Think I'm having a blip

[Carnation]

Putting yourself first is beneficial to all the other duties catkins. It took me a while to work that one out.

[Catkins]

It's sometimes difficult to get my other half to understand.

[Catkins]

Well blow me. I stepped out of here for a moment and decided to tell my other half how I've been feeling the last few days, he has been being belligerent all morning that we should be going on a long walk all morning because the weather is nice and got quite stroppy about it, which in turn made me feel all anxious. He was so good about it. He believes that because my stomach hasn't been right for a few days and that as serotonin is produced in the gut that this will have affected my mood. I don't know if that's true or if it's a which came first the chicken or the egg situation. Is my anxiety making me feel ill or am I ill so I feel anxious. Anyway not going to dwell on that too much. He's decided it might be better for us to do a shorter walk because of my sleeping problems (although I was the dog who had me up in the night last night).

[Carnation]

It's sometimes difficult to get my other half to understand.

I have that too catkins

I've had a funny tummy for a week now, on and off. I've put it down to anxiety because of past experiences.
As you know I've had women's problems and yesterday a migraine but I'm still associating the tummy issues with anxiety.
Mr C wants to go out whether I have anxiety or feel poorly.
I think they just don't want to acknowledge we get off days. If I don't go out he gets grumpy.

[Catkins]

Yes I know that feeling all too well. Sometimes I really want to shout at him to bloody well go out if he wants to and leave me in peace, but other times I know it'll do me good to get out so I go along willingly. Today, because I'm feeling anxious I had neither the enthusiasm to go or confidence in my abilities to say no. So cutting a bit off was probably a good compromise. So we walked 4 miles instead of about 7. Did I feel anxiety free, no, but it was a pleasant walk with a Fentimans rose lemonade and a cheese scone half way round. In the last 1/2 mile I was tempted to ask him to go and get the car and come back for me and the dog, but I carried on and made it. The dog made it too, although she is very tired now, she had a bit of my scone too.

[Carnation]

Well done for your achievements catkins.
Sometimes it's better to opt for a quieter life or should I say avoid confrontation.

[Catkins]

Well done for your achievements catkins.
Sometimes it's better to opt for a quieter life or should I say avoid confrontation.

I probably have opted too much for a quieter life of late, which may well be why I'm feeling a bit delicate. I think I had it in my head that I should be giving lots of attention to my husband in the uni holidays to make up for all the time I spent studying during term time where I couldn't.


Anyway there's no point in me dwelling too much on why I'm feeling off, if I question it too much things just go round in circles. I'm just going to work hard on the acceptance part as much as I can.


This morning was quite tough, I went up to shadow at a musculoskeletalclinic with a podiatrist that's a specialist in MSK. Didn't sleep too bad, I wasn't woken by the dog and although I did wake up in the night I went back to sleep and didn't wake up until about 5.45. But because I was anxious about going I only managed a very small breakfast. Anyway I negotiated my way through the city traffic intact and got to the clinic. I was very wobbly and sweaty, it was very hot in the hospital but I managed to get to the clinic. Fortunately the MSK podiatrist worked in our dept straight from college (he's since done his masters and is on with his PHD), so although I didn't know him well one of the first things I said to him was how nervous I was about coming. He was so good, he just laughed it off and said there was really no need. I got through the morning by drinking copious amounts of cold water and I'd packed an emergency biscuit. I did blank on most of the questions he asked me which was tough, but we talked about it between patients and I explained I have a tendency to do that and he said that it's just practice. Overall, even though I felt really anxious throughout the clinic I really learnt a lot, I have got some good pointers on things that I need to learn more about and revise and I would happily go again (maybe happily is a not quite the right word). Do I feel full of vim and vigour and as calm as a lake on a summers day, no, but I am feeling a sense of achievement and shall be patting myself on the back this evening.

[Carnation]

Wow catkins, you did amazing!
You should be proud and deserve a treat.

[Fishmanpa]

Hang in there Catkins, it’s quite probably a blip, a bump in the road that maybe suggests ‘slow down a little’.

I’ve always thought how well you do, so give yourself some real credit for that. However maybe some time focusing on your own needs is in order now and that’s not being selfish, you’ve earned it many times over ❤️

Agreed. Regardless of one's mental health, experiences, situations and circumstances can throw a monkey wrench into the peace of mind gears. Pat yourself on the back for pushing through and treat yourself. May I suggest an ice cream smoothie?

My wife took a banana, strawberries and blueberries along with some ice and made fruit smoothies. Poured that in a glass with a couple of scoops of vanilla ice cream and YUM! Just a suggestion

FMP

[Catkins]

Thank you both.

That sounds lovely FMP, my tummy is still a little iffy and my appetite isn't up to much but once it is I will give that a go.