Suicide?

[kate]

I imagine that a lot of people think about it not because they necessarily want to be dead but because there doesn't seem any other way out. I know this is true for myself.

Kate

[happyone]

I can relate so much to what you say and there seems to be an answer in there for my seekings too.
I think about suicide so so so much. I had my plan of how and where. I got a step closer and closer all the time up until recently when I did something rather silly. Yet, I still think I don't really intend to do it.
I am obsessed with it, certainly. Unhealthily so, definately. So much so that I now get meds by fortnightly injection instead of pills. BUT even after all of this I don't think I want to die. In fact I know I don't. I think I am a classic 'attention seeker' (not a pc term but one that I can't think of any better to use) yet at the same time, I am not really as a lot of my silly stuff is done when I am alone. In fact, most of it, I am alone.
I am considered I think to be 'para suicidal' I don't really want to die, but my behaviour could result in it.
I am no help here at all. I am just trying to point out that obsessing is one thing, but if you ever even once go too far with your thoughts, it could be the last time.
I don't agree that to be afraid of it is a dead cert that a person will not do it as I am afraid of it, afraid of dying, afraid of leaving my girls, yet I still do silly things that could result in all of that.
Happyone
xx

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi everyone



Just to say thanks to Sam for raising the subject.

Apologies if you read my previous message and it seemed a little confusing or perhaps pompously intense. I'd been up most of the night and haven't been sleeping too good during the past few days. It was a strained and poorly thought out response.

This is such a difficult subject and I involuntarily recoil in horror at the very thought of it.

It's nasty, confusing and extremely unpopular to even talk about, hence my detached remarks about society. Like depression, it does seem as though most people would prefer not to even think about it for fear of catching some kind of psychic virus or an equivalent of the plague.

I can understand this. Lightness of being is a sensible , commonsense approach which avoids any major headaches. To lighten up and try to see some humour and beauty in life is always worth striving for. I enjoy a good laugh as much as anyone else and can laugh loudly when it feels right...but I can also feel a sadness that seems to seep into every fibre of my body. Somedays, it just won't go away and affects everything I try to do and every interaction with another person.

It sure ain't pretty and it ain't funny. Have any of you had that experience of
being made to feel like a leper? Just because you look miserable or give off some kind of atmosphere which is only measurable in the minds and perceptions of others' anyway?

Hardly surprising that suicide might be considered when misery is reinforced on a daily basis by your environment or the cruelty and ignorance of others or the seemingly unending tedious drudgery of it all...

I'm not trying to drag anyone down here. I speak as a person who has had many difficult periods of believing that (and behaving as though) he cannot cope.


Here are a few reasons for not doing it though...

1: Someone else will have the task of clearing up after you. How would you feel if it was the other way around?

2: It would be a waste of something more precious than wealth.

3: It would be irreversible. No matter how many mistaken choices we make in our lives, some kind of compensation is usually available, even if it is only the glimpse of a different point of view.

4: You're not alone and each breath you take is a bonus point on your final score. Many others have been where you are and have carried on.

5: Even if you are misunderstood or misinterpreted in action or word on a regular basis, this still gives you a purpose as a connecting link in the fabric of humanity.

6: As Dorothy Rowe once wrote..." if you have to do violence to yourself in order to die, then there must also be a part of you that wants to live - you should stick with that part ".

7: Nothing lasts forever, not even the worst day of your life.

8: Pain (emotional or physical) is inevitable. If you can accept this in some small way you can start to deal with it in more constructive ways. Even if those ways may make you unpopular or make you feel foolish.

9: There is no such thing as a wasted life. Each one of us is a point of consciousness in this world. If one person is gazing at a glorious sunset whilst another is cleaning a toilet bowl, both viewpoints remain equally valid.

10: One day all those panic attacks and phobias may be a thing of the past.
Why end your life because you believe you may never master them?
Even if you never succeed in overcoming your fears, at least you can try to live with them.

Phew! I realise it was a long one. If you got read it this far, thankyou.

I feel a bit better for writing all that and hope it helps in some small way.


Cheers!

[samtheman]

I would never do it, It really really scares me though, its when you start to find comfort in thinking about it as a way out, thats when you have a problem that needs sorted

[Quiet-Lift]

Very true. I would never do it either. Well worth trying to get that problem sorted I think. Should keep you busy if nothing else...

Thanks for the info and link.

Take care mate

[Nel]

This is something that plays on my mind often, Not because I want to do it, It scares me so much, how can people get that low that they actually do it and could anxiety really make me that low?

A counsilor once said to me while you are scared of suicide you have no problem, its when you start to see suicide as as way out, thats when you have a problem, and I am scared of it, bigtime scared of it, Infact I can't even watch action films with people getting shot etc etc..

I suppose its one of them obsessive thoughts associated with anxiety,

Can anyone relate to what I am saying?

It used to worry me in exactly the same way it worries you, I never attempted it or even wanted to - I understand that you aren’t talking about considering suicide you are talking about a fear of it. A fear that you might get to a stage where you actually want to do it, it’s a fear (you probably have a few, I did) and its representative of an anxiety disorder. It’s your reaction to the thought that is keeping the fear alive.
CB therapy helped me immensely with my fears; I would strongly recommend CB therapy for anyone with an anxiety disorder, worked wonders for me. There’s a difference between being suicidal and having a fear of it, a CB therapist would help you with it – for me the content of my thoughts weren’t important, addressing the symptoms of my anxiety were. If you have CB therapy you won't be 'cured' overnight, it has taken over a year of practicing CB therapy techniques for me to get the maximum benefit. If you stick with it, for the long haul, you'll overcome your anxiety.

[Lilith1980]

I don't think I have ever considered suicide but when I had my eating disorder a few years ago I was in such a dark place and I hated being alive. But I never considered suicide - I dont have the guts, which is a good thing.

I do have intrusive thoughts about me committing suicide and my fiance finding me and how upset people would be, I dont know why I have those thoughts, but I am able to block that particular thought out and tell myself to stop being stupid.

[Ma Larkin]

I did attempt it and nearly succeeded and for all sufferers out there who would ever contemplate, I can only say that it ruined my life for a while so don't ever think about doing it. When I look back now it just makes me realise that things are never as bad as what they seem, there are always answers to everything and the help is out there. I wish I could tell you why I did it, but I don't have the answer to that, I was just messed up over loads of little things which snowballed into this huge problem and I thought it was the best way out. How wrong I was!! I am so glad that I'm still here and fear death now instead of welcoming it which is how I felt the day I did it. I now appreciate the smaller things in life and look around me, especially at my children and thank god that I am still here to tell the tale.

Les x

[matt1981]

Lilith 1980: "I am able to block that particular thought out and tell myself to stop being stupid."

Blocking the thought and telling yourself to be stupid is negative in itself. Two reasons why this is so.

1. If you are blocking a thought you are fighting it. Therefore creating inner conflict. It may be better to say "OK I am having this thought but its just a thought. I am not the only one who has these thoughts. It wont last forever. I think about a lot of different things throughout the day.

2. By telling yourself to stop being stupid you are scolding yourself and by calling yourself stupid you are attaching a negative label to yourself.

No offence intended, just an observation. I call myself things sometimes, well quite often actually so I understand how hard it is not to.

Be well people live long and prosper. (strictly NOT a trekkie; just thought id say something cheesy!)

[Lilith1980]

Matt, I didnt think of it like that. Maybe that is why all these thoughts wear me out. Instead of "sitting with them" and accepting them and letting hem wash over me, I try to fight them.

I call myself stupid (in my head) a lot, and you're right I should get out of the habit because it only creatives more negative thoughts.