help! having some real problems with my thoughts

[joannap]

i have been on citalopram for just over 2 weeks and my thoughts are literally haywire. for instance - one moment i will be terrified of death, the next i will be terrified of something else totally different. i am finding it very hard to think positive - its like my mind is totally scaring me and so when i try to think positive - my brain will say "why should you think positive", maybe you are meant to think negative etc. it argues with itself in response to every thought i have - i don;t know if the citalopram is making this worse or whether i would be just as bad without it! HELP!

[Lilith1980]

They do say that when you first start taking medication it makes it worse before it gets better. It might be your system just getting used to the drugs hun?

Have you tried distracting yourself by reading or doing something round the house? xx

[honeybee3939]

Hi Joanna

Its very common for Citalopram to heighten your anxiety for the first few weeks, this is probably why you are having these thoughts. Stick with them and things should soon start to settle down hun.

Good luck

Love

Andrea
xxxxx

[bearcrazy]

Hi Joanna,
I have been where you are a few years ago. i used to hold conversations with myself continually and it was exhausting. I would make a decision and then think of all the reasons why I shouldnt do what I had decided.

Remember it takes 2 or 3 weeks for anti depressants to take effect. You arent going mad, what you are experiencing is 'normal' and has a proper name but I cant remeber what it is.

Hope you start to feel better soon,

TC xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[joannap]

thanks all! its just so horrible feeling i am not in control of my brain!

[tonkaboy]

Hi Jo,

Keep your chin up, you will be fine. I have been presribed Paroxitine in the past and that litterally drove me up the wall for the first few weeks. Anxiety like I'd never experienced before - but then after about 5 - 6 weeks I saw a big reduction in my anxiety, very rapid improvement. Since then, I have been prescribed fluoxitine. Side effects weren't as bad but I don't think it's had quite the same benefits. No gain without pain perhaps. I'm in the process of coming of fluoxitine at the moment and I'm wondering if that's what has triggered the current setback.

Like you, I'm plagued by unwanted thoughts that scare the living daylights out of me. Particularly about acting badly towards my wife and son. Deep down, I know I never would but I can't seem to stop the frightening thoughts from coming. What I have found is that one day, they don't seem so important and I'm back to my real self. That lasts for a while and then I'm back to the cycle of thought - fear - thought - more fear. It only seems to subside when I stop trying. Consequently, I don't feel in control of the beast.

I can see from your posts that you're having a hard time but you have to trust me when I say nothing is forever and this will improve. That's what I cling to when I'm feeling bad. Tomorrow is another day.

Best wishes.

A

[joannap]

hi tonkaboy

thanks for your post. i have had the same thoughts as you have had before - i think we realise the thoughts don;t mean anything when we FEEL they don;t mean anything. its when the thoughts come with such force and fear that we cannot get past those emotions in order to feel they are just thoughts. like you - i used to get "glimpses" of how silly my thoughts were and that helped to keep me positive.

the thing is - if you were going to hurt your wife/son - you would not worry about it beforehand - its because you find it repulsive that is is scaring you. another thing that used to help me is to think - if these thoughts went would i then be anxiety free? the answer was probably not - it is the fact that i am anxious generally means that the thoughts hold so much more power so i think the answer lies in dealing with any real stresses in your life and lowering your anxiety levels through relaxation/distraction as i am trying to do!

believe me - i know how terrifying these thoughts can be. i love my dogs but used to worry i would hurt them. even though i could have this thought and then be checking they had clean water and that their bed was comfy enough was not enough to make me feel i could not hurt them! one thing i found helped over a period of time was not to let these thoughts stop me from being close to them - if you worry you are going to hurt someone you naturally distance yourself but i made myself do all the things i would normally do - take them for walks, cuddle them on the sofa etc.

i have had prozac in the past and i remember having no side effects whatsoever - it made me feel happy really quickly but like you - i am not sure if it gave me the same benefit overall. i have had lustral in the past too and that made me feel terrible for the first few weeks. it was coming off lustral and experiencing a lot of stress in my life that i feel contributed to me having this setback. i did overcome 2 smaller setbacks whilst currently weaning myself off lustral so it can be done but i think stopping my a'd's plus all the stress was too much this time. i look back now and think maybe i should have stayed on the a'd's but my line of probably illogical thinking was if i feel crappy on them (understandable because they are not a cure all and i was under huge strain at the time) then i may as well come off them. they were obviously doing more than i thought!

can i ask why you are cutting down if you are still feeling quite bad? or do you think it is the reduction of dose that has brought the thoughts back? sometimes it can be stress that triggers it. i have read my diary of the last 6 months and i can now see that making no time to relax/exercise/eat properly plus taking on a new job, 4 years of helping care for my grandma and her finally going into a resiential home, personal financial worries, my dog having puppies (tiny cottage and having 3 dogs already!) and having to rehome my parrot would be enough to do anyone's head in!

[tonkaboy]

Hi Jo,

Thanks for replying, just in from work. I'm coming off the ADs at my GPs suggestion. To be honest, I've never been convinced that Prozac does it for me. I've had these thoughts on and off since June and I've only been slowing down the Prozac since the end of September. When I saw my GP last, I was in one of the good periods. I don't really think the two are connected.

This current bad run only started a week ago. I think its more relevant that I'd been busy at work during October doing stuff I enjoy but is taxing. Consequently, I'm tired. Also my mother hurt her back lifting my boy a fortnight ago and has been out of sorts since. So I have had a few things on my mind.

Logically, I can see that these thoughts boil down to anxiety. I'm more anxious when I'm tired following a stressful period. Hey presto, up pop the disturbing thoughts. Trouble is, logic doesn't comfort me or stop me worrying!! I'm an engineer and so my entire existence is based on logic. I find anxiety has nowt to do with logical thinking, so that's were I come unglued.

Also, when I'm under pressure and doing things I enjoy, I forget to worry in my excitement, so off I merrily go. For every crest however, there inevitably follows a trough. I'm just not very good at being in a trough.

It's good to share these ideas, so please keep in touch.

Hope today was OK for you.

A