I'm officially at rock bottom, again

[WiredIncorrectly]

As was probably expected by some, I crashed and burned though this dreadful situation I am in.

The last week my depression has been increasing to the point where I wake up now and I am instantly angry, like my head wants to explode. But I don't. Started becoming very irraltion in my thoughts. I'm struggling to speak properly without stuttering and forgetting words. People are annoying me. Everybody. Anybody. I am so tired.

I've followed the stages of grief and my pattern of thinking and behaviour is someone consistent.

Some of it is my own fault. When we broke up I stopped taking my meds because I thought I needed to hyperfocus and look for work, and appear to be strong and doing fine.

Bad idea. Very bad idea. Sure, I was fine for about 2 weeks and then day-by-day I became worse. Today was pretty much the pinicle and I almost ended up in an argument with ex because she was playing a dance song that was about Jesus (pbuh) in a derogatory way. And she knows my faith, but played it loud, and that made me think it was a personal attack. I went for a walk.

Meds taken today, now feel like I want to sleep all day with the nasty side effects.

3 weeks ago I demanded the doctor never speak to me again and got angry with him over the phone for delaying my medications. Once again. I took it as a personal attack that the doctors were purposely putting me through this. I thought there was collusion going on to deny me of medications.

I also keep thinking people are talking about me, and monitoring me. Not a nice feeling at all.

Very irrational thoughts sometimes that plague me.

I need to slow down and move at a tortoise pace through this situation do you agree? I am rushing around aimlessly at the moment with no direction. That feeling of I can't sit still.

I should be moving any time now, within 2 weeks. I'm nervous because I am only taking the sofa from here so I can sleep on. I don't have any other house items, and no idea when I'll be able to get those things. That's another stress. How will I wash clothes? How will I cook a nutritious meal? How will do the basic things.

It's just leaving me so flat, low, agitated, angry, frustrated etc.

[Carnation]

I'm pretty sure that the Salvation Army help with furniture for the needy. There are other organisations as well. There's also a Site online called preloved for items that are basically free, might be worth taking a look.
You should feel better once the meds kick in again and feel more capable by the time you move.
As you are not taking much with you there's no heavy task in packing.
Take it easy until then.

[Catkins]

Is there a laundrette near your new place? That would solve one of your worries. Other basic things you can look for in charity shops, there might also be an online group called 'Freegle' in your area, where people post things for free. Cooking wise - you could use a camping stove until you find a cooker?

Keep taking your medication, times of big change are very stressful and really not a good time to stop.