is it a bad idea for an agoraphobic to go abroad?

[honeybee]

well as the title suggests.... i'm thinking of going abroad. my agoraphobia has improved dramatically over the last 6 months. i still cant go anywhere on my own but i'm absolutely fine if i'm with people i know. i even wonder around large supermarkets ahead of my fella without freaking out.

i'm still very anxious at the thought of going abroad but i was thinking if i just went on a short flight and only went for a couple of days then if its really bad i'll be able to take comfort in the fact i'd be home soon. i used to dream about travelling the world a few years ago and had even done some travelling - some on my own! i just want that me back!

the thoughts that are setting off my anxiety are "my fella has never been abroad so he wont feel really relaxed therefore he might not be able look after me properly" and "my panic attacks started when i was abroad and it was horrific - what if i end up feeling the same again" and "what if something terrible happens?"

anyway, i was wondering if anyone else has been abroad - what was it like?

is it a good idea?

could it just send me back 10 steps or is it more likely to give me more confience?

any advice would be great. hoping to go away for new year.... maybe!!!

[darkangel]

One piece of advice I tell myself everywhere I go, "A panic attack feels the same no matter where you are".

Ive been abroad several times and yes its been difficult but you know what I can feel just as awful sitting in my own front room!!!!

I dont think anything is a bad idea, but you need to start from now turning around the way in which you inner talk to yourself. I cope with holidays by taking one stage at a time. Keep talking positively to myself and the one thing that helped me enormously was to say "Im so looking forward to this adventure, Im so excited and cant wait to be there". I would concentrate on my new surroundings, feel the sand between my toes and truley appreciate the cool water lapping around my feet, etc.

I was totally bed bound for a long number of years with agoraphobia and couldnt even go downstairs in my house. I still have rough days, today is one of them, but I beleived in my heart that one day I would fullfill my dream and thats what kept me inspired.

I came back with lots of wonderful memories and the good ones outweigh the bad moments (and yeah there were many) but we are so much stronger than we think.

Darkangel

[woofytalk]

I think it's a great idea. Some people try to conquer anxiety one step at a time. I like that you're taking the plunge and facing it in one fall swoop. You'll be better off for it.

Best of luck!

-Rachel

[honeybee]

thanks guys. i keep looking on travelzoo.com website and seeing some great holiday deals so i might just see what happens. it's nice to know darkangel that you have been and its was ok. how did you cope with the plane journey? was it an issue? think that's what would scare me the most. but you are so right in that "A panic attack feels the same no matter where you are". i think that is a great thing for anyone getting panic attacks to say to themselves.

still terrifying though, still not sure if i can 'just do it'!!!

[darkangel]

Hi HB

How did I cope on the plane.............Im going to be completely honest with you:

I knew I had to keep in control, so I prepared myself.
I watched how I self talked and every time a negative scary thought entered my head, I said STOP, and changed my speech to This is exciting, Im on an adventure, Im safe and secure.

Made sure we were at airport in plenty time, whilst in queue waiting to check in, kept breathing under control, chatted to people in the queue, sipped on a bottle of water. Got seats near to the front of the plane, nearer to the toilet cos Im not keen on walking down the aisle. Didnt have too much hand luggage. looked around the little shops. went through passport control early to get a seat in departure lounge. Drank water, dont touch alcohol. Eat a little. When we were called - done breathing exercise and kep reassuring myself I would be fine.
Got my bum planked on the seat, made sure my bottle of water was out, and sweets, opened my book at a page of inspirational positive talking and kept reading and reading it telling myself I was fine. Kept doing breathing and relaxed my shoulders, etc. Breathed from the abdomen, etc.

On take off, just let my body go with whatever sensation came up, and relaxed. Flight was ok, Im not a keen flier, but by not adding any further fearful thoughts I coped really well. Listened to music on my MP3 player, done crosswords, anything to chill actually. There is absolutely nothing you can do when up there, so there is no point in making it difficult for yourself.

I havent added that my partner is terrifed of flying and he is a heavy smoker (so you can imagine his stress levels) that and he drinks to keep calm......................I had to remain calm for both of us.

I would also add to be prepared, take with you your tools for keeping calm, if thats music, a book, rescue remedy, water, chewing gum, whatever it is that u use.

[honeybee]

thanks darkangel. thats helped. i think what you said about being close to toilet is good idea. i hate the thought of everyone staring whilst walking down aisle. its like the walk of shame. activities books and things could be a good idea too. i understand the only thing creating my panic attacks are my thoughts and that to look at the whole thing as an adventure is the way to go, but i still have 10% of me that doesnt have faith that i cant actually control my thoughts when it comes down to it. suppose i'll always be scared until i do it though. thanks for your advice x x

[neptuno]

Hello Honeybee !

Often a change of scenery like this can break the cycle of agoraphobia. Staying at home where you so often experience panic can reinforce the panic habit. This thread has given some wise advice. Book your trip and then plan how you will "manage" it. Work through all the imagined scenarios and what you will do to ensure you have a great time. You have all the skills you need right here and now to have a wonderful holiday. And when you get back - you will feel terrific knowing you did this and you can do it again.
be kind to yourself

[honeybee]

oh you'e a sweetie... thanks for your post... think i will go on holiday. it'll prob still take me a couple of weeks to book it but i will do it!

[Alabasterlyn]

I think it's a great idea. You are feeling better so why not go abroad and enjoy yourself. There is a lot in the Claire Weekes books about people finding that they are fine when they are away from home as being away from familiar triggers gives your nervous system a rest.

I haven't flown for many years but the last time I did I was already suffering with my agoraphobia. I didn't exactly go abroad but I did fly to Jersey for a week and had a great time. When I was on the plane I just engrossed myself in a book and tried to convince myself I was really just on the tube and it worked for me.

I hope you manage to book somewhere and that you have a great time

[groovygranny]

Hi Honeybee!

Got the right 'Bee' this time lol !!

Brilliant advice so far here - I'd like to reinforce DA's statement at the beginning that a pa is a pa wherever you are.

The first time I went abroad after I was ill I very nearly chickened out at the last minute (so glad I didn't!) and, when I was there my hubby was taken ill and I spent the whole day in a pa - BUT.......the important thing to remember is that I got through that day and through the pa, not the fact that I had it in the first place!

I could so easily have vowed never to go abroad again - but if I did that then I wouldn't be in control of 'it' .....and I want to remain in control!

Glad you've decided to go......you won't regret it, because you've come so far and achieved so much.

Reading your report about it here will be something to look forward to in the New Year !!

big hugs for you