since I found out about it, which I know is probably only making it worse. I need to start getting out and doing more to see if it aggravates it so I can make a more informed decision.

I also hate it because long ago I had a giant fibroid that I didn't do anything about because I was afraid of surgery and also because everyone says fibroids aren't a big deal. But, mine was huge and growing on a stalk and eventually twisted so much it became necrotic and I needed really scary emergency surgery. So, this situation is just really uncomfortably similar in that it's a surgery vs. watch and wait scenario with both options giving me anxiety.