Next weekend

[Coni]

Hi guys,

I dont know where to start with this except to say that this time next week I'm supposed to be in New York enjoying myself with friends. Trouble is Im absolutely terrified and its getting much worse now the nearer it gets. I feel like a rabbit frozen in car headlights. I am not in the least bit organised cos every time I think about it I feel sick, which just adds to the pressure.

It was bad enough when it was a distant abstract thought but now its almost here and I really dont know if I can go through with it.
I know Im so lucky to have this opportunity and I sound like a selfish ungrateful bitch but that really doesnt stop the fear in fact it makes it worse cos I know Ill be letting everyone down if I dont go.
I cant believe Im putting myself through this and I dont think I'll ever go abroad on holiday again after this as its just too flippin traumatic. I always like the idea of holidays but when it comes to the reality I always get so stressed and wound up that its far from pleasurable and I spend the whole time when Im away counting the days until I can come home again (how sad eh?).

But this time is much much worse....i dont know if its because Im going with friends so wont be with my hubby or the kids (Ive never been away from them for more than two nights before and even then my hubby was with me).
I cant even figure out which part of it all is scaring me the most. The flight, being away from home, the fact I'll be in a huge busy city, being away with people I dont know that well (there are a couple of people going I dont know that well). What if I make a fool of myself, what if we crash, what if something happens at home while Im away, what if I'm ill etc etc...
I keep trying to see myself leaving the house to go and I just cant see it...I could cry at the thought of it and none of my friends or family can understand why Im so scared.

Im scared I'll lose it and pull out at the last minute....I think if I get myself as far as the airport I might be ok, strangely its the leaving the house part thats worst and knowing I cant turn back.
I know that in the grand scheme of things this is a fairly pathetic post and I know Im being selfish, anyone else would love to be going, and Im sorry.
I dont even know what I expect you guys to do cos I know that Im the one that has to either go or not go, but I just had to get it all out and please please if I come on here this week saying Im not going, please dont let me pull out, no matter how much I want to (and believe me I really want to).
Any positive vibes much appreciated (or anyone want to go in my place?) and thanks for listening to me drone on. I just wish I could be normal like everyone else and enjoy things like this without getting in such a state.

sorry its a bit long

luv Coni XX

[Anna77]

Hi Coni,

I'm sorry you're so stressed at the mo. I'm in a similar predicament to you - i'm due to go away to Rekjavik in just over a weeks time, and i'm absolutely terrified! I'm just trying hard not to think about it, because if i do i can see myself backing out.

I spoke to the CPN i'm seeing about my worries yesterday, and she that i should try and see my fear as excitement in this case, rather than as a negative thing. I'm trying to accept that the vast majority of the things i'm worried about are extremely unlikely to happen. Easier said than done i know.

Sorry i can't be of any particular help - your post just reminded me of myself so i had to reply. I think we both know that we have to go, and who knows we just may end up having a good time(!) I hope it works out well for you anyway

Take care,

Lorelai x

[belle]

Hi..
Firstly i can understand your fear, but its NEW YORK CITY!!!! That is one of the places i would LOVE to go.

All the worries you are having are completely normal. Most people would naturally be worried about the family left at home (you're a mummy, it would be strange NOT to worry!), as is going away with people you're not that familiar with, totally normal to be apprehensive. I'm sure i don't need to tell you about the chances of anything happening to the place...'cause you're more likely to win the flipping lotto than the plane crashing....odds are pretty much zero.

You need to concentrate on all the positives here. Going to NY, shopping, good food......wow....you are one lucky lady. I am extremely jealous.

The bottom line is this. IF you feel you can't go, then don't. If the fear to just too much then its pointless going away where you are simply going to be too scared/frightened/worried to do anything. You won't enjoy yourself....

I think you CAN do it......

x

[groovygranny]

Now - look 'ere you, my lovely partner in catastrophe!

Don't you ever let me hear you say any of your posts are pathetetic, ok?

I know how much you've deliberated over this - it wasn't so long ago you decided you weren't going to go wasn't it? And now you're going - so it just goes to show that you've got what it takes to conquer this.

Of course you're going to be s**t scared - that's part and parcel of our shared anxiety. But, just because you're scared doesn't mean you're going to duck out of it!

And we're all here to support you - just as you are always here for us my friend.

Look, all those 'what if's ' can be applied just as much here at home every single day. The geography means nothing.

But that is all they are - what if's. Whether you're here or in New York (ooooh, I am so green with envy!) treat them with just a momentory thought, and then get on with the serious business of enjoying every moment, every experience and every challenge.

Because we all want to hear about it when you get back ok??

You deserve this trip Coni - claim it for yourself and kick the anx in to touch where it belongs!

lots and lots of love to you xxx

[Paddington]

Dear Coni,i have to remind you of how far you have come at one time you didn not even want to post on here ..now you share your worries and help others with theirs As GG said you were not going to go..do you remember all the e-mails we shared over this?..So now you are nervous ..it is ok hun anyone would be nervous ,i mean folk with out panic problems ..some feelingd of trepidation are simply normal hun You said one thing that lept out at me..you said ..i cant ....NO hun...if you say things like i cant go back ....it is simply not true..you can at any point on this journey say ..i am going home.This is what is making your anxiety worse you feel you have no get out clause .,.you have, it is you hun ..you are making this decision..not anyone else ..so sit down and calmly think about it..you do not have to go anywhere..you can change your mind anytime you want ..take the pressure off youself hun I am so proud of you for coming this far Coni..remember you CAN....not you cant Love Paddie.xxxxx

[Coni]

Hi guys, thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I am trying to convince myself that my terror is actually excitement lol! And sometimes I almost manage it....and then the big stomach lurch when it hits me again that Im really going...I just feel sick about it.

Lorelai, we must be both going away around the same time...maybe we can do this together.....if I can do it you can too!

Bluebell, I know I am very lucky and I do honestly appreciate the opportunity that Ive got ( I would just appreciate it more if it was over lol!)...but your right I need to try and think of the nice things...I could shake myself...to anyone else this would be a pleasurable thing....

GG, you are so right as usual, I need to stop changing my mind....I just wish I didnt get so overwhelmed by the fear, and I dont even know why going away frightens me so much...there is a part of me that really really wants to do this to prove to myself Im not weird, and prove I can be like everyone else and just do it...but theres this much much bigger part that is terrified of all the potential things that could happen. I cant help thinking I should never have agreed to go....I dont know why I thought this time would be any different...I always chicken out of things...I'm even beginning to bug myself now...

Paddie, thanks so much for the words of encouragement, you did so well with your trip to London recently. Actually I think you might have a point....I hate the idea that I cant go back, cant get home if I need to....I think that might be one of my main fears....we got stranded in belgium a couple of years ago, missed the flight home because the coach driver got lost and I was completely panic stricken and distraught, and at the time couldnt understand why it freaked me so much...you've really given me something to think about.

thanks guys

luv Coni xx

[miss motown]

hi conni i just like to say i am in the same position as you i am flying out to portugal on sunday and i no im going to have panic after panic untill i return home on friday why does this have to happen to us why carnt we just go and be happy oh well we,ll go and come back and we,ll live to tell all about are trip well i hope you have a lovely time and remember your not on your own take care love karen x

[groovygranny]

Coni, my luvly, I just know you're going to do this.

You have a determination and desire that will overrule any fearful thoughts.

Okay, the thoughts will come but you will overcome them because you want to. Desperately so.

And don't worry about what the others will think - in fact they'd probably look to you in admiration if they knew what an almighty effort you're putting into this.

Anyway, why should you be considered so weird? Anx is just another thing that disrupts our lives and makes us feel uncomfortable - just like being allergic to foodstuffs, synthetics, pollen, animals fur etc.

Those things are chemical and physical - anx is chemical and mental..... so why should one be more weird than the other?

You will be fine....and so will Karen

You can send positive vibes to one another at the same time !
to both of you !! xxx